5111 Unusually amusing video

Monday, September 4, 2017

This is funny.  It's just under 9 minutes long, but when it ends, you'll wish it had been longer.


.

5091 Oops!

Thursday, January 12, 2017

I didn't realize I hadn't been here since October.  Time passes when you're having chemo.

Ok, I'll be back pretty soon with updates.  In the meantime, enjoy this, Taking Fake Books on the Subway:


[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uywdkkEnTNc]
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5082 Breaking News!

Headline:

After Colonoscopy Reveals Brain Tumor, Donald Trump Drops from Race


It took a minute, then I cracked up.
.

3954 What it's like being married to a programmer

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Dear, could you go to the store for me?
Yeah, okay.  What do you need?
A loaf of bread.  Oh, and if they have brown eggs, get a dozen.

A half hour later, he returns with a dozen loaves of bread.
.

3835 Crack me up!

Friday, April 4, 2014

I just read this article (http://mashable.com/2014/04/04/drone-crashes-elementary-school/) about a military drone crash near Harrisburg, Pa.

The "and was then run over by a car" cracked me up.  I'm still giggling.
.

3833 I want one!

April 1, 2014

Apparently these automobile accessories have been around for at least 8 years, yet I had never heard of them.  They look very handy.

There are several commercials on Youtube.  This is a ten-minute compilation:


[If that doesn't work, go to YouTube and search for "trunk monkey".]
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3773 OMG! I am ... SO! ... DENSE!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years with time off for good behavior?

--New York State Senator James Donovan, speaking in support of capital punishment--

--------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.

I've been hearing that for nigh onto seventy decades,  and  today I discovered I never got it!

I always thought it was one of those "duh" things.  Like, "of course to get to the other side of the road, why does anyone cross the road, if you were expecting any different reason for crossing the road you were overthinking it, duh.  Gotcha."

Note I always mentally added the "of the road".  Which, you will note, is not in the original.  Is never in the original.  Which sort of indicates to me that everyone else in the world got it.  Except me.

It never occurred to me that it was ... a pun?  A double entendre? 

It never occurred to me that a chicken who attempts to cross a road is suicidal, and that "other" and "side" can be capitalized.

I know I tend to be much too literal, but for almost seventy years of chickens?

Am I alone here?  When did you "get it"?

[If you ever tell this joke to small children, for their sakes, please explain it to them.  Don't let them live in ignorance.]
.

3719 Some are more equal than others, or something....

Thursday, April 18, 2013

We should not write so that it is possible for the reader to understand us,

but so that it is impossible for him to misunderstand us.

-- Quintilian (Marcus Fabius Quintilianus), rhetorician (c. 35-100) --

---------------------------------------------------------------

There was a huge explosion at a Texas fertilizer plant last night, at about 8 pm.  Authorities predict between five and fifteen dead and more than 160 injured, but they're still pulling people out of wreckage, so those numbers could go much higher.  The ones they are sure died are firefighters and a police officer.  It's a small town, and a large part of the town was flattened by the blast, including a nursing home.  So far, it is believed to be a chemical accident.

I shall wait to see if there is a big national fund set up for the injured and families of the dead, the people who lost their homes and possessions.  I shall watch for biographies of victims.  I shall wait for the politicians and their speeches.  Will there be people praying all over the nation?

I shall wait for someone to explain how a hurricane or a bomb attack is more terrible than an accident.  It isn't to the people involved.

Story at http://entertainment.verizon.com/news/read.php?rip_id=%3CDA5NSA5G0%40news.ap.org%3E&ps=931&page=1.  (And what a slap that Verizon put this under "entertainment".)

------

Later:  I turned on the TV at noon to see if they had better info, and found the entire newscast was about a memorial service for Boston.  If I lived in that little Texas town, I'd feel very ... snubbed.

------------------------------

On Holy Thursday, before Easter, the Pope went to a youth detention center and washed the feet of young prisoners, both male and female.  The washing of feet by the pope, usually those of other priests, is a Holy Thursday tradition.  The washing of female feet most certainly is not, and many church traditionalists were horrified and angered.  Like spitting-mad.

Ok, ladies.  How does that make you feel?

