1413 Good News, I Hope

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Got an email from Sister this afternoon.

Our youngest brother has been "lost" for years. We didn't know where he was, even whether he was alive or dead. When last seen, he wasn't healthy, living was precarious.

Sister (in Florida) says she was in a bar with a group of people and a man came over and asked if a stool was taken. It was. She thought he looked familiar, so later she went over to him and introduced herself. It was Youngest Brother. He hadn't recognized her, which is interesting because she has changed very little.

I gather it was an emotional reunion. He said he's got control of his life now, a car, a job. Sister says he's supposed to visit her home this evening.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm happy that he seems to be back on track. On the other hand, deep down in the protective part, I'm thinking I don't want to find him and lose him all over again. I don't know how to react to him. Sometimes letting go is easier than holding on.

He was born when I was 15. Mom had a lot of difficulty with the birth, and he came home from the hospital several months before she did. Even after she came home, she was unable to care for him, so through his infancy and much of his toddlerhood, he was essentially my baby.

It was the effort to protect him that had me twice planning to kill my father.

It was realizing that I would go to those lengths to protect him, but our mother made no effort to protect us, that lead to my breakthrough.

And then he grew up, and things happened, choices were made, and there was nothing I could do. I couldn't protect or help him any more.

Sometimes letting go is easier than holding on.
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