A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband....
On the first floor the sign on the door says:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign says:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign says:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign says:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign says:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign says:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
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That's beginning to look like my online man search. Maybe my requirements are too tight. I reject everyone who isn't obviously fairly smart or who doesn't live close enough for casual get-togethers. I want a shorter man, because I like being able to see his face when we walk together. I want a man who doesn't have a very large belly or wide hips, because - well, never mind, but I assure you it's important. I want a man who's retired or close to it, because I want a companion who can get away whenever we want to. I want him physically active. I want a man with values close to mine.
I have to keep reminding myself what Jay's profile might have looked like if he'd ever written one. Under my current criteria, I'd have found him much too tall, too broad, too much belly, too inarticulate (and he couldn't spell worth a damn), too shy, too religious, too conservative, not healthy enough, and before we got involved he lived too far away. Also, until he met my dogs and cats, he thought he was allergic to beasties. He probably would have listed square dancing and skiing as major activities. All he'd have had going for him is good looks, intelligence, and nerdish sweetness, but those attributes would have taken a lot of time to discover.
I'd probably have rejected him offhand. "Nice guy, but too big, too far, a little slow, and rather dull."
(By the way, in actual fact, I fell in love with him the first time I saw him, a 3/4 view from behind, before I ever saw his face.)
So, if there's someone out there for me, will I find him? Or will I brush him off without even meeting him? Should I meet every man who "e-glances" my way, regardless of criteria, just in case? Isn't that dangerous?
2 comments:
I made and deleted the above comment while testing the comment facility, so I could describe the process to an e-friend who was having difficulty leaving comments.
Nothing exciting here, friends. Move along.
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