Friday, October 20, 2006
Catching up. Wednesday I went to the maritime museum and visited the Amistad. One of the crew members made a pretty strong pass. I deflected it. Last evening was the Third Thursday dinner. There were four of us - me, Roman, First Woman, and Super-Ditz. It was very enjoyable, some good and funny conversation.
After Super-Ditz left I'm afraid the three of us remaining made fun of her - not something I like to do, but , oh, she's SUCH a ditz it's irresistible. First Woman speculated that maybe she "puts on" the ditziness, but after considering that a while, we decided no, the woman is, well, I'm being nice calling her ditzy. She actually seems more just plain stupid.
She says things and holds opinions that when you hear them, you laugh, thinking she's making a joke. Then you realize she's serious. For example, she doesn't understand why we haven't nuked Iraq, and it's useless to attempt to explain to her why that's a very bad idea , because she hasn't the vaguest idea what's going on there or why. Her thinking is linear: war - nuke - end of war - what's the problem? She votes. That's scary. And yes, she's a Mensan. That's scarier.
After dinner Roman and I wandered around the mall a bit. At the cars we hugged, and I really didn't want to let go (I think he was holding on, too, he was stroking my hair), and he was about to kiss me, when I decided it was more than time to define the bounds of a friendship. I told him how I felt about him, BUT that there would be no more physical intimacy because I refuse to put myself into that position again. I just can't do that any more. Of course, there were a lot more words wrapped around it. We need to get past being uncomfortable. We need rules. Boundaries.
And I felt ok driving home.
Today I had lunch with Piper. He has embarked on a major weight loss and body building program. He's starting to look a lot better. I hope it has nothing to do with me. That way lies disappointment. I really don't see him that way at all. But he's starting to imply again that his relationship with the woman he lives with is platonic. Today he even said that he's free. I'll bet you a few hundred thousand that she doesn't see it that way, and from what I've heard of her, I wouldn't want to attract her anger.
May called this evening. I haven't heard from her since Moonlight Madness, Last June 11th. I had been worried about her that evening, and I followed her most of the way home to make sure she made it ok, and then the next day she called NJ, the hostess of Moonlight Madness, and furiously "tore her a new one", told her that she was never going to any more of her parties ever again. She was angry that I had followed her home, and blamed NJ. The whole thing was completely unreasonable. She and NJ have been good friends for at least twenty years.
NJ called me to warn me that May was angry and might call me to chew me out, but she never did. I figured she was even madder at me than at NJ and that's why she didn't call.
This is the woman whom I was so worried about back in June. It's very difficult to help her because she denies any problems and refuses all invitations (except for the twice-yearly parties at NJ's).
So I haven't called her, because I'd figured she wouldn't want to talk with me, and I'd given up on her anyway. There's only so much you can do.
So, she called this evening. She even called at a decent hour (she's been known to call people at 3 am). She sounded sober, sensible, and in good spirits. One problem is that she wants to stay on the phone forever, and she starts telling the same stories over and over, but I had a good excuse to cut the conversation short after 45 minutes - I hadn't heard from my sister about our nephew today, and I wanted to call her before 10 pm. So, anyway, that was good, knowing that she seems ok.
Then I tried to call Sister. We have either talked or I'd gotten email from her every day since Nephew's accident. Her last email was yesterday, and then she said he had developed pneumonia. Nothing today. So I called her cell phone just before 10 pm, and it went directly to voice mail. I didn't leave a message.
Things aren't good at all, so it's not a good sign that I've heard nothing today. Nephew's intracranial pressure, with the shunt, has been in the low 20s. That's not too bad. Adults can be conscious in the low 20s. When it goes over 30, the blood supply can be cut off and brain cells die. He's been at or just above 30 for brief periods. When it goes over 40, major damage is guaranteed. At some point in the past two days, they tried taking him off the paralytic meds, and he started thrashing around, and the pressure went over 60. Sister didn't know how long it was so high, but it doesn't take more than a few minutes to turn his brain to mush. Another ominous sign is that his blood pressure has remained pretty steady. When the intracranial pressure goes up, the blood pressure should also go up, in an attempt to force blood through the brain. Sister thinks it's a good sign that it didn't. I haven't corrected her. The pneumonia may be a blessing.
Sister gave me Nephew's mother's address (ex-sister-in-law) and suggested I send her a note. I haven't because for one thing, I don't know what to say - this is one area in which I am a major klutz, I never know what to say about any sensitive thing, I tend to giggle at funerals - and second, I'm afraid that by the time a snail-mail note got to her, the situation may have changed so much that whatever I say would be the wrong thing. I don't know what I should do. I've seen her exactly once in 37 years (at my mother's funeral, when she and Nephew were the cause of my giggles) so it's not like she's wondering why she hasn't heard from me.
Sigh. I gotta remember to pick up some duct tape. I've got too many warts, and they don't seem to be going away themselves.
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