Ask Jesus about torture.
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The TV is predicting a "Major Winter Event!!!" Oh wow! Batten down the hatches! Load up on gasoline and pantry staples!
Um, turns out we're expecting 1 to 3 inches of snow, and a very cold weekend. It might actually get below freezing, at night. Daytime will be in the low to mid 40s.
OMG, we're all going to die!
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Norovirus is closing schools and colleges in the area. It's highly contagious and I really really don't want it. I'm blood type O, and the few times I've had it in the past (about 18 hours of Hell) I really didn't care if I died.
If you get it, fill a jug with water, and take it and a straw, and a pillow and a blanket and a soft pad to lie on into the bathroom, and settle down. You have to keep drinking water. Dehydration is the greatest danger. (If you get Noro, you'll know why.) And why do you need the jug if you're in the bathroom, where there are faucets? Because you won't be able to stand up long enough to get to the faucet.
When you feel better, clean all surfaces you touched with bleach - not alcohol - alcohol doesn't kill it - and avoid people for three days after, because you will still be contagious.
And don't come anywhere near me!
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