2311 I think I've hurt me, Part 1.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Twice. Once by doing something stupid last night, and once by doing too much today.

Part 1 -Last Night

Some time ago, in conversation with a friend about online dating sites, I mentioned that my experience from a few years ago turned up very few men within 50 miles of my home. They just aren't there. She said that I should check out blahblah.com, that they had oodles of local men. I thought I knew all the sites. I'd never heard of that one.

Now, since the medical scare, and a reevaluation of my current relationship, as satisfying as it is when I see him, I don't think it's likely to be "going anywhere", I'm beginning to think that as strong as the feelings may be on either side (I really do adore him, and I believe him when he says he loves me), it's probably just a casual thing, and darn it I want more, but I'm not going to find more unless I look, and all those other crazy thoughts I reject as soon as I think them, oh go away crazy lady - well, I've been thinking about getting "out there" just to see what's possible. I mean, I don't have to DO anything, right? Just window shop. Shake the bush and see what falls out.

So I went to blahblah.com and started a search. Naturally, you can't search until you register (free). And you can't register until you fill out a profile. And they must have some good text checking software, because they won't let you set up a dummy profile full of nonsense.

Ok, so maybe I should have made me sound crazy. I didn't. I made it real (except that for the first time ever, I lied about my age). And I did say I was just window shopping. I hit "Save", and within twenty seconds I had five winks, and three emails. And an invitation to chat.

I never chatted before. I was intrigued. Besides, the guy used to work for The Company. Maybe I already know him. We chatted a bit, and he sent me a photo (nice looking, don't know him), and ...

... I have a lunch date with him tomorow.

Oh crap. In the light of day I now want to cancel. I can't with good conscience do that. I'm going to have to go. I don't know what will happen, what I'll say. Maybe I'll just tell him about The Man, but then I'll come off as a royal ... um ... something-er-other. One of those people who jerks people around for their own amusement.

This is not cool. I think I hurt me. Worse, if you know what to give Google, it turns up the profile. Agh! Sometimes I don't understand ME!

Oh, and the friend was right - I did search, and there were about 80 guys on there within 50 miles. Amazing.

My profile is now "invisible".
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