3468 Caffeine and NJ country squire living

Thursday, February 16, 2012

What part of “Thou shalt not kill” don’t you understand?
-- God --

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I mentioned a while back that I'd had some dreams lately of a very unusual nature. Like, very sexy. And I wondered why.

I'd forgotten something from long ago, 48 years ago. When I was in college, you could buy pills in the campus bookstore that would help you to stay awake to study. They were super caffeine.

I tried them a few times, and discovered they were no help. I stayed awake all right, but I was swamped by very sexy daydreams. My libido jumped to the top of the scale. I even started eyeing the 75-year-old security guard on his rounds. Definitely not conducive to studying.

It's the caffeine!

I never used to drink coffee until I discovered vanilla creamer. Now I have a few cups every morning. But, it's a mix of half ordinary instant coffee and half decaffeinated, and I make a three-cup pot using about as much coffee as one would ordinarily use for one cup. So I didn't think I was getting that much.

On the evenings of the interesting dreams, I'd had a pot late in the evening.

Hmmm. Next time The Man drifts by, I think I'll treat him to some caffeinated Silk. Not that I need an aphrodisiac when he's within reach, but it could be interesting anyway.

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Last Sunday I went to a Meetup luncheon a bit south of here - six other women and me. One of the women was a realtor, and she was doing an open house that afternoon at a house in Wall that was listed at $900,000+. I'd heard that Wall was the snooty neighborhood. Three of us decided to attend the open house and check it out.

It looked nice from outside - a huge square two-story with a porch around three sides, and a patio and pool off to the side. It had a lot of windows, and huge rooms. It was apparent that a decorator had been engaged to do the window treatments. But after that it was a mess.

There was different colored carpet in every room, and the upstairs hall carpet was a tough industrial-looking gray berber which ended up clashing with all the different colors and textures at every door jamb. Rooms didn't flow nicely. Halls twisted. Levels didn't flow. It seemed like every 10 feet or so you had to go up or down three or four steps. The bathrooms looked very small and plain, like they'd bought the fixtures from my builder's leftovers.

The house didn't feel at all comfortable or happy. It looked ... well ... like a house divided into warrens where emotions would be hidden away. So many windows, but so little connection within. I wasn't surprised to hear it was on the market because of a nasty divorce.

It was a disappointment.

But I think maybe I would enjoy watching for more open houses in the Wall area.
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3467 Jasper says rub my belly and I'll love-bite you.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The wise will act; the foolish will hope.

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On the medical stuff, I got an x-ray of my left kidney today and made a Friday appointment for an ultrasound. From walking into the hospital until walking out was 2.5 hours. I'm tired from just sitting. I hadn't taken a book because I didn't expect to get the x-ray today and certainly didn't expect to sit and stare at a blank wall for 40 minutes at a time.

The kidney stone is still there.

I'm trying to schedule blood work, but the only way the lab makes appointments is online, and there are no morning appointments available for two weeks. It has to be morning because it requires fasting. I'm dropping urine off tomorrow, so I'll ask if they could do something about that.

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Boston.com's Big Picture today (http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2012/02/seeing_red_valentines_day_2012.html) is about Valentine's Day around the world.

I had assumed that Valentine's Day was a Euro-Americas thing, so I was surprised to find photos from:
Islamabad
Bangalore
Beijing
Damascus
Brussels
Shanghai
Prague
Karachi
Wuhan
Manila
Lima
Peshawar
Jerusalem
Lahore
Jeddah
Abidjan
San Salvador
Tehran
Cairo
Kiev
Kuala Lumpur
Prachinburi province, Thailand

I'm surprised that many of those countries are Islamic. I'm amused that all the favors and all the red balloons being sold on street corners all over the world had "I love you" on them ... in English!
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3466 Done and to do

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Please stop blaming your narrow-minded prejudices on God.

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I hope to accomplish a few things today. Last night I wrote checks for the month's bills and I'll mail them today. No, I don't do online or automatic payments - no one sticks their fingers in my bank accounts but me!

I'm paying $284 per month for fuel oil for the old house on a 12-month budget plan. Of course I've been using a lot less oil, so I now have a $1,200+ credit with them, with four more months to go on the plan. So I called them, and they have marked my account paid in full. We'll start again in July with a much lower monthly amount.

Same thing with the electricity for the old house. That's $164/month on the budget plan, and I'm running a healthy credit. It's the dehumidifier, furnace fan, and upright freezer eating power. Next trip up I'll empty the freezer and so that should drop, too.

I discovered that Classmates.com is still hitting my credit card for membership, so I went to the website and discovered that I have manual renewal, NOT automatic renewal so they shouldn't be doing that. I could probably sue them. I called the credit card company and that will now stop.

My GP and the urologist wrote some scripts for tests. I can't read them, so I don't know what to schedule with the lab and the hospital. I think I'll just go there, show them the bits of paper, and let the folks at the desks figure it out.

