Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Back in September of 2004, I wrote an entry complaining about people who claimed they "Can't Afford to Get Married", those couples who have been together six years and have two or three kids and still refer to themselves as "engaged".
The past month or so, several bloggers who will be brides or bridesmails in the next month or so have been writing about their trials and tribulations. My attitude is, as it has always been, "Elope! Have done with it!"
Well, Daughter and Hercules have been wrestling with the issue. Left to themselves, if there were no other people to consider, they'd just elope for real. Even with other people to consider, I suspect Daughter would be just as happy to get married at the courthouse on a lunch hour. They're both over 30, they should be able to do what they want.
But, Hercules' family is more, um, sensitive, I guess. Daughter has been getting all kinds of pressure from all sides to "do this", "do that", "invite xxx", "The date is inconvenient for me, could you please change your date?" (Yes, that's for real.) Things are complicated by the fact that some family members cannot be in the same room with other family members, so the ceremony and the reception will be at separate dates, with separate attendees.
I have tried to support Daughter in everything she wants to do, think, feel, or say, without getting in her way or trying to tell her what she "should" do. The farthest I will go on advice is to offer ways she might be able to express her own needs without offending others, but we all know I'm not very good at that anyway.
In today's telephone call, I offered two suggestions: 1.) don't get married, or 2.) sneak off to a judge with two witnesses who are sworn to secrecy, and just don't tell anyone you got married. Nobody's feelings will get hurt, they'll all die off eventually anyway, and then you can come clean.
Oh, this will please some of you - she has bought her dress. For less than $35. Good girl!!
1 comment:
I have been going through the same thing with my friend "K". K's family is cool with everything. It's her fiance's mother that's making all sorts of unreasonable demands. They've been together for 7 years and the MIL2b won't lay off. It's like the wedding is all about HER. It's THEIR wedding and the fiance is so scared of his mother's wrath that he is caving in to everything she demands. I'd not marry this man who is more fearful of his mother than in love with his fiance. But "K" isn't me...
K's fiance's sister eloped because of the mother's interference, and the mother STILL won't stop going on and on and on about it. So, K's fiance just wants to do everything to please his mother because he doesn't want to hear it. I say, tell the family to bugger off! It's not about them, it's about the couple getting married!!!!! I can't stand mothers who think they can control the lives of their fully grown children. Shoot me if I get that way.
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