3036 Confidentially

Saturday, July 24, 2010

"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity."
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe --

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The Man. I haven't seen him in weeks. I know he is going through some emotional and financial stress right now, and he has overtones of Aspie which could explain his withdrawal, but that doesn't make it any easier. It could be easy for me to be very depressed about it, easy to feel like I'm just not good enough, that I mishandled something or something, easy to feel rejected, but that's not happening, because, wonder of all wonders, suddenly male admirers are crawling out of the woodwork.

I guess I must be looking pretty good these days. For a while there I thought it was Hal turning heads, but last evening a complete stranger walked up to me in the deli and said, "I just have to tell you, you have beautiful hair." And that was after I'd been rained on and dried fuzzy. Stuff like that keeps happening.

I think it's probably a circle. The attention I've been getting is making me brighten up, giving me confidence and a spring in my step, and brightening up draws attention, which brightens me up some more. Even if it was Hal that started it, it's gone beyond Hal. Whatever. I like it. I'm smiling a lot more lately. Which draws more attention.

Unfortunately, the admirers I could have I don't want, and the one I want I can't have.

I can live with that if I have to.

And The Man? Well, I both want and don't want him. I don't know how to feel about him. He confuses me. I guess that's part of his attraction and repulsion. He's a gentlemanly bad boy. I fall madly in love with him every time I see him, there's so much to admire about him, the sexual chemistry is explosive, but after a few weeks without him, it seems to wear off.

And damn it, I'm the best thing that ever happened to him! He won't realize what he had until I've wandered away. I warned him even before the first unchaperoned date that the only way I could be considered high maintenance is that I require a lot of attention, the only thing I ask for is time. He can't say he hadn't been warned.

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This woman has a point. I think I'll start taking my own reusable "doggie" containers to dinners.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72Z2wmgLiTc&feature=player_embedded#!]

I make very little garbage/trash. I put the garbage out for pickup maybe once every 4 to 6 weeks. Most of my garbage is plastic or paper that the recycle center won't accept, and I can't easily avoid, like take-out containers, the plastic boxes fresh baby spinach comes in, yogurt and cottage cheese containers, poise pads, waxed paper, old CDs, that kind of stuff. On the other hand, I take huge loads of stuff to the recycle center. Sometimes I wonder how much of the recyclables is recycled into something that is again recyclable. I suppose it all eventually becomes trash.
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3035 Getting there

Friday, July 23, 2010

"An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex."
-- Aldous Huxley --

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I have never claimed to be an intellectual.

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Fred the van went to Captain Vantastic this afternoon. I was so proud of Fred. The Hunk drove him and I followed, and Fred behaved beautifully.

The Captain was a bit strange. It was almost like he didn't know who I was. Maybe he was a bit annoyed because I had called him Thursday and told him I'd be dropping the van off Thursday evening, and he was annoyed that I hadn't called to tell him there'd been a change of plans - but I didn't see where it mattered that much. Ok. Communicate better next time.

Rain again today. No deluge, just wetness all day. I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow or Sunday. Tomorrow I want to go to a street fair, and Sunday I hope to visit Daughter (depending on what she's got going on).

She's supposed to call and tell me what her schedule looks like. She hasn't called yet. And Piper or Meg was supposed to call and tell me whether we were going to dinner tonight or tomorrow night, and they haven't called. It's almost 10 pm, so I gather it isn't tonight, but what about tomorrow?

Ok. I see the Captain's problem....
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3034 Dross

Friday, July 23, 2010

"Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency."
-- Raymond Chandler --

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I haven't been here since Tuesday? Wow. I wonder why. I really don't know.

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My feet are black. Wednesday we had rain, heavy, downpour, deluge. I had to go to the CVS and the post office, so when the rain slowed down to a shower, I went. Got to the CVS parking lot, and the skies opened again.

I sat in the car for a long time. I had an umbrella, but the wind would have destroyed it. Finally it slowed down again, and I got out of the car. The water was flowing across the lot, deep and fast. It had waves. It was up to my ankle bones, no exaggeration. I was wearing 2" heel black sandals, made of some composition crap that looks sort of velvety. It thought it would be ok to get them wet. Nope. They bled on my feet.

My two outside toes are black. My soles are black. It got under the toenails, so my toenails are rimmed in black. I was able to scrub it off my insteps, but the heels and toes, and especially the toenails, are still black. I even tried soaking them in the tub and scrubbing with stiff nail brushes.