I wrote an email to The Angel to let him know I killed my DBA, and I need to pull together the tax stuff to mail to him.

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I have become more conscious of money lately. I sold $320K of stock (not from the managed account, from the portfolios I still controlled) to buy this house. Piper said it was fine, that I was just transferring investments from stock to real estate. He seemed to think it was an equal trade. His analysis annoyed me, because those stocks paid over $8K/year in dividends, adding to my income, plus they increased in value. So my disposable income dropped. Worse, this house is costing me almost $10K/year in taxes and insurance, for a net loss of $18K/year in cash that used to be available for other purposes. I do not consider trading an investment that paid 8k/year for an investment that costs 10K/year a wise investment. This house certainly is NOT increasing in value by 18K/year.

My retirement and SS checks total about $36K per year, so I now have to pull from my managed account to cover big ticket items like long term insurance, car insurance, life insurance, various taxes, and so on, thus reducing that principal.

My SS checks are not on my own account. I'm drawing widow's benefits on Jay's account, so I'm going to go to the SS office, maybe tomorrow, to see if I'll get more if I switch to my own account. I have a longer work history than Jay, at a higher salary, so maybe it'll be a little bit more. Maybe not. The online SS site won't tell me because I haven't worked in so long (or some dumb fool reason - I forget exactly).

I'm glad I'm on a diet.
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3465 Negative vs positive perception

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

You’re pro-life AND pro-war? I’m anti-hypocrite, thanks.

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I read an article on perception this morning, at http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/crux/2011/12/14/if-you-cant-notice-a-gorilla-how-the-heck-can-you-testify-as-a-witness/, about how we don't see what we are not expecting to see, and how being focused on something can blank out other things, and how that affects jury expectations and eyewitness testimony.

Yeah. I've often said that even if a miscreant were three inches from my face, I'm not sure I could pick him out of a lineup, even if I had known him for years. I don't believe anyone else can, either, not positively. I have been told many times that I was SEEN places I've never been, doing things I have never done, they were absolutely positive it was me, and I'm a bit unique in appearance so that's very hard to understand.

As usual, I read the comments, and as usual the comments generated discussion beyond the topic. This particular off-topic comment was interesting:

...Could this relate to the percentage of us that will persistently perceive the negative, when no bias or even a positive bias is expressed? Those that will always look for the hidden message which must of course be negative? Then again, some percentage of the population will always perceive the positive, when negative aspects are presented? Would the term “Predetermined Perception (of reality)” apply to either? Are both simply alternate ways of filtering the real world to fit our expectations?....

Daughter is one of those folks who, if there's any necessity to fill in the blanks, any action or comment she doesn't fully understand, will always fill in negatively. She will attribute negative motives where none exist, until proven differently. That expectation is just a part of her personality, and has existed since infancy.

I'm mostly the opposite. I give the benefit of doubt. I expect and will attribute positive or neutral motives right up until the other person slaps me in the face. And even then, I try to understand why.

I'm not sure which is better.

Daughter assumes negativity, and is satisfied when she is right, and is pleasantly surprised when she's wrong.

I make positive assumptions, but being right is just "eh", and when I'm proven wrong I am terribly, deeply, hurt by the abuse of my trust.

So in the long run, maybe Daughter is happier? Maybe she's not because it's not often her negative assumptions are corrected, so she doesn't trust easily? Am I and my Pollyanna outlook better off, because it mostly doesn't matter when I'm wrong since I seldom actually get hurt? Is it better to run negative with frequent peaks of pleasant surprise, or to run positive with occasional plunges of hurt and disappointment?

Eh?

If someone says something to you and you're not sure where they're coming from do you assume a positive meaning or a negative meaning?
If you see someone hanging around outside a building, do you assume they're waiting for a ride, or that they're scoping the place out for a robbery?
Do you assume people want to take from you or give to you?
Do you interpret things negatively or positively until otherwise proven? And why?

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A quick example from a few weeks ago. Daughter and I were on a main road at about 5:30 pm, traffic was heavy, when we passed a house with a business-suited woman trying to open a front window, next to the front door, only a few feet from the road. She had gotten out of her car parked in front of the house and had gone straight to the window. Daughter wanted to call 911 and report a break-in in progress. I was not concerned. I pointed out that there was too much stop-and-go traffic and she was too visible for it to be a break-in. My immediate assumption was that she had locked herself out.

(I'd have been more concerned if she were working on a side or back window, and wearing something other than a skirt and high heels. And even if it was a break-in, being that visible, I'll bet she is known to the occupants.)

What would you think? Which way would you be inclined to jump first?
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3464 Jasper says, yummies?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Your day is only as good as the strength of the table you're dancing on.

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A few weeks ago when Nugget was working on her first two teeth, Daughter was having difficulty finding biscuits for her to teethe on. Not so many years ago we had zweiback. It was ideal because the baby couldn't break off large chunks, and small chunks would soften before choking the baby.

