Thursday, August 29, 2013

3761 Spiders

Thursday, August 28, 2013

Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
--P.J. O'Rourke--


There are spider webs at the top of the wall where it joins the ceiling over the sliding glass doors.   They ride the door frame to get in, I guess.  It looks awful. 

I have two upright vacuum cleaners, one upstairs and one downstairs, and the hoses of neither will reach that high, which freaks me out because all my life I had used canister vacuums, which you can lift, and which seem to have longer hoses anyway, but when I last went vacuum shopping, ALL I COULD FIND WAS UPRIGHTS, WHICH I HATE BECAUSE THEY ARE CONSTANTLY HEAVY ON MY ARMS WHEN I RUN THEM.   It's like pushing a chair around.  HATE HATE HATE!  Do those things have ANY redeeming qualities?

I hate to use a wrapped stick or broom to go after webs, because that leaves web smears that are almost impossible to get.  I have the little battery-operated electric broom vacuum, and I was able to stand on a stepladder and run that around, but it didn't get into the angle very well, and worse, the wheels marked the wall.

So I stand there and swear at the spiders and try to convince myself that they're good, because they'll eat the clothes moths and the ants.  Except that there are no moths, and ants don't go that high.  Sigh.

Last evening I opened the slider, and a small, round, chubby, black spider dropped off the frame onto the floor.  She ran back and forth on the floor along the edge of the doorframe.  I tried to use my toe to herd her over the lip and back outside, but that didn't work.  So I got a piece of paper, intending to slide it under her, maybe, and flip her out.

The instant the paper touched her, she exploded!

Seriously.  Literally.

Hundreds, thousands, millions, billions, I didn't count, but jillions of tiny black dots burst off her and scattered in every direction.  They were fast, and tiny, not much larger than the period at the end of this sentence.

I teleported myself across the room.

She was carrying her babies on her body.  Some spiders do that.

By the time I had the courage to go back over there, she and the babies had disappeared.

So, what now?  How do you handle cobwebs?  (Actually, it's not cobwebs.  Cobwebs are ethereal, made by cellar spiders or house spiders, those almost transparent white spiders.  These spiders are outside beasts who build real webs, tough ones.  Big ones.  Webs with houses to hide in.)