2307 Sigh.

Friday, March 13, 2009

With The Man yesterday into this morning. Things had been happening over the past month, it had been four weeks since I'd seen him last, during which time he had canceled two proposed dates, and, as usual I didn't find out why until it was over. Yeah, ok, it was big, and yeah, ok, he did have to put in that much overtime, and yeah, ok, he is going to reap major benefits from the effort. I can see it, understand it, and agree with it now. But during the dry times, weeks when we are two hours apart but somehow can't get it together, when he can't tell me what's going on, I don't think he realizes how very upset I get. How I begin to wonder why I'm wasting time on him. How I think about how I'm not getting what I need, want, and deserve from this ... this ... whatever it is.

And then I see him again, and I fall in love with him all over again. I love his face. I love his mind. I love his body. I love his strong protectiveness and his boyish enthusiasm. I love his nerdy cluelessness. I forgive his tenuous grasp of time passing.

This cycle has been going on for two years as of last weekend. Two years of being alternately passionately pissed and passionately in love. I adore him when I'm with him, and I'm angry with him when I'm not.

There's something wrong with that.

Chemistry is a sadistic bitch.
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