1083 Change

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Roman and I had talked about whether or not there should be a funeral, or memorial, or whatever for his parents. He said they had said that they didn't want anything, and that all their old friends were already gone ahead so there was no point. He felt that it might be disrespectful to go against their wishes.

I suggested that a memorial isn't really for the departed, anyway. It's for the remaining. Jay and I both wanted nothing, no fuss, but there was a memorial service for Jay in his parents' church, because his sisters insisted that Jay's father needed it. So it happened, and it was attended by Jay's sisters and his father and his father's friends, who attended not so much for Jay as for his father.

I suggested that as he notifies family and friends, take their temperature and see how they feel about it. It doesn't have to be something formal in a funeral home or religious venue (his parents were not particularly observant anyway, and their choice was cremation), it could be a simple family reception in his parents' LI apartment or his sister's Manhattan apartment, or a banquet room in a favorite restaurant.

This afternoon I got an email from him. He asked me to post a notice on the Mensa group site, that there would be a memorial at his sister's apartment, this Sunday.

It surprised me for two reasons. First that he contacted me at all. He could have posted the information himself, or asked the president, secretary, or editor to do it. Second, he knows that I'm headed to Florida for a Mensa gathering this weekend. He couldn't help but know that by asking me to post the notice, I ... this makes no real logical sense ... but ... I feel like he's asking me to be there.

That makes no sense.

He's been pretty shy of my having any contact whatsoever with anyone on the "other side" of his life. He said once that he "didn't want to have to explain" me to his family, and I'm certain he doesn't want me anywhere near the other woman. I can't see him wanting me to be there. But I want very much to support him. I called him and asked him to think hard before answering, I won't be hurt whatever he says, but is he absolutely sure that it would not be awkward for him if I were to show up on Sunday. He said he'd already thought about that before he sent the note.

So I called Trav3locity and Sister, and cancelled the Florida trip. Trav3locity has assessed a penalty, but not too very large, and they're keeping some money as a credit that I have a year to use. Sister understands completely. Along about late February or mid-March I will be sick of cold weather, and I'll show up on Sister's doorstep.

On a different (I hope quite different) front, Piper's mid-80's mother was having the cardiac catheterization today (with possible stents) in Florida. She's scheduled for a pacemaker next week. Piper is in Nevada on business and depending on his sisters to keep him posted. I called his cell phone about 9:45 pm to ask him how his mother was, and was surprised when it went directly to voice mail. I hope he's not in the air zooming to Florida. I can't imagine that he's simply turned the phone off. I hope he's merely in a big signal-blocking building.
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