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Piper's daughter Meg is in town, and she wants to have dinner (she, Piper, me, and a visiting cousin) on the covered patio of a local riverside hotel either tonight or Saturday. Piper is resistant. Chelsea Clinton's wedding is on an estate about two miles upriver on the 31st, and he thinks it will be a madhouse at the hotel this weekend. We think he's nuts. The wedding is a whole week away.

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It's easy to tell that I spend too much time on the internet.

Various TV shows show viral clips. The news has been showing that 11-year-old girl with the unbelievably foul mouth, and her breakdown after being bullied online. Her father chimes in, in a second video. His catchline, also gone viral, is "Consequences will never be the same!"

The Bonnie Hunt show always has a cute animal clip at the end. Yesterday's was a happy puppy discovering deep snow.

Last night Jimmy Kimmel had the "double rainbow guy" on as a guest. On the clip, he sounds high as a kite. "Whoa! What does this meeeeean!"

I'd already seen all four video clips.
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3033 I have an idea...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it."
-- Emerson Pugh --

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The Problem:

We've had a lot of heat, so people like to leave the car windows down a bit.

We've had sudden downpours, out of skies that had been solid blue minutes before.

Several people have mentioned to me having left windows open, and coming back to sopping seats.

It's been so humid that nothing seems to dry completely (except the ground, grass, vegetable gardens, flowers), which compounds the problem.

The Solution:

My car has automatic windshield wipers. It senses the amount of water hitting the windshield and adjusts the speed of the wipers to match. So, I'm wondering, since it can sense water - why can't we have automatic window closers? It would sense water hitting the windshield when the car's parked with the motor off, and if the windows are open it would close them. It might work best if it were a switch you would throw on if you were worried about rain, so you don't accidentally cook the dog.
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3032 Results from BeliefNet.com, and a conspiracy theory

Monday, July 19, 2010

"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand."
-- Josh Billings --

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I took the test on BeliefNet.com that Becs had mentioned in a comment. The following is my results. Note that Pantheism isn't even in their database.

I've had results similar to these from other tests, but in every case, when I read the descriptions of the first four or five they've assigned to me, I am very annoyed, because it's nowhere near anything I'd lay claim to. This one in particular annoyed me because from the descriptions, they don't seem to have paid any attention whatsoever to my answers to the questions. How do they get 100% when my responses were diametrically opposed on most of the questions, and especially on those I marked as important?

So, No Becs, I suspect you are NOT leaning toward Unitarianism. Father Fatty can expect to see you for the near future, anyway.

1.	New Thought (100%)
2.	Neo-Pagan (95%)
3.	New Age (95%)
4.	Scientology (91%)
5.	Unitarian Universalism (90%)
6.	Liberal Quakers (83%)
7.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (81%)
8.	Mahayana Buddhism (78%)
9.	Reform Judaism (78%)
10.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (74%)
11.	Theravada Buddhism (66%)
12.	Sikhism (64%)
13.	Hinduism (64%)
14.	Secular Humanism (57%)
15.	Taoism (55%)
16.	Orthodox Quaker (51%)
17.	Jainism (44%)
18.	Baha'i Faith (40%)
19.	Orthodox Judaism (39%)
20.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (34%)
21.	Eastern Orthodox (23%)
22.	Islam (23%)
23.	Jehovah's Witness (23%)
24.	Roman Catholic (23%)
25.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (23%)
26.	Nontheist (20%)
27.	Seventh Day Adventist (10%)

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You like conspiracy theories? Try this one.

Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Guys getting killed and maimed. All volunteer army.

Who, besides the gung-ho, volunteers to go to war? Guys who can't get jobs.

When did the job market begin the crash? (Hint - before the bank/mortgage crisis and the Bush bailouts.) When the army was crying for recruits.

Why volunteer if you can get a good safe job?

I heard on the news that veterans were having great difficulty finding a job when they get home.

What is the natural thing to do when you've come home and can't find a job? Reenlist.

I'm willing to bet that the job market won't pick up until the wars have ended.
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3031 DMV

Monday, July 19, 2010

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other.
Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."
-- George W. Bush, Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003 --

(The US is not free. The President said so.)

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The Pennsylvania county where I went to high school (Sullivan) has only one traffic light in the entire county. Most of the county still has no, or only sporadic, or only one carrier, cell service.

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I saw a sad sight on the way to the tire repair shop this morning. There was a dead doe on the side of the road. About 15 feet further on was the tiny crumpled body of the fawn.

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Well, I have suspected that there has been dress size inflation. Right now I'm into a size 6 on the top and 8 on the bottom, but I know I'm larger than I was in my 30s or 40s, and I don't think I've ever worn a 6 before. Size 6 had always been too small in the bust ever since I first grew breasts. In my 20s I wore size 9 on the top, and size 10P or 12P on the bottom, and I was very trim then, no extra fat.