Daughter couldn't find zweiback anywhere. I don't know why. The baby sections had teething biscuits, but they were scary because they'd break into large solid chunks that we'd have to fish out of the Nugget's mouth over her objections.

So I told Daughter a story that I thought would make her cringe. Yeah, I gave her zweiback when she was teething, but there was something that worked better. I had two dogs at the time, and Daughter loved the doggy cookies. Milk Bones. There's nothing awful in them, and they work very well. Daughter teethed on Milk Bones.

To my surprise, she thought that was a great idea.

Hence this photo:
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3463 Blast from the past

Monday, February 13, 2012

The most common way people give up their power
is by thinking they don’t have any.
-- Alice Walker --

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A number of posts ago I mentioned that when I lived in Ottawa, Ontario, we kids had a lot of freedom. We'd take the city bus into the city and skate on the Rideau Canal that winds through the downtown. Well, the Boston Globe's Big Picture spread today is all about ice skating, and I was surprised to immediately recognize this location:

This is photo #7: "Thousands of people skate on the Rideau Canal and take part in Winterlude festivities in Ottawa on February 4, 2012. (Fred Chartrand/The Canadian Press/Associated Press) #"

(It was not that crowded when we kids were skating. There's a festival going on.)
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3462 Jasper says garbage trucks are scary.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Caring for the health of others - isn’t that a moral value?

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I don't care for most groups that define themselves as "metal". Seems like it's just noise with screaming. But check out the Swedish group "Therion". They seem to have had training in music theory, and the lead actually sings. Well, I haven't heard everything they've done, but what I have heard is interesting.

Go to Youtube and search for 'therion'. Don't watch the videos - just listen.

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I have a profile on OKCupid. It's usually disabled, doesn't show up, but occasionally I enable it to check the journals or profiles of others, or when I'm bored and want to see how random people answered questions. And then I can't disable it for a week, them's the rules ya know, so sometimes it's visible. I have a paragraph at the top saying that it's virtually invisible, and should be ignored. I still get the occasional nibble anyway. And I think about them.

Back when I had active profiles, I did meet some guys. I have a rule that I don't chat, or have extended email explorations, or phone calls. If we look at all interesting to each other, we meet someplace quiet but public immediately. I figure you can learn more about a person in one lunch than in weeks of emails or phone calls.

Partly that rule is because of one guy I'd corresponded with back in 2006. He owned a used bookstore just over the line in Connecticut and wrote the most beautiful emails. We clicked in philosophical matters. We couldn't seem to get our schedules in synch, so we corresponded for three months before we met, and by then I was half in love with him. Then one day we met.

He was a complete mess, physically and emotionally. He had severe edema in his legs, couldn't walk more than a few feet, and didn't know why because he hadn't seen a doctor about it. The skin was actually cracking and weeping. He had three dogs that literally were not allowed out of his sight. We couldn't go to the restaurant originally selected because there wasn't parking close to the outdoor dining area. We had to find a restaurant with a patio in sight of the parking lot so he'd be able to see the dogs in the car. And it was COLD and windy that day.

I was so disappointed, because by then ... well, I felt bad not just because I was crushed, but because I like to think I'm more interested in mind than body, but "maybe I'm fooling myself, maybe I'm a bad person for having so negative a reaction", and so on.

So after that, if you look interesting, we MEET, immediately, before you can crawl into my mind and heart and set up shop, and I'm forced to evict you.

Of course I haven't met anyone from those sites in years, not since the first date with The Man, but I remember what it was like.

Most of these guys seem to have a weird expectation. They seem to think that having agreed to meet, we already have some kind of relationship, a commitment. Like if there were anyone around to introduce me to, I'd already be presented as "my girlfriend". Some kind of Wild Western mail-order bride. And if you don't act like that, some of them get angry. If at the end of the meeting you indicate that you are happy to have met him but don't think we're a good match, they act like "why did you agree to meet me if you don't intend to follow through, why did you waste my time?" Yeah, I've heard those exact words.

I guess one way to handle that is to part letting him think you adore him, and then say no thanks from the safety of home. And that's another reason avoiding emails (except through the site) and phone calls is a good idea. I don't give out my contact info or my last name until the third date.

I guess it's because so many of those guys are desperate for a woman. That's all they want. A woman. Almost any will do. Some of them want only a vagina.

What do I want? (If I were still trolling online, that is....)

I DON'T want a man who
- needs a woman to complete his life.
- needs a housekeeper, maid, cook, or nurse.
- expects to move in together.
- starts out thinking we'll be getting married.
- wants someone to share expenses with that he can also sleep with.
- is willing to accept me before even knowing me.

I DO want a man who
- already is secure and happy alone.
- wants someone to share enthusiasms (museums, activities, festivals, travel) with.
- wants one or two weekends a month together (eventually), his place or mine.
- is willing to go Dutch on almost everything.
- doesn't need me, but learns to appreciate and want me.
- (Yeah, there are some bedroom requirements, too, but let's start with the basics.)

