#641 Nohari Results

It's been a long time since I requested contributions to my Nohari Window. Many invitees sent an email saying that they couldn't find any terms that fit, or that fit consistently enough that they felt comfortable selecting them, and Nohari insisted on a minimum of five terms, so they refused to do it. So I got only 5 contributors.

Of the five, four know me in person (three currently, and one old friend I haven't actually seen since college), and one knows me only from my journals.

I had selected as my self-description:

• aloof
• insecure
• insensitive
• inattentive
• cynical
• predictable

and I had no difficulty whatsoever on choosing those words. In fact, I could have picked more.

Others chose:

• aloof - 3
• withdrawn - 2
• unhappy -2
• boastful - 2
• impatient - 2
• intolerant - 1
• inflexible - 1
• cynical - 1
• distant - 1
• imperceptive - 1
• chaotic - 1
• embarrassed - 1
• panicky - 1
• self-satisfied - 1
• overdramatic - 1
• predictable - 1
• unreliable - 1

Well, at least no one picked "dull", "unethical", or "cold". I'm very surprised that no one chose "needy". Since "aloof", "withdrawn", and "distant" are all pretty similar, I figure I got 6 votes out of 5 respondents for some variation on aloofness. Not surprising. I am socially inept and a bit shy, and I am very quiet when there are more than a very few people around. I often feel outside the action.

Also, I hesitate to ask people questions unless I already know them very well, already know that the question is not intrusive, or already know the answer. I am very wary of intruding. That could be seen as aloofness, I guess. Like I don't care. I do, but I prefer that information be volunteered. I don't know why I'm so shy about that (well, I vividy recall being severely chastized on a few occasions in my youth by people I respected for asking questions that were "none of my business", and it frightened me then). I am aware it is a problem.

Daughter commented just yesterday, in connection with planning the time and location of her various wedding festivities, that I am obviously more comfortable in smaller groups, so she wouldn't feel bad about scheduling the bigger bashes when I might not be available. Which is a bit off, because although I am more likely to participate in a smaller group, I still enjoy larger groups as much. It's just that I am more quiet, more the watcher on the sidelines, in a larger group. (You know, it has just occurred to me that maybe my being a watcher sometimes makes others uncomfortable. But I'm not all that judgmental....)

The "unhappy" surprised me a bit. I think I'm basically happy. I have unhappy flashes, but I eventually beat them away. Mostly, I'm a little lonely now. I'm happy enough being alone, but sometimes I need someone to share with, and that need does seem to be increasing. (Funny, I just noticed that statement conflicts with the "aloof" perception.)

If you want to see the positives, just for review, go to my Johari Window.