3036 Confidentially

Saturday, July 24, 2010

"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity."
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe --

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The Man. I haven't seen him in weeks. I know he is going through some emotional and financial stress right now, and he has overtones of Aspie which could explain his withdrawal, but that doesn't make it any easier. It could be easy for me to be very depressed about it, easy to feel like I'm just not good enough, that I mishandled something or something, easy to feel rejected, but that's not happening, because, wonder of all wonders, suddenly male admirers are crawling out of the woodwork.

I guess I must be looking pretty good these days. For a while there I thought it was Hal turning heads, but last evening a complete stranger walked up to me in the deli and said, "I just have to tell you, you have beautiful hair." And that was after I'd been rained on and dried fuzzy. Stuff like that keeps happening.

I think it's probably a circle. The attention I've been getting is making me brighten up, giving me confidence and a spring in my step, and brightening up draws attention, which brightens me up some more. Even if it was Hal that started it, it's gone beyond Hal. Whatever. I like it. I'm smiling a lot more lately. Which draws more attention.

Unfortunately, the admirers I could have I don't want, and the one I want I can't have.

I can live with that if I have to.

And The Man? Well, I both want and don't want him. I don't know how to feel about him. He confuses me. I guess that's part of his attraction and repulsion. He's a gentlemanly bad boy. I fall madly in love with him every time I see him, there's so much to admire about him, the sexual chemistry is explosive, but after a few weeks without him, it seems to wear off.

And damn it, I'm the best thing that ever happened to him! He won't realize what he had until I've wandered away. I warned him even before the first unchaperoned date that the only way I could be considered high maintenance is that I require a lot of attention, the only thing I ask for is time. He can't say he hadn't been warned.

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This woman has a point. I think I'll start taking my own reusable "doggie" containers to dinners.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72Z2wmgLiTc&feature=player_embedded#!]

I make very little garbage/trash. I put the garbage out for pickup maybe once every 4 to 6 weeks. Most of my garbage is plastic or paper that the recycle center won't accept, and I can't easily avoid, like take-out containers, the plastic boxes fresh baby spinach comes in, yogurt and cottage cheese containers, poise pads, waxed paper, old CDs, that kind of stuff. On the other hand, I take huge loads of stuff to the recycle center. Sometimes I wonder how much of the recyclables is recycled into something that is again recyclable. I suppose it all eventually becomes trash.
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