------------------------------

I spent some time one late evening wandering around "Dumb Political Quotes"-type sites, and I discovered something odd.  Members of one party seem very prone to really ridiculous statements, while members of the other party sometimes says things that that pretty stupid.  The difference is that the first party is prone to declarations demonstrating a complete lack of knowledge and logic, while the other party just gets names wrong, or uses the wrong word or terms offensive to the audience.

 For example, we have these from Dan Quayle:

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit . . . Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

Not a simple slip of the lip. The first one is stunning, literally.

I could fill this page with Bush-isms of the same amazing quality. Palin, anyone?

When you look at stupid quotes from the other party, there's very little to be found, and those that exist are just things like calling a female reporter "Sweetie", or getting a town or person's name or a country's language wrong. Or trying out a German phrase and calling yourself a sweet roll.  Obama's worst stupid statement seems to be referring to the 58 states. That's not so hard to understand. His mind runs ahead of his mouth. He was probably thinking of the 48 contiguous states, so it came out 58 (actually, "57 and one more to go"). Big deal. A far cry from a Mars atmosphere, or the impossibility of pregnancy from rape.

Am I biased?  Well, I know I'm biased, but I mean is my bias coloring what I observed?  Or DOES one party tend to promote their most stupid people?

-----------------------------

I have discovered Susie Sampson and her Tea Party Report videos.  They're funny.  Susie, in the guise of a conservative reporter, comes off with some real zingers.  Try this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjshdQc5cjg&list=UU1J66cMCW46dOueINxNbFtw, or this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aRDaSPuGKE&list=UU1J66cMCW46dOueINxNbFtw.

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3715 Some of my oldest friends

Saturday, April 13, 2013

The internet didn’t originate any of the abhorrent behavior

you see on it. It just gave people an outlet for it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have no idea who gets credit for this.  I'm passing it on because it made me laugh.  Yup, I've got every one of them!

3707 Geography

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Friends should always tell you the truth.  But please don’t.

--  Loius C. K. --

---------------------------------------------

This had been forwarded by my sister. 
 

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet .

Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.

An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran ,
ruled by a pair of nuts.

-----------------------------------------------

BTW, if anyone forwards me stuff in an email, if it didn't originate with them, I click NO links, even if I recognize the website linked, because it's too easy to disguise the link.  If there's a video imbedded in the email, I won't play it unless I'm certain it's from youtube.com or vimeo.com, because nasty code can be downloaded  in videos. 

3667 Bits

Friday, November23, 2012

Not everyone who flies first class is first class.

-------------------------------------

[http://www.explosm.net/comics/2978/]

[http://www.facebook.com/PCSTcomics]

-------------------------------

If you need to take something to a Christmas buffet, this is pretty and edible.   Take two, one for each end.  (I have seen this done with a candle taper instead of a carrot, and you light the candle, but I wondered how safe that might be if it gets unbalanced.  Like if Joe eats all the pineapple first.)

 .

3608 Oh, good grief!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

“I’m not on Facebook” is the new “I don’t own a TV.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------

You must must must make yourself a pot of tea or coffee (or open a bottle of wine) and go to http://www.amazon.co.uk/BIC-For-Amber-Medium-Ballpoint/dp/B004FTGJUW, and read the product reviews at the bottom!  It's a riot.  Who says Brits are humorless?
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3600 Poor little things X 2

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted
was once eccentric.

--  Bertrand Russell  --

---------------------------------------------------

Today's "Sunday Morning" wasn't all people selling something and seeking attention. It was actually pretty good.   Think they heard me?

-------------------------------

The following video turned up by chance.  I figured it was one of those waste-of-time isn't-my-pet-wonderful things.  I watched the first few seconds and couldn't stop.  That poor hamster.  He just can't get the idea of the wheel.  It's hilarious.  I rarely laugh out loud at videos, but I did at this one, at about 1:40.  (Don't skip ahead to 1:40 - you kind of need the buildup.)

Poor little guy.  I know people like that.  I think it's at a pet shop, and you just want to pick him up and hug him and tell him "It's ok, I'll take you home and love you anyway even if you are stupid. I'll protect you from the world."  (Hmmmm.  Maybe he's not so stupid after all.  Maybe that's his PLAN!)

[http://youtu.be/1S1VhAF5lao]

--------------------------------

Old folks' memories.
I've been idly looking for moth balls to drop down the chipmunk holes to get them to move out before filling the holes.  They aren't easy to find.  Looking for them reminded me of something from my childhood.

