3482 My Gay Confusion

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
-- Henry Kissinger --

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I sort of understand men who prefer men. I suspect there are a lot of different causes, from gender misassignment at birth, through genetic brain and hormonal cross-wiring, to early emotional trauma or conditioning. Lots of different causes.

"Acting female" is mostly social conditioning. Yes, most little girls are less aggressive, more empathetic, and a bit quieter than most little boys (with a wide range and lots of overlap). There are differences due to wiring. But those differences don't include floppy wrists and whining. Most of the superficial differences between men and women are due to social conditioning and expectations.

Here's the part I don't understand: Why do some gays act in a way that even women find silly? I don't understand gay guys who out-fem women. You know, the floppy wrists and high voice and rolling eyes and frilly clothes. And the bitchiness and shallowness of the worst female cliches. It's an insult to all women that those guys think that's what defines a woman, and an insult to all men if they think that's what men find attractive.

I don't get it at all. It doesn't make any sense to me.

If I were a gay male and wasn't interested in sex change surgery, then it seems like I would want another gay male. But another gay male is likely to be attracted to a male, not a female. So why would I want to act like a female, and an ultra-female cliche' at that? Why would I act like a ten-year-old girl playing movie star, or like a Vegas stripper? And why would another guy who prefers men want a fake woman, and a bad fake at that?

I don't understand. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Maybe I'm projecting my own preference. I like men. And I like my man to be bigger, smarter, faster, and more aggressive than I (and that's not easy). So maybe I think anyone who wants a man would want that, too, at least to some degree.

I know a few gay male couples (and several singles), and of all the couples I know, and all of those I've seen in the grocery store (there were a LOT in the mid-Hudson valley), none of them were floppy-wrist types, and none were likely to parade in feathers and spike heels. They seemed quite happy to be male. They just happened to be attracted to other males. (Note that in the couples, one is usually "softer" than the other, but not so much so that women didn't find him attractive.)

Sigh. Ok, writing about something makes me think, and I've thought about it for the duration of a post, and I still don't get it.
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