1813 Meeting Men

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I'm not looking for a man right now, thank goodness, but I'm aware of another young lady who is, and there doesn't seem to be anyone available and suitable among her immediate acquaintances. She asked how one goes about meeting guys.

I've been thinking about it. That's a hard one.

A year and a half ago when I wanted to meet men, lots of people had lots of suggestions, none of which were very helpful.

Internet dating.
Suitable. Suitable is a requirement. I met lots of men, but none of them were suitable. Maybe with exactly the right profile, and maybe with "winking" at every guy who seemed sane, maybe eventually it would have worked (Daughter met Hercules through Cupid.com), but I think the field is much more fertile for younger people than for my age group. Some of the guys I met were very emotionally damaged, and very desperate.

Church activities.
I'm sure that one might meet some very nice guys at church activities, but do I want a guy who's big on church activities? Uh, no, not especially.

Sierra Club, and Mohonk "singles' hikes", ski club, etc.
I'm sure one would meet healthy guys there, but do I want a guy who's seriously into hiking or skiing? Uh, no. Walking in the woods, yes. Hiking, no. Skiing, hell no. Besides, on the few singles hikes I went on, the only single guys were with dates.

Volunteering, Habitat for Humanity, etc.
I had high hopes for that one, especially Habitat. A guy big on volunteerism would be fine, and liking working with his hands is nice. Unfortunately, most of the people I've met through volunteering have been female. The few single males were downright nasty or decrepit.

Bars.
Single men my age don't go to bars alone unless they're alcoholics.

Folk dancing groups.
Probably lively men, but unlikely to be single, unless they're REALLY into folk dancing, and, uh, I'm not all that sure about a man my age who's really into folk dancing.

Ballroom dancing class.
Yeah, sure. The only men there were dragged in by women, and there were more women than men.

Community parties and small business networking.
This was one of the more likely areas. There were some suitable single men, and there were some possibilities there. But the competition was fierce and potentially vicious.

And so on.

I've concluded that you can't look at it as finding where there might be men in general. You have to first define what a suitable man is like, and where he's likely to be, and then go there.

A man I'd likely find suitable is unlikely to be a hiker, or skier, or dancer, or churchy guy, so there's no point in my looking there.

I'd need to join the local computer club. I find the topics boring, I wouldn't be there for myself, but it's more likely to have suitable single men.

About 1 in 100 men in Mensa are likely to be suitable, and luckily, I met one. Very lucky, in fact, since that was the first and only gathering he'd ever attended, and having attended a second with me, he swears he'll never go to another. So, there are suitable Mensa men, but they're rarely found through Mensa (Catch 22).

In conclusion, it's just like hunting. Standing around in a field is accepting any skunk or possum that comes along. If you're after big game, define your prey, figure out where it's likely to be found, then go there.

Don't forget to bait your trap.
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