You know what? I think that kind of guy is extremely rare on online dating sites.
Wow. A light bulb just went on.
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3461 So, um, don't use it

Friday, February 10, 2012

Dilbert’s coworker - "Someday I want to get married because studies show
that married people are happier."
Dilbert's response - "A smarter interpretation
is that no one wants to marry an unhappy person."
-- "Dilbert", 2/10/12 --

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The above - so true. Nobody wants to marry an unhappy person (except that guy who married the blogger with the headaches, never did understand that, she's ALWAYS unhappy). Nobody even wants to be around someone who is unhappy all the time. It's a drag and it's draining. People who manage to be happy with their lot are just --- happier. Married or not.

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The Catholic Church is all het up because they don't want to pay for employee's insurance coverage that includes coverage for contraception.

Some people are all het up because they say forcing the Catholic Church to pay for contraception coverage is a violation of the first amendment, which provides for the free exercise of religion.

Huh? I don't understand. Just because insurance covers it doesn't FORCE you to use it. My insurance covers prostate exams, but I assure you I'll never use it. So Catholics who refuse birth control will not be forced to use it. They still have free exercise of their religion.

Many employees of the church, and dependents of employees, are not even Catholic. Why should they be forced to practice Catholicism? If anyone's first amendment rights are being abridged, it's theirs. And it's no secret that most Catholics DO use birth control anyway.

I don't understand.

And all those priests and bishops going on TV telling folks that Obama won't get the Catholic vote if he allows any of their employees easy access to birth control even if the church isn't paying for it! should remember that they will lose their tax exemptions if they tell their congregations how to vote. Isn't there also something about "separation" in the tax laws? They are not allowed to influence elections. (Which brings up another topic - how come so many religious groups do get away with both electioneering AND tax exemptions? I thought that was illegal.)

Way to piss me off.
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3460 Jasper says "Buy cat food, NOW!"

Friday, February 10, 2012

Ask Jesus about torture.

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The TV is predicting a "Major Winter Event!!!" Oh wow! Batten down the hatches! Load up on gasoline and pantry staples!

Um, turns out we're expecting 1 to 3 inches of snow, and a very cold weekend. It might actually get below freezing, at night. Daytime will be in the low to mid 40s.

OMG, we're all going to die!

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Norovirus is closing schools and colleges in the area. It's highly contagious and I really really don't want it. I'm blood type O, and the few times I've had it in the past (about 18 hours of Hell) I really didn't care if I died.

If you get it, fill a jug with water, and take it and a straw, and a pillow and a blanket and a soft pad to lie on into the bathroom, and settle down. You have to keep drinking water. Dehydration is the greatest danger. (If you get Noro, you'll know why.) And why do you need the jug if you're in the bathroom, where there are faucets? Because you won't be able to stand up long enough to get to the faucet.

When you feel better, clean all surfaces you touched with bleach - not alcohol - alcohol doesn't kill it - and avoid people for three days after, because you will still be contagious.

And don't come anywhere near me!
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3459 Jasper says "Just get her a litter box."

Friday, February 10, 2012

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
-- Voltaire --

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Late last week Daughter pretty much crashed and burned. Nugget is 9.5 months old, and she's still waking multiple times during the night, demanding attention, breast, diaper change, whatever, and she doesn't go back down easily. Daughter is getting no sleep.

Daughter is doing an excellent job with Nugget. She's strong and healthy, interested and curious, social and happy, active and bubbly, and sings and dances constantly. So I've pretty much refrained from interference, offering advice only when it's requested. But all along I've been a bit disturbed at a lack of schedule. She's put down for a nap when she's tired. She's responded to when she wakes during the night. She's taken out on social jaunts when her parents go, regardless of "nap times", but she loves people, so she's "not tired".

I won't go through the whole conversation, but the key was getting Daughter to realize that Nugget is in charge!, and she's not old enough to be making those decisions. So we talked about some changes, like scheduled times for morning and afternoon nap, whether Nugget says she's tired or not. Her internal clock will adjust. The adults will have to work around those times, but at least it's predictable. And a definite bedtime, with a ceremony that says "this is night sleep", and if she stands and screams, just sweep her feet out from under her and lay her down until she gets the idea. Part of the problem is that Nugget seems to think of night time as just a series of 1.5 hour naps. She needs to know that it's different.

A second problem involves diaper changes. Nugget won't lie quietly on her back. She twists and turns and crawls rapidly away. She's willing to stand holding onto a chair for a diaper change, but that doesn't work for poopy diapers. A few weeks ago I told Daughter that I didn't want to change poopy diapers any more when I'm keeping her, because I just can't do it with the kid upside down, or running away, or in whatever twisted position she chooses, and I don't want to fight with her. Nugget is very stubborn. Again, Daughter had to admit that the Nugget is in charge of diaper changes, and that's not acceptable. So when she starts with the twisting, Daughter can't just accept and accommodate it sweetly. She'll have to register disapproval and make it clear exactly what she wants. The kid's going to get nothing but bigger and stronger, so you have to start now.

