“Red flags when you’re dating
don’t disappear after the wedding.”
So true. So very true.
I had a dream last night that was so scary I didn't want to go back to sleep.
I usually do crosswords in bed until fall asleep. I lie on my belly with the pillow under my lower chest, and a puzzle pulled from a newspaper on the bed in front of me. When I get bored enough, my eyes start closing, there are a few short periods of light mental drift away, and then I turn off the light, move the pillow up, and go right to sleep.
Last night I started to drift. Now, when this happens, I am fully aware I'm falling asleep, and if I dream during this time, I am aware I'm dreaming, know what I mean? I'm not fully asleep yet. So I started dreaming, and I knew it was a dream.
I was driving a light-colored car, a convertible with the top down. It was night, and I'd pulled into a parking lot for a low white windowless building. It was like at a camp, or something. The building was unadorned, the parking lot was dirt, and there were cars parked nose in on either side of the center, leaving a narrow space to drive through.
I drove into the lot and down the center of the lot, but couldn't find an open space. There was no room to turn around. When I got close to the building, I discovered that my brakes weren't working very well, and I almost ran into the building, stopping inches from it.
I started to back up, but my backup lights didn't seem to be working either, and I found I was getting a bit too close to the cars parked on my right, so I pulled forward and almost ran into the building again. I tried backing up again, this time trying to stay very close to the cars on my left. At least I could see them a bit better.
I was turned to the left, looking back, and had my left arm on the door sill. As I closely passed a parked black SUV, a side-view mirror on the back of the SUV (being a dream, it didn't have to make sense) hit my elbow pretty hard, so I moved the arm to the steering wheel.
At that instant, I felt a weight pressing on my forearms. I couldn't move them to steer. Then I felt a heavy weight on my thighs, and something preventing my moving my legs. It felt like hands pressing on me, someone or something above me pressing down and holding, but there was nothing there! Then it started pressing on my abdomen, like between me and the steering wheel, and the pressure on my legs was making the car go faster, in reverse. Then pressure on my chest, and I couldn't breathe. There was definitely something invisible there! I couldn't see it, but I could feel the weight, and I had a sense that it was a black cloud.
I woke up in a panting panic, still lying in doing-crosswords position, still holding the pencil, light still on, and I was really scared, even though during the whole dream I was fully aware I was dreaming. What was even scarier is that when I lucid dream, I am usually in control and can direct the dream to some extent. This time I had no control whatsoever. I was afraid to go back to sleep, because I absolutely didn't want to encounter that --- whatever it was --- again, even if it was "just" a dream.
It was about two hours before I relaxed enough to fall asleep.
One eventually thinks of the stories of incubi, but there was nothing even remotely sexual about this event.