4056 Andy's profile.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words.

If you can control the meaning of words,

you can control the people who must use them.

--Philip K. Dick--

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I LOVE this!  It reminds me so much of Jay.  If he'd had a profile, it might have looked much like this.

Hi, my name is Andy and I am trying out the new mobile matchmaking app Tinder. I hope to find my future love on here. Thanks for checking out my profile!

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2gDZf-x_LI]

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3462 Jasper says garbage trucks are scary.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Caring for the health of others - isn’t that a moral value?

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I don't care for most groups that define themselves as "metal". Seems like it's just noise with screaming. But check out the Swedish group "Therion". They seem to have had training in music theory, and the lead actually sings. Well, I haven't heard everything they've done, but what I have heard is interesting.

Go to Youtube and search for 'therion'. Don't watch the videos - just listen.

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I have a profile on OKCupid. It's usually disabled, doesn't show up, but occasionally I enable it to check the journals or profiles of others, or when I'm bored and want to see how random people answered questions. And then I can't disable it for a week, them's the rules ya know, so sometimes it's visible. I have a paragraph at the top saying that it's virtually invisible, and should be ignored. I still get the occasional nibble anyway. And I think about them.

Back when I had active profiles, I did meet some guys. I have a rule that I don't chat, or have extended email explorations, or phone calls. If we look at all interesting to each other, we meet someplace quiet but public immediately. I figure you can learn more about a person in one lunch than in weeks of emails or phone calls.

Partly that rule is because of one guy I'd corresponded with back in 2006. He owned a used bookstore just over the line in Connecticut and wrote the most beautiful emails. We clicked in philosophical matters. We couldn't seem to get our schedules in synch, so we corresponded for three months before we met, and by then I was half in love with him. Then one day we met.

He was a complete mess, physically and emotionally. He had severe edema in his legs, couldn't walk more than a few feet, and didn't know why because he hadn't seen a doctor about it. The skin was actually cracking and weeping. He had three dogs that literally were not allowed out of his sight. We couldn't go to the restaurant originally selected because there wasn't parking close to the outdoor dining area. We had to find a restaurant with a patio in sight of the parking lot so he'd be able to see the dogs in the car. And it was COLD and windy that day.

I was so disappointed, because by then ... well, I felt bad not just because I was crushed, but because I like to think I'm more interested in mind than body, but "maybe I'm fooling myself, maybe I'm a bad person for having so negative a reaction", and so on.

So after that, if you look interesting, we MEET, immediately, before you can crawl into my mind and heart and set up shop, and I'm forced to evict you.

Of course I haven't met anyone from those sites in years, not since the first date with The Man, but I remember what it was like.

Most of these guys seem to have a weird expectation. They seem to think that having agreed to meet, we already have some kind of relationship, a commitment. Like if there were anyone around to introduce me to, I'd already be presented as "my girlfriend". Some kind of Wild Western mail-order bride. And if you don't act like that, some of them get angry. If at the end of the meeting you indicate that you are happy to have met him but don't think we're a good match, they act like "why did you agree to meet me if you don't intend to follow through, why did you waste my time?" Yeah, I've heard those exact words.

I guess one way to handle that is to part letting him think you adore him, and then say no thanks from the safety of home. And that's another reason avoiding emails (except through the site) and phone calls is a good idea. I don't give out my contact info or my last name until the third date.

I guess it's because so many of those guys are desperate for a woman. That's all they want. A woman. Almost any will do. Some of them want only a vagina.

What do I want? (If I were still trolling online, that is....)

I DON'T want a man who
- needs a woman to complete his life.
- needs a housekeeper, maid, cook, or nurse.
- expects to move in together.
- starts out thinking we'll be getting married.
- wants someone to share expenses with that he can also sleep with.
- is willing to accept me before even knowing me.

I DO want a man who
- already is secure and happy alone.
- wants someone to share enthusiasms (museums, activities, festivals, travel) with.
- wants one or two weekends a month together (eventually), his place or mine.
- is willing to go Dutch on almost everything.
- doesn't need me, but learns to appreciate and want me.
- (Yeah, there are some bedroom requirements, too, but let's start with the basics.)

You know what? I think that kind of guy is extremely rare on online dating sites.
Wow. A light bulb just went on.
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3223 CLASSmates, fellas, not classMATES!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

In the United States, sex (and everything related to it) is an obsession; elsewhere, it's a fact.

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I wouldn't mind finding some old high school or college classmates, so to further that end, I have a profile on Classmates.com, and through them have located a few old friends here and there.

I went to school in Benton for part of first grade through part of fifth grade, then to two schools in Canada, then back to Benton for eighth grade and part of ninth, then to the mountain for the rest of high school, then to college, then after some time teaching, to The Company.

So all those schools and The Company are listed as my "communities".

What really gets me is the huge number of guys who seem to think that Classmates.com is a dating site. There are guys (and it's always males) who were at one place or another so far before or after me that it's impossible that we ever met, let alone were friends, and yet they visit my profile over and over, and keep signing my Guestbook like they hope I'll visit their profile, and sometimes they even send me notes: "Hey! I think I remember you! Wanna get together some time?" Impossible, man. I was gone ten years before you even arrived.

It's very annoying. Flattering I guess, but annoying.
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1980 Dating Thoughts

Friday, August 29, 2008

A certain early-20's-something blogger (a very nice-looking, intelligent, funny guy) has decided to try online dating, and has put his proposed profile out for comment. Almost all his 35 commenters have told him not to mention booze and bars so much. It sounds like that's his main interest in life.

Having read his blog for the past year, I'm aware that he has other interests, but bars and booze do seem to be the only way he knows to socialize. That means most of the girls he's been meeting are also boozers and barflies. I'm not surprised that nothing works out. I recommended that perhaps he needs not to change his profile, but to change his lifestyle. Other social activities might yield and ultimately attract more of the kind of women he wants to meet.