I agreed to play with Nugget in the morning so Daughter can get a 2-hour nap until things settle down. I warned that it might be a few weeks. Daughter and Hercules discussed it over the weekend, and agreed on the schedules and the ground rules.

It's been amazing! In only four nights, Nugget settled down to one wake-up-briefly-and-back to sleep without attention two hours after being put down, and then a "want a drink" at 4 am, also brief and back to sleep after a few sips. Super overnight diapers helped, too. I changed a poopy diaper yesterday, and the Nugget made one brief attempt to arch her back and roll over and get away, I said "No!", and she immediately stopped and lay quietly.

She's such a good baby. All she needed was to learn what is expected of her.

Yesterday Nugget was pushing a box around the floor, practicing walking. I got my camera out, but when she saw the camera she left the box and came to stand at my knee. The camera case is attached to my camera with a thong. She played with the case, but wanted the camera. "Oo oo oo" means "I like that! Give it to me!" Usually it works. At the very end, 1:54, she gives a mighty jerk on the cord to pull the camera closer. Catch her face after that.

I showed the clip to her on the camera screen three times, and she was fascinated. I think she recognized it as herself, like a mirror, but somehow not! Wow! Magic, Gramma!
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3458 Life

Monday, February 6, 2012

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
-- Maori proverb --

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On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

*The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God, again saw it was good.*

*On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.*

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You asked for it.."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

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(Note: I've had dogs who made it to twenty.)
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3457 NY Sales Tax!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

What is hateful to you do not do to others.
That is the entire law. All the rest is commentary.
-- Rabbi Hillel the Elder (paraphrased) --

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Friday I was very proud of myself. I located online and filled out the four-page form for the final tax filing for my NY DBA, indicating that I was killing it, enclosed my original tax authority certificate, and mailed it to Albany. I made 2 copies of the tax forms and the certificate - one for my files and one for my accountant. And I did it all two weeks before required. Yea me!

Yesterday morning I walked along the waterfront with a Meetup group (8 other adults, a child, and a basset hound), and had lunch with a smaller group in a tiny diner in town.

When I got home, I got out some 8.5 x 11 photo paper and made copies of a few hundred photos for Daughter. Actually, I'm giving her the originals, I made the copies for me. It took all afternoon, into evening, to do it all.

The very first set came out oddly. I had arranged six snapshots on the scanner screen, put photo paper in the hopper, and pressed "copy" - and was amazed that the photos came out with ... text ... NYS tax form text ... in the spaces ... between the photos .... Ack!

I had left the last page of the tax form in the copier! That's the page with my signature, and email address, and phone number! I sent off an incomplete form! Ack!

I can't simply make another copy, include the original final page, and send it again, because the certificate went in the original package! If this were a reasonable business, you'd think that would be ok, that they could put together the parts from two different mailings.

But this is NOT a reasonable business. This is the New York State tax machine. It's an impenetrable bureaucracy - so impenetrable that when you call the phone number, you get a tape that tells you to go to the website. Period.

Of course, this situation won't be on the website.

I have no other option but to do just what I can't - to write a cover letter, attach the full tax form and a copy of the certificate, send it by overnight mail so it will arrive about the same time as the other - and hope that with the literally tens of thousands (maybe hundreds of thousands) of forms they'll be receiving, someone will be smart enough to put the two halves together.

(Um, it has been my experience that they don't read explanatory letters. I don't have much hope. And given that there is a hefty fine for being late, and a hefty cost to replace a "lost" cretificate, there's not exactly any incentive for them to make it easy.)

I am crushed.
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3456 Jasper says, "Eat more cat food!"

Saturday, February 4, 2012

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.
--Sinclair Lewis --

(Yep. I hear ya, man.)

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I'm having fits about food.

I have osteopenia - mainly as a result of suppression of calcium absorption caused by years on Nexium and Prilosec for severe acid reflux when I was heavy. So my GP said to increase my calcium intake, both dietary and supplements.

The nutritionist whose recommendations helped me to lose the weight wanted me to get most of my proteins from from beans, nuts, and dairy products like eggs, yogurt, and cheese. When I eat a carb, it should be combined with a protein, like peanut butter with an apple. I usually eat only one palm-sized serving of meat a day, maybe four or five of the seven days a week.

To slow down any tendency of the macular degeneration to grow, the ophthalmologist says I should eat more dark green vegetables, like kale, collards, spinach, and chard.

So far, it all goes together.

BUT
Because my kidney stones are calcium oxalate, the urologist says to curb my calcium and oxalate intake.

The dairy products are full of calcium. The dark greens and peanuts are full of oxalate.

I'm going nuts trying to figure out what I CAN eat. It's like I have both Jack Spratt and his wife inside.

