890 Of Horses and Men

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I love watching equestrian events. Steeplechase, jumping, gymkhana, harness racing, calf roping, whatever. I accidentally stumbled into the middle of the World Equestrian Games this afternoon. The jumping events. I love watching the horses, but half the time I really have no idea what I'm seeing. I just like watching the horses, because it's so obvious they know what they're doing and love it.

Today, I was surprised when the announcer said something about the riders and horses being unfamiliar with each other. And another time he commented that one sector of the audience wasn't sure how to react, since they would be for the horse, but against the rider. And he said that the horses compete in a set rotation, but the riders switch around.

Hmmm. Seems to me that other jumping events I've watched, the horse and rider are a long-term pair. I guess today not so. However, I did notice that the riders always got the medals, not the horses, which always seemed like a cheat to me.

I noticed that the horses didn't look like what I was used to in jumping events. Most of the horses were very slender and streamlined, more like racers than the hunters I'm used to seeing. The announcer even remarked that "the riders aren't used to these lighter-weight hotter-framed horses". There was one big heavy gray, who kicked his hind legs out behind him instead of tucking them up under like the lighter horses, and I thought "Yeah, that's more like it."

Three riders were tied at the end, so they had a run-off, and for the run-off they were allowed to ride "their own horses". The winner was the guy who owned the gray, on the gray. Yeah! The gray seemed to know he'd done a good job, too, because as they circled after the last bar, he kicked out behind him several times, midrun. He looked happy and excited.

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I have done nothing today. I haven't even gotten washed or dressed. I got hungry a bit ago and cooked some pasta/chicken/asparagus stuff (chosen from the freezer because I wanted pasta and some vegetable), but now that it's done, I don't want it. It's sitting here getting cold. I guess I'm depressed because Booker has been waiting to hear from me for a week, his emails are getting plaintive, but I just don't know what to do. He's so nice, and so intelligent, and has such a pretty face, and I'd love to keep him as a friend, but I really don't see us in "that kind" of intimate relationship, and I don't want to waste his time. Or, to be frank, mine. Not to mention the 100 miles. I'm really going to have to think of something to say tonight. I can't keep putting it off.

There's another guy who "winked" at me a while ago (20 miles away!). His profile photos were "private", and the text emphasized the importance of religion in his life. So I emailed him back thanking him for the flattering wink, but saying that the religious issue would probably not bode well for us as a match, that he should keep looking. I also pointed out that many women wouldn't even consider a profile without photos, "why are yours private?" So he gave me permission (a link) to see his, and I wrote back that he's actually quite nice looking, he should make them public, and he did, and sent an email thanking me for my kindness.

So, a few weeks pass, and then on 9/16 I get another email from him. His text: "Would you be against a meaningful overnight relationship?.......Just thought I 'd throw that out there.....you never know until you ask...."

I laughed. Every time I read it I laugh again. The poor guy. I haven't replied to him yet, either, but maybe I should rethink that religion problem.

There's something a lot of men don't understand about women. Women understand something about men, but I think most women don't understand the strength of it. (Now, what I say next doesn't apply to all. And it applies more to the younger than the older of us. But it applies a lot more than we want to admit. These are my observations, and I do have a lot of experience in the subject.)

Sex is important to women (in general) when they are in love. If they don't have a man around to focus on, to torque up the hormones, most women don't really miss sex all that very much. The longer without, the less it bothers them.

Sex is always important to men, even when there are no women around. The longer without, the more it bothers them. It's like it backs up into the brain or something.

A man will usually not leave even an unsatisfactory relationship (even if there's no sex left in the relationship, there may still be the possibility) until he has another strong possibility or actuality lined up. Women will leave a bad relationship just because it's bad. She doesn't need another man to leave "for". When I was young, every single man I broke up with asked "WHO IS HE?" and wouldn't believe me when I said there was no one else. They wouldn't believe there was no one else because they would not have left unless there was someone else.

So, now I'm meeting men. Only maybe about two a month or less, but hey, pickings are slim out here in the sticks, especially in my age range, where single women outnumber the men by a factor of two. (I read something recently that is beginning to seem true: "The good ones are taken, and what's left are damaged." Or something like that.) Anyway, the guys I'm meeting are divorced or widowed, and they want sex. Soon. Like right now, if possible. They are very anxious about it.

I want it too, and suitability for such is one of my criteria, but "soon" is not. I don't intend to get into that until after a mutual admiration develops, and there are strong signs of a future. There's no way I will fall into bed with just anyone, and THEN see if it works out. Besides which I am monogamous, so I have to be sure before I restrict myself. (I've already had two very likely candidates tell me that they already have too many "female friends" and didn't need another - so there was no third date.)

This causes a disconnect. Most of these guys want to get right to it, and, unfortunately, much of my "competition" is so anxious to hook a man that they will use sex as the hook. After all, if they get along at all, as long as he's getting some, he's likely to stay with her (especially at our age - he's not going to chance going back to nothing).

Sigh.

I hate these games, and I don't know how to play them. Or maybe I do know how, but I refuse.