918 I Feel Blech

Saturday, October 8, 2006

I've been feeling very contented, even happy lately. Getting out and exploring new places with the Pilot Log deliveries has been unexpectedly fun. I'm feeling very positive.

However, my body is not happy. For the past few weeks I've had a lot of joint and muscle pain. It seems to have started high in my neck, moved down my back, and is now all over. My knees complain when I stand from sitting. My shoulders ache. Sometimes my arms feel too heavy to lift. My feet ache, and every once in a while there's a sudden arch cramp. I had pain in my lower back that made it hard to sleep last night and there must have been a pinched nerve in there because I had really bad abdominal cramps all evening and through the night. Moving around today seemed to help it, but there's a residual headache. And I've got that heavy feeling in the sides of my jaw and neck that sometimes means I'm fighting off a virus.

At home alone I feel like crawling into bed, pulling the covers over my head, and giving up. So tired. But when I get out, I'm fine as long as I keep moving.

Maybe it's that the weather is changing. I hate cold. I hate being cold. I hate drafts.

Maybe it's that the house is closed up tight, and the furnace is slowly poisoning me.

Maybe I am in fact fighting off some horrible virus.

Maybe this is my old fibromyalgia, and this is how I used to feel all the time, and I just felt better the past year because of the Roman-generated hormonal surges, and I had forgotten how I used to feel, and now it's back. Unfortunately, this is perfectly possible. I know I used to complain that I had constant pain all the time, and this past year I really did feel better.

Maybe my body is trying to tell me I need more chocolate.

I don't know, but I wish whatever it is it would go away.

Or explain itself.