Maybe I should just throw it all away and go on my grandmother's diet. She lived into her middle nineties on pot roast, cabbage, and root vegetables like parsnips, turnips, radishes, carrots, onions, potatoes, and rutabagas. And the occasional macaroni salad. And lots of Welsh cookies. Which are full of lard. Which makes them good.

Or I could take Jasper's advice.
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3455 Mental Gymnastics

Friday, February 3, 2012

Vegetarian: an old Native American word meaning "lousy hunter".

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I have a small patch of hair on the left side of my head, maybe like an eighth of an inch in diameter at the roots, that wants to stick out. The hair around it curves down, but this tendril wants to curve up. Every morning I have to wet that little patch and curve it over my fingers to get it to blend in.

But wind, dampness, whatever can make it stand up again.

This morning I stood there at the sink with the patch curling up, sticking up like a tiny antelope horn, feeling a bit of frustration, and I got the scissors out to cut it off. Just cut the part that curves up. It'll be shorter than the hair around it, might look like a bit strange...

...then I suddenly decided to leave it, let it do what it wants. I'll just call it cute. It's CUTE! Got it?

This afternoon I walked past a mirror, saw the lock sticking out, smiled, and thought without thinking, "Aw, that's cute."

I wish I could do that with other parts of my life.
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3454 Jasper says "Curtains are stupid!"

Thursday, February 2, 2012

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
-- Steven Wright --

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It got up to 67 degrees yesterday afternoon, and sunny. I put Hal's top down, and it was very nice. The groundhog says six more weeks of winter, but this winter I don't mind.

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I didn't get around to changing the batteries in the smoke detector yesterday, partly because as the morning went on, the chirps got weaker and farther apart, and finally stopped, so I forgot about it. Now I'm wondering why it stopped. It's wired into the house, so why wouldn't it continue chirping? And if it's on house power, why would the battery run down anyway? Isn't it just for backup? Shouldn't it last as long as the backup batteries in clock radios?

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I don't understand why soccer fans seem to be so fond of deadly riots. From ABC News, about yesterday's riot:

A narrow stadium exit turned into a death trap. Crowds of Egyptian soccer fans fleeing supporters of the opposing team armed with knives, clubs and stones rushed into the corridor, only to be crushed against a locked gate, their rivals attacking from behind, survivors and witnesses said.

The result was the world's worst soccer violence in 15 years, with 74 people crushed, suffocated or stabbed to death.

Huh? I just don't get it.

Most of the news articles talk about how the police "allowed" it to happen because they don't like the restraints they're under since the fall of Mubarak. They are not so powerful any more, so this is seen as "teaching the people a lesson", that police repression is needed. And so on, blah blah.

But nobody has addressed the reason soccer fans seem so prone to violence - whether they win or lose. They shouldn't NEED repressive police to keep fans from killing each other. What about THAT!

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I love this, from "Friends of Irony":
I hope the kitty was stopped before he overdosed.
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3453 Oh! The Ravens!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr. --

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On Sunday I promised an answer to why the legend is that the monarchy is doomed if the ravens leave the tower, and then I wandered away.

There are many theories, most of them much too literary, much too complicated, involving too much navel-gazing. The simplest answer (with the exception of explanations of human motives) is often the truest.

Ravens eat (among other things) carrion. The Tower was the site of executions, and the bodies of traitors to the Crown were left on display. Ravens hung around for the feasts.

If the Crown grew complacent and stopped public executions of traitors, it would be a sign of weakness, and the Crown wouldn't exist for long.

Simple.
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3452 Jasper says he loves me anyway.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

There’s a skinny woman inside me begging to get out.
I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.

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I have a few personality defects. Everyone does. Mostly I don't think about them. If they bother other people, they can take it or leave it.

One of them is a desire for control. It worked to our advantage in my relationship with Jay because he needed a manager, and appreciated my taking over most decisions, and he was clear enough when things or directions were important to him that I knew when it was important to defer.

Now, with Daughter and the Nugget, I am making a real effort to back off. Daughter will do or not do things with Nugget, and I sometimes have to bite my tongue. Even when she asks my advice, I'll give her some options, things to consider, and then I'll end with, "But you're the Mommy. You know best. You know her best, and your instincts will be good."

Of course my halo slips often. Like "Um, shouldn't she have a hat on?" Daughter is also getting better at resisting me, "She hates hats, and that jacket is very warm." So far I've been good enough that I can be proud of myself.

There is one defect that I do struggle with, because it directly affects me. I tend to carry old resentment. The more I examine it, the more it seems to be bound up with Ex#2. Even 30 years after leaving him, I still get flashes of annoyance at him, and it's not even anything he has done recently - it's all old old old stuff that I can't seem to let go of.

For example, every time I clean the lint filter in the dryer, I think of him and feel smoldering anger. Every! Single! Time! For 30 years! I'm tired of feeling that anger and wish I could stop it, but I can't.

Back then I would occasionally ask him to move laundry from the washer to the dryer, or get a load out of the dryer and bring it to me for hanging and folding. And every time he'd dutifully clean the lint filter.