That got me thinking about how I've met most of the men in my life, and how would I go about meeting a man now (if I were in the market, that is).

I'd never realized it before, but ALL of the relationships I've had that were at least temporarily satisfying were with men I met either through work, or through Mensa.

With the guys I met "on the street", so to speak, it seems like right from the start it was work keeping it going. Of course there was something about him that attracted me, and kept me trying, but there was a lot of head butting and eye rolling on both sides until finally I (or he, but usually I) gave up.

I think it was a matter of similar experiences, education, taste, opinion, and values. I think I was more likely to find that similarity in a coworker or Mensan.

Interesting.

(Of course, it's possible I'm just too demanding and stubborn, and will compromise only so far, but I like me that way.)
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1813 Meeting Men

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I'm not looking for a man right now, thank goodness, but I'm aware of another young lady who is, and there doesn't seem to be anyone available and suitable among her immediate acquaintances. She asked how one goes about meeting guys.

I've been thinking about it. That's a hard one.

A year and a half ago when I wanted to meet men, lots of people had lots of suggestions, none of which were very helpful.

Internet dating.
Suitable. Suitable is a requirement. I met lots of men, but none of them were suitable. Maybe with exactly the right profile, and maybe with "winking" at every guy who seemed sane, maybe eventually it would have worked (Daughter met Hercules through Cupid.com), but I think the field is much more fertile for younger people than for my age group. Some of the guys I met were very emotionally damaged, and very desperate.

Church activities.
I'm sure that one might meet some very nice guys at church activities, but do I want a guy who's big on church activities? Uh, no, not especially.

Sierra Club, and Mohonk "singles' hikes", ski club, etc.
I'm sure one would meet healthy guys there, but do I want a guy who's seriously into hiking or skiing? Uh, no. Walking in the woods, yes. Hiking, no. Skiing, hell no. Besides, on the few singles hikes I went on, the only single guys were with dates.

Volunteering, Habitat for Humanity, etc.
I had high hopes for that one, especially Habitat. A guy big on volunteerism would be fine, and liking working with his hands is nice. Unfortunately, most of the people I've met through volunteering have been female. The few single males were downright nasty or decrepit.

Bars.
Single men my age don't go to bars alone unless they're alcoholics.

Folk dancing groups.
Probably lively men, but unlikely to be single, unless they're REALLY into folk dancing, and, uh, I'm not all that sure about a man my age who's really into folk dancing.

Ballroom dancing class.
Yeah, sure. The only men there were dragged in by women, and there were more women than men.

Community parties and small business networking.
This was one of the more likely areas. There were some suitable single men, and there were some possibilities there. But the competition was fierce and potentially vicious.

And so on.

I've concluded that you can't look at it as finding where there might be men in general. You have to first define what a suitable man is like, and where he's likely to be, and then go there.

A man I'd likely find suitable is unlikely to be a hiker, or skier, or dancer, or churchy guy, so there's no point in my looking there.

I'd need to join the local computer club. I find the topics boring, I wouldn't be there for myself, but it's more likely to have suitable single men.

About 1 in 100 men in Mensa are likely to be suitable, and luckily, I met one. Very lucky, in fact, since that was the first and only gathering he'd ever attended, and having attended a second with me, he swears he'll never go to another. So, there are suitable Mensa men, but they're rarely found through Mensa (Catch 22).

In conclusion, it's just like hunting. Standing around in a field is accepting any skunk or possum that comes along. If you're after big game, define your prey, figure out where it's likely to be found, then go there.

Don't forget to bait your trap.
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1772 Online Dating - the Age Thing

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sharon Stone: Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.

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I cancelled and closed all my online dating subscriptions more than a year ago, but one of them is still sending me "matches", and another that runs "speed-dating" evenings is still sending me invitations. I haven't opted out of those notices because who knows whom I might find on one of those lists someday. Like, heh heh, Roman. I'd be tempted to get a free two-week anonymous trial just to toy with his mind.

I think one of the mistakes I made back when I was online was that I was honest about my age, and I used recent photos. Having met several of these guys, and knowing personally two women on the lists, I conclude that everyone lies. I think the women in my age group probably drop 5 or 6 years, and the men (the fools!) drop 8 to 10. (From my own experience, and from what those men told me about their experiences.) So by being honest, I hurt myself because men looking at my profile automatically add years, and assume the photos are from some distant past when I looked decent.

Just like theirs.

Then they conclude I'm too old. (Ha! Little do they know. The guy I'm dating now is more than 10 years younger than I, and he knew it right from the beginning. So there!)

If you ever try online dating, lie like a rug just to get that first meeting. Just like everybody else.

It seems like almost all the men are advertising for women at least five years younger than they are. I don't understand that at any age. Why don't they want women their own age? And especially when the guy's over 55. Age shouldn't matter then, especially when women live longer. By looking for someone so much younger, they seem to be searching less for companionship, and more for an ego boost and eventual nursemaid.

And then there're the guys in their 50s who are looking for "21-77". Poor fellows can't win. I figure they're desperate.

The speed dating folks perpetuate the age thing. These are the actual age ranges for the April sessions:
Women 32-42/Men 34-46
Women 40-50/Men 42-54
Women 24-36/Men 26-38
Women 45-55/Men 47-59
They seem to assume women want to meet older men, and men want to meet younger women (although the difference here isn't as large as in most of the profiles). But since they know everyone lies, why bother with the male/female split anyway? Just give a general range, and add "more or less"?

I called one time to complain that I might be interested in men in their late 50s, and they might be interested in me, but I don't fit the female age range for that session. The organizer laughed and said to come anyway. "Nobody checks ids."

I don't understand.
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