1927 Addiction

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I am addicted to reading blogs. I spend entirely too much time reading other people's thoughts, and I keep finding more, and, once introduced, I can't seem to drop any of them off the Bloglines list.

I'm going to have to do something. It's to the point now where I accomplish nothing but the absolute necessities of life offline. I tried limiting myself to two hours a day, and it's not working. I just plain enjoy it too much.

Through blogs, I "meet" people I would never meet in real life. It's extremely unlikely I would ever get to know a stripper well enough to know how she thinks and feels about all kinds of things. Or "hear" the personal reactions of a journalist traveling through war zones. Or the agonies of a depressed gay mid-western cartoonist. Everyone is fascinating when they open up and get honest. So many people can be so very perceptive.

They give me so much to think about, and I do like thinking about things.

There's the woman who told the story of a past relationship, that she knew it was not good, unsatisfying, that it wasn't going anywhere, and yet she stuck with it for entirely too long because the sex was phenomenal. She wonders if it was precisely that she didn't really care for him that made it so easy to be completely free and uninhibited.

I had to wonder if there were some aspects of that going on with me (although I do have strong positive feelings for him). But I have to wonder how much of my current fascination is fueled by phenomenal sex? If I were not getting such a huge payoff, would I still hang in there through all the frustration?

A secondary thought this kicked off - the question of when to bring sex into a relationship. Some people advocate waiting a long time, until you really get to know the person, because if it turns out it really couldn't work on a personal and emotional basis, then you don't want to sleep with him, period. Others advocate early sex, because if you are incompatible sexually, why risk getting emotionally involved?

In theory, I prefer the first, since if you have an emotional connection, then the sex can be worked out on the fly. On the other hand, I've never known bad sex to ever improve, I have enough experience to say that, and that argues for the second. Quality, by the way, seems to have little to do with skill of either party. It has everything to do with the combination of people.

And there are women who muse about the attraction of "Bad Boys". Again, I wondered how much of that applies to me, right now. There have been a few truly bad boys in my youth, and most of them didn't last long because they were uncomplicated, just plain bad, easy to figure out. They were difficult to respect. The current Bad Boy is extremely complicated. The "bad" seems like a veneer, a challenge to break through. There's a lot to admire underneath. I'm old enough and experienced enough to know that I can't change him, so how long will it be before I lose patience with the bad? Will I ever? And will I be sad that I wasted so much time when I should have known better?

It's maddening and fascinating, and feeds the addiction.

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I got a phone call this morning from the guy who stored his Harley in my basement a few weeks ago. He asked if I'd be home this afternoon, because "something will be delivered" and he hoped I'd be home to receive it. He hopes I enjoy it. Interesting.
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