Now, the proper way to clear the lint filter is to catch an edge of the lint blanket and roll it up and out off the screen, right?

He'd press his fingers on the top of the middle of the lint and rub as hard as he could, which forced most of the lint through the screen and into the air. There'd be a few balls formed, which he'd lift out. After a few loads of his cleaning the filter, everything within 20 feet of the laundry room would be covered with a layer of lint.

I showed him how to do it neatly over and over, and then I'd walk in and he'd be standing in a cloud of lint, furiously rubbing the screen again. He never learned. Eventually I gave up and would have to drop whatever I was doing, no matter what, to go hang his shirts before the wrinkles set. And when I walked past him sitting there with his feet up, dozing, waiting for dinner, I'd get angry.

There was no point in telling him that it was ok to spread the lint if he'd vacuum it up. He would vacuum if I asked him to, but he'd crash the beater head into everything, knocking over plants and lamps and scarring wood furniture. Then when he changed the bag, he'd squash the full bag into the kitchen garbage can opening up, and a cloud of dust would envelope everything in the kitchen. He never learned how to vacuum, either.

He also lied about having done things he never did, like when he swore that he'd registered toddler Daughter for the company Christmas party, but when we arrived, she was not allowed in because she'd never been registered. He had forgotten, and after the deadline passed, he lied rather than admit he'd forgotten. Or this or that or the other thing.

There were so many things like that, and when I am reminded of them now, I get flashbacks and feel the anger in full force all over again.

I grew to hate him.

Throughout my life, there have been people who "done me wrong" in one way or another, like the guy who took credit (and the award and promotion) for my work, or the guys who lied to me on topics they knew were important to me, and so on. Even Jay bugged the hell out of me occasionally, like when I'd leave him alone in the den thinking he was working (he telecommuted the last year he worked) and I'd walk in with a sandwich for him and find him deep in a computer game. Which meant that we'd have to cancel the evening plans because he had stuff due the next day.

I remember all of that, but I no longer feel the anger or frustration. In many cases I feel sorry for the miscreant because I understand what led them to do what they did, even if I don't agree with their motives, or I find the story amusing now. Now, it's all just stuff that happened.

Why can't I let it go where Ex#2 is concerned?

Possibly because he never listened to me. Never gave any credit to anything I said. Never admitted there was any kind of problem. Never seemed to care about my feelings. Never admitted any fault. Never said Oops. According to Daughter, to this day he's the same. And maybe knowing that he's still alive, still the same, still won't admit fault, maybe that's why I still resent him. (Plus, he still hasn't admitted hiding assets at the divorce.)

I don't know. I just wish I could let it go. I'm tired of being angry at him. Tired of him intruding into my laundry days.
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3451 Jasper wonders where the bird is.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
-- Steven Wright --

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It's now 7:30 AM, and it's 47 F and raining. This is a very strange winter.

I was awakened at 2:30 am. I had been dreaming that I was masturbating (I wasn't, and that's a very strange dream for me) and a massive orgasm woke me up at the same time I heard a smoke alarm chirp. It's since been chirping every 30 seconds (hence Jasper wandering around wondering where the bird is). I don't want to climb a ladder until I've had breakfast and caffeine, so it's still chirping.

The orgasm thing is worrying me a bit, although it's also very nice. That's never happened in my sleep before, not that I know of, anyway, until this past week. This was the second in a week. Maybe like an adolescent boy, my androgens are out of whack? Pituitary problem? Where's House when you need him. (Wasn't there a House show, or Scrubs, or maybe a Grey's Anatomy episode, long ago about a woman who was having spontaneous orgasms all day?)

It's weird that since menopause I've become much more responsive, not less. And it's definitely not the "lack of fear of pregnancy" that so many people want to attribute it to. It's real sensitivity, like nerve connections that had been dulled before. Throughout my youth I'd had to tell guys to quit fiddling with my breasts. It was more annoying than stimulating. Last year I had my first orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. Blew my mind! (Yeah, The Man is GOOD!)

I suspect a lot of older women experience that awakening. I suspect it goes either up or down, maybe in equal numbers. For those of us that go up, it's unfortunate that men of our age are slowing down. We want more than they can provide. Maybe that's why so many older women are interested in younger men.
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3450 Jasper is snoring, so no title.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle
will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
-- The Buddha --

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Along about January 18th I got a bit concerned about Jasper. He ate some dry food, drank a little water, then promptly threw it all up. He did that once in the morning and once in the evening. Cats are famous for throwing up, but Jasper almost never throws up - probably because he almost never grooms himself, so he doesn't ingest fur. This was a new cat food, and maybe it didn't agree with him, or he didn't like it.

He seemed ok until the next evening, when I noticed he hadn't nibbled at his food since morning. The day after that I noticed that there was no new poopy in the litter box. By then it was Friday evening. He didn't seem to be uncomfortable, and his belly felt like the usual birthday balloon. If he wasn't eating, no poop wouldn't be odd. He was still drinking water and piddling.