Today I found my favorite red rayon-linen blazer from the late 1980s early 1990s. It's a classic fit and style - still fashionable.
I want to wear it.
I can't button it.
There's a 2-inch gap all the way down the front.
It's a size 9P.

Which reminds me, it's been a very long time since I've seen odd numbered sizes. Do they still make them? The odd numbers always used to fit me better. They seemed to have higher waists.

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I went to the DMV today to renew registration on the Suzuki (Suzie) and reinstate registration on the van (Fred). I had let Fred's registration lapse last year because he couldn't pass inspection.

As expected, it was a hassle. Take a number. Wait.

The clerk checked all my papers and forms, issued Suzie's new sticker, but refused Fred's. She wouldn't accept Fred's current insurance card because it was four months old. It has to be less than 45 days old. I tried to tell them Fred had been continuously insured, but she didn't want to hear it. She checked all Fred's papers, declared them good, and suggested that I call my insurance company and have them fax a new card to the DMV.

So I did, and Travelers' cheerfully faxed a new card (same as the old card, just a new issue date on it).

Wait for someone to bring the fax out from the back. Take a number again. Wait some more.

New clerk. Scanned all the papers, forms, cards, declared it all good, asked for the plates. "What plates?" The plates on the van. "Why do you need the plates?" You need a new number. You have to turn in the old plates before you can get new ones. "Can't I keep the old number, the old plates?" No. If the registration had lapsed more than a year (it's 13.5 months for Fred) you have to get new plates.

I didn't bother to ask why. Them's the rules. Note that I am paying $102 for Suzie (old plates), and $165 for Fred (new plates), for two year's registration (the minimum), and I'm moving to NJ in a few months! No, I can't get a six-month registration. "Well, maybe you can get a refund for one year's worth when you reregister in NJ. It depends. You'll have to call or write to find out."

People watching while waiting. Note to elderly women wearing adult diapers - wear a skirt, not slacks, especially not pants with a tight crotch. The bulk of the diaper pushed to one side in the back made it look like you had a load in there.

The DMV charges for parking in their lot. Of the 10 counters, only three were open. The longer you make me wait, the more I have to pay for your parking. This does not make me a happy camper.

So, Fred is registered, has his new plates on, his new sticker on, the stem has been replaced in the flat tire and the tire's on, and he has new wiper blades but I haven't been able to figure out how to get the old ones off and the new ones on. If we have afternoon rain over the next few days, the Hunk will help me take it to the Captain's for the rest of the work needed, otherwise Thursday evening for sure. It has to be soon because now we have only 10 days to get it inspected. Rain because if it's not raining, the Hunk has jobs to do in the afternoons.

I used my biggest screwdriver to take the old plates off, and I haven't the faintest idea where it is now. Couldn't find it to put the new ones on. So I used my next biggest screwdriver to put the new ones on. Now I can't find that screwdriver, either. Both are outside somewhere, but I don't know where. There's no logical place I could have set them down that I haven't looked. Even a few illogical.

I don't understand.
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3030 The Foster Thing

Sunday, July 18, 2010

"The higher the buildings, the lower the morals."
-- Noel Coward --

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I looked David Foster Wallace up on the internet, and maybe that analysis, that my writing is in his style, was correct. His style included irony, long multi-clause sentences, extravagant asides and footnotes. He liked to break up the flow of the narrative without distracting from the goal.

Yeah, ok, the long multi-clause sentences certainly fits, and the asides. Sometimes I look at what I wrote, and think, "That should be three sentences", and I shrug and leave it, because that's the way I talk. And all the parenthetical asides, sometimes they embarrass me, but whatever is in the parentheses isn't really a part of the sentence, but needs to be there in that particular spot, so what else can I do?** Again, it's the way I talk. I do believe people should write they way they talk, unless they're after a particular other effect.

So there.

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** Ahah! Long multi-clause sentence!
Hmmm. I notice I also write multi-topic paragraphs.
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3029 Spiritual Label Discovery!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

"Fundamentalism isn't about religion, it's about power."
-- Salmon Rushdie --

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I have my own set of beliefs, that have come to me through revelation and observation. Being human, I have searched for years for a label I could use to describe it to others, since the full description is unwieldy - I needed sort of shorthand. People like labels.

I think I've finally found it. I am (sort of) a Pantheist, with overtones of Taoism. That doesn't mean I believe the same things as other Panthiests or Taoists, but it's close enough.

So there. A label.

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An observation: Morality does not come from religion. It comes from within oneself, a facet of one's personality.
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