In my youth, off-season clothes were always stored away in mothballs.  Almost every late spring, someone would set up a lawn sprinkler or suggest a trip to the lake, and every late spring, as if we couldn't remember the year before, we'd pester Mom to get our bathing suits out of storage.

How many folks remember putting a bathing suit on straight out of the moth balls?  Remember what happened?
 .

3583 Sharing

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Jay, during our very wet trip to England in 1995:

"The reason the Brits never had a space program is that they've never seen the sky."

---------------------------------------------------------------

This little French film is amazing.  Don't worry about the length.  The last third is credits.  I found it on Roba's blog, "And Far Away" (link over there on the right).  To quote Roba, "This French short film, Le Miroir (The Mirror) manages to tug at the heart strings. Directed by Ramon and Pedro, it takes you through the entire life of a boy in that bathroom mirror."

[http://vimeo.com/45135870]

----------------------------------

Anybody looking for a way to make some money? Take a look at this woman's stuff on Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/104322901/magic-shoes?ref=sr_gallery_9&ga_search_query=magic+shoes&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_search_type=all.

The shoes at the link were featured on Regretsy.com. You supply a pair of shoes, and for a mere $2850.00 she'll cover them (badly, sloppily, look at the photos) with duct tape for you. (If the link to the shoes is dead, her shop is at http://www.etsy.com/shop/LindsayRickman?ref=pr_shop_more.)

I wandered around her shop, and she has some very, um, interesting, um, stuff for pipe dream prices.  On the other hand, may as well try.  You can always drop the price if nothing sells.

I wonder if she ever actually sells anything? On the other hand, there are people who will find her work truly interesting, and will pay for a unique piece of art. It's probably a small niche, but then again, there are people who will happily plant 30 pink flamingos in their yard.

But really, I figure she should at least learn to sew....

----------------------------------

Speaking of sewing, I had mentioned a simple little dress that Nugget wore one day.  I figured I could easily copy it.  The (blurry) photos below are of my learning piece.  I found out that the armholes needed to be a little deeper than my tracing showed (I had to deepen them by hand), and it could be a bit shorter.  Also, I need a sewing machine that does buttonholes.  (Until I get a one-o'-them I'm going back to bound buttonholes.  They're easier and they always look good.)


It's reversible to pink seersucker.  The next version will not be reversible (makes it unnecessarily complicated), and will have embroidery or appliques.
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3549 More Billly Blob

Thursday, June 14, 2012

You’re not as awful nor as brilliant as you think you are nor in the ways you think you are.

----------------------------------------------------------

Back in 2007 I discovered Billy Blob.  Very strange cartoon videos.  I was reading over old posts from back then, followed a link in an old post, and discovered a new video since then.



[http://youtu.be/zJYKIN480rA, also at http://billyblob.com/cartoons/we-are-science-probes.html]
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3548 Favorite Christmas Carols of the Cracked

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way.  If you don't want to, you'll find an excuse.

---------------------------------------------------------------

[Note for strangers searching for carols - "3548" is the sequence number for this post, not the number of carols.]

Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia - I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees ...

Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

Pyromania - Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, How Beautifully You're Burning

Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent night, Holy ooooo look at the pretty, can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells...

Asperger Syndrome - Huh? Carol who?
.

3501 Habits

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

One of the saddest things to happen was the optioning of morality by religion.

---------------------------------------------------

This is SO useful! (From www.xkcd.com - go there. They're fun.)

-------------------------------

I've mentioned before that I don't form habits easily. I don't have a set sequence in the morning, for example, not even when I was working. Without habits and routines, we can easily forget important things. Like, sometimes before I leave the house, I have to feel my toothbrush to know whether I'd brushed my teeth yet. I have to keep careful notes as to whether bills have been paid, since I don't have a set time or routine for paying them.

Jay was very bound by habit. He'd actually get anxious if a set habitual routine was disrupted.

I do have a few habits:

• I always always turn off the stove burner before lifting a pot off the burner. It's such an ingrained habit that I don't even think about it when I do it.
• I often fall asleep with a pencil in my hand. When I wake up in the morning, the pencil will be tightly gripped in my fist. When I fell asleep, the pencil would have been in writing position, so at some point I had to have shifted it to a fist grip.
• I never lock any door - house, car, hotel room - with an empty hand. If I don't have something in that hand, I literally can't lock the door. What's supposed to be in the hand is of course the key, so I can't lock myself out, but occasionally it happens to be the WRONG key, or not even a key. Oops. I don't seem to have added "check that's it's a key, and the right key" to the habit.
• Because I don't seem to have routines, I depend on To Do lists. An unfortunate habit is that if there's something on that list of very high priority that I don't feel like doing, nothing else on the list gets done, either! I wish I could train me to do something else. I think I'm untrainable. Wild feral me.