Was he blocked? Or just registering a stubborn rejection of the new (good for kidneys, which automatically means cats will hate it) food?

Saturday, Sunday, no eating, no pooping. I decided to call the traveling "vet in a van" on Monday.

Monday morning there was poop in the litter. Why do pets and kids always get sickest just before the weekend, when you go nuts wondering what you should do, then they're all better on Monday? (Ok, not just pets and kids. If I'm going to have any kind of emergency attack, it'll happen on a weekend. Always.)

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I've given up on "lose" and "loose". Even professional writers don't seem capable of figuring it out any more. Now there's a new one. Five times in the past three days, in five different places, I've seen "mirrow" when the writer meant "mirror".

I am depressed.

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I read a natural science article on ravens and crows. I used to enjoy watching the crows from my back deck at the old house. They're playful acrobats, and smart. There were ravens on one of the trails I used to walk. They're sober, and even smarter.

I've seen the ravens at the Tower of London. Their wings are clipped, so they can't fly far, to keep them from leaving because of some old prophesy that when the ravens leave the tower, the monarchy will fall. "If the Tower of London ravens are lost or fly away, the Crown will fall and Britain with it."

Funny how nobody ever questions that prophesy. How would the ravens leaving affect the monarchy?

Leave your theories in the comments. I'll tell why tomorrow.
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3449 Jasper says, "Catnip?"

Sunday, January 29, 2012

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
-- Steven Wright --

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I don't seem to be updating much lately. Don't know why. Oh, well....

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Back when I was choosing my new glasses and lenses, the rep talked me out of progressives. After I had researched progressives and realized she had given me very good advice probably at the cost of a larger sale, I wrote a letter to LensCrafters' corporate complimenting her.

Early last week I went in to pick up the gold glasses, that they had told me would take about two weeks. They took a lot less. I was fitted by the store manager. He was really nice. The glasses were perfect, and then they replaced the badly-cut lenses in the silver frames, and they were perfect, too. Then as I stood up to leave, he said, "I want to thank you for the letter you wrote to corporate. That was really nice of you."

Wow. I thought it would be anonymous. Well, I've accidentally discovered the way to get great and fast service, I guess.

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I still don't understand men's ties. They've got to be more idiotic than women's high heels (although not as idiotic as those stupid platform shoes). And if you absolutely have to wear the tie because it's "traditional" and says "serious business attire", then what the heck is wrong with clip-on ties? Does it HAVE to be difficult and uncomfortable to count?

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I watched "Driving Miss Daisy" on cable a few days ago, and was shocked by something I missed the first umpteen times I'd watched it. I think it was probably the late '60s when the son gave the chauffeur a $75/week raise. It knocked me over. In the late '60s a teacher's starting salary was $4,500 per YEAR! The usual decent raise was $300 per YEAR! When I started with IBM, a programmer made about $9,000 per year.

I think I went into the wrong profession.

I mentioned it to Daughter, and she said quite seriously that when she graduated from college with the engineering degree in three areas, chauffeurs were earning more than she, and she had seriously considered switching careers.

Now, I think the chauffeur's raise in the movie had more to do with appreciation for his care for Miss Daisy than with the job, but although he showed appreciation for the amount, his reaction was not like he'd just won a million-dollar lottery, which is more like it. It was his "Wow. OK. Thanks." reaction that floored me.

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I had a brief discussion re macular degeneration with Zarina in the comments on a previous post. I agree with her that sometimes it can move quickly, and I'll need to have it checked often. Later I remembered something.

I'm trying to remember when it was. Jay was alive and healthy, so it must have been before 1998. My vision plan didn't cover optometrists but did cover ophthalmologists, so when it was time for a new prescription, I went to an ophthalmologist. I don't remember exactly what he said, but he did mention macular degeneration, both eyes, very small, nothing to worry about, but --- he gave me a square grid with a dot in the middle. I was to put it on the wall somewhere that I'd see it every day (I put it on the refrigerator), and I was to call him immediately if the lines ever got wavy.

It was there for years, got aged, stained, and tattered, and then one day somebody "helped" me by cleaning all the junk off the refrigerator (yeah, Daughter, I'm looking at you), and the grid disappeared. (The opthalmologist had died suddenly a few years before, and the scandal in the village was that his landlord had thrown out all his records.) I didn't bother replacing the grid.

Between then and now, probably 15 years or more, I've had four or five exams, all with dilation, some with ophthalmologists and some with optometrists, and no one has mentioned macular degeneration until this recent one.

So, it doesn't seem to be progressing. And the spots are in exactly the same place in both eyes, so it might even be congenital. Evidence arguing for a congenital spot of insufficient blood supply is that every ophthalmologist and optometrist I've ever seen since the age of 12 has remarked that they can't get me to 20-20.

So I doubt that it's a big deal. On the other hand, I have to watch for the effects of age, so it's a good idea to get an eye exam every year and mention that they should look for it.
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