1853 Annoying Call, Annoying Law

Friday, June 13, 2008

Every morning for the past two weeks, about an hour before I intended to wake up, my phone rang. I'd rouse and look at the screen to see who it was. It said "Donor Care Center". Not an emergency, they can leave a message, so I'd roll over and attempt, usually unsuccessfully, to go back to sleep. They never left a message. My anger grew.

This afternoon the phone rang, and it said "Donor Care Center" on the screen. Wow. I'd finally find out who these idiots are.

I wish I hadn't answered, and I never will again.

It was that charity that I have in the past supported with donations. Their favorite way to canvass used to be to get someone to volunteer to go door to door in the neighborhood. I think their idea is that when it's a neighbor asking you for a donation, you'd be embarrassed not to donate.

In my experience, it doesn't work.

I canvassed on foot, yearly, door to door, in my St. Louis neighborhood 26 through 29 years ago, partly because my daughter had been born with a congenital heart defect, and this charity had helped with transportation.

I'd see curtains move. But no one would open the door. The word spread around by telephone, so people could pretend to not be home, or in the shower. You could hear kids being shushed behind the closed door. I know the calls were made because when I got home, Ex#2 would tell me that a neighbor had called our house to warn us, "...pass it on."

About 25 years ago, they changed tactics, and now they get a volunteer to mail notes and envelopes to the neighbors, who then send the donation back to the volunteer. They send the volunteer a packet, with names and addresses of neighbors, informational inserts, envelopes to send requests to the neighbors, and blue envelopes in which the donations were to be returned to the volunteer. Since the volunteer would be receiving the checks, again, I guess there was a element of embarrassment-type coercion.

Throughout the '80s and '90s, I did that about every second or third year, through three different moves and neighborhoods. In all of that time, I received ONE return envelope containing a donation. One. Apparently, my neighbors are impervious to embarrassment. Well, somewhat impervious. They avoided my eyes for a month afterward.

When Jay got sick I didn't do it, and the charity eventually stopped calling. I haven't received any blue envelopes from any other neighbors, either.

Well, that's who "Donor Care Center" was. They were looking for someone to do the mailing for my neighborhood. I tried to politely refuse, I tried to tell the woman that I found it too emotionally draining, and the second she realized I was saying "no", she started screaming at me, and I'm not exaggerating here, "THIS IS TO SAVE DYING BABIES! BABIES ARE DYING! YOU DON'T WANT TO SAVE BABIES? YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP DYING BABIES? YOU WOULD LET TINY BABIES DIE?"

I couldn't get a word in edgewise. When she finally paused, probably to hear me admit I didn't give a flying damn about dying babies, I said, "Good Grief woman! Get a grip!" She started screaming at me again, and I hung up on her.

I'm not going to answer if I get any other "Donor Care Center" calls. That woman needs help, and it literally scares me that she has my phone number, and probably my address.

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A city north of here has passed a law against smoking in any of the city parks, "to protect the children from secondhand smoke." It will be strongly enforced near playgrounds and picnic areas, but they admit it would be difficult to enforce on hiking trails.

Bull poopy! This is outside!

It's not to protect children. They like to pretend it is, but it isn't. If that were their real purpose, they would not allow automobile and truck traffic near parks or schools, and absolutely no idling school buses.

And pull the soda and candy machines out of the schools.

Sheesh.
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