Do you live by habits? Do you have any odd ones?
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3458 Life

Monday, February 6, 2012

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
-- Maori proverb --

--------------------------------------------

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

*The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God, again saw it was good.*

*On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.*

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You asked for it.."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

--------------------------------

(Note: I've had dogs who made it to twenty.)
.

3454 Jasper says "Curtains are stupid!"

Thursday, February 2, 2012

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
-- Steven Wright --

--------------------------------------------------------

It got up to 67 degrees yesterday afternoon, and sunny. I put Hal's top down, and it was very nice. The groundhog says six more weeks of winter, but this winter I don't mind.

-------------------------------

I didn't get around to changing the batteries in the smoke detector yesterday, partly because as the morning went on, the chirps got weaker and farther apart, and finally stopped, so I forgot about it. Now I'm wondering why it stopped. It's wired into the house, so why wouldn't it continue chirping? And if it's on house power, why would the battery run down anyway? Isn't it just for backup? Shouldn't it last as long as the backup batteries in clock radios?

--------------------------------

I don't understand why soccer fans seem to be so fond of deadly riots. From ABC News, about yesterday's riot:

A narrow stadium exit turned into a death trap. Crowds of Egyptian soccer fans fleeing supporters of the opposing team armed with knives, clubs and stones rushed into the corridor, only to be crushed against a locked gate, their rivals attacking from behind, survivors and witnesses said.

The result was the world's worst soccer violence in 15 years, with 74 people crushed, suffocated or stabbed to death.

Huh? I just don't get it.

Most of the news articles talk about how the police "allowed" it to happen because they don't like the restraints they're under since the fall of Mubarak. They are not so powerful any more, so this is seen as "teaching the people a lesson", that police repression is needed. And so on, blah blah.

But nobody has addressed the reason soccer fans seem so prone to violence - whether they win or lose. They shouldn't NEED repressive police to keep fans from killing each other. What about THAT!

--------------------------------

I love this, from "Friends of Irony":
I hope the kitty was stopped before he overdosed.
.

3442 Mousies?

Monday, January 9, 2012

"An education isn't how much you have committed to memory,
or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between
what you do know and what you don't."
-- Anatole France --

------------------------------------------------------

I found the above whilst wandering around the ether. Both sites credited where they got them, and I followed the links, and followed the next crediting link, and the next, and so on, so deep that I gave up. Tineye will give me a list of all the places they appear, but again, where's the original source? The moral: if you originate something, watermark it across the middle. Otherwise you'll lose it to the world. Also, if when everybody copied something they credited the originator instead of the last place they found it, then that link would travel with the item and always be known.

It seems so simple....

--------------------------------

This is Tim Wise, and "The Pathology of White Privilege". It's an hour long, but well worth the time. Bookmark it or something, and then the next time you're thinking about watching a movie, or turning the radio on, listen to this instead. Yeah, listen. There are no visuals beyond him talking, so you can listen while your hands and eyes are busy with something else. He starts out with race, but it expands to our relationship with the rest of the world.


[http://youtu.be/Y2mjvFNOwmc]

-------------------------------

I bought Jasper an undercover mouse. He's very timid, so I left it on the floor without turning it on for a few days so he'd get used to it. When I did turn it on, he was fascinated by it. He crouched 18 inches from it and stared at it, eyes big, ears up, tail twitching.

And that's pretty much it. Eighteen inches, and watches it.

At the old house, we got field mice, and I could tell when one was in the house because Jasper would be "on point", staring under a bookcase or behind a door. I'd say, "Mousie, Jasper?", and he'd always look up and answer "Mew mew!" A different meow from the many voices he has for specific situations.

When he was staring at the undercover mouse, I said, "Mousie, Jasper? Get the mousie!" He looked up and said "Mew mew!" Several times.

So I'm pretty sure he knows what the rig is for, but I think because it makes a whirring noise, he's just too timid to go after it.

Lasers don't make noise.
.