[This made the rounds of Mensa local group newsletters a decade or so ago. I found it by accident this afternoon.]
27 Reasons to Have a Pet Mensan
by Georg3 Smil3y
1. You can take it to parties and win at Trivial Pursuit.
2. It can explain Saturday morning cartoons to you.
3. It makes a great doorstop.
4. It will never be depressed or sulk, unless it feels like it.
5. If you have bad taste, it has bad jokes.
6. If you have good taste, it can be muzzled.
7. It can always find a party on Friday nights.
8. If you've done something naughty, it will always be interested.
9. It won't drink your liquor — unless you're not looking.
10. It won't shed if you shave it regularly.
11. It can insult bullies for you in an intellectual manner.
12. It can get the intellectual snot beat out of it by bullies.
13. It will answer to its name if you give it a yummy.
14. It can put all your personal records onto a floppy disk — then erase it.
15. It is clean, unless there's something dirty around.
16. It can sit, roll over, and play dead (once again, a yummy is required).
17. It knows more sleazy places than a two-dollar hooker.
18. It will always do what you want it to, unless it doesn't want to do it.
19. It can gossip for hours on end about people present, with a twinkle in its eye.
20. With enough yummies, it may be possible to train it not to tell puns. (Note: complex tricks such as this may require several boxes of yummies.)
21. It can draw a map on a cocktail napkin that can have you lost in less than five minutes.
22. If you spill your drink, it can lap it right up.
23. It can find a use for a Ginsu steak knife besides slicing open beer cans.
24. It can draw intelligent stick figures on your wall with crayons.
25. It's easy to amuse — just give it a problem with no answer and leave it alone.
26. It can do your taxes — maybe not right, but it can do them.
27. It can help you write nasty letters to people and editors using big words..
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