#672 100 Things About Me

There's a meme going around where you are to list 100 things about yourself. It's not as easy as it sounds.

1. I was born in Scranton, Pa.
2. I will be 62 years old next October
3. I feel 37 years old
4. Until I was 7, my family moved every few weeks (military)
5. Until I was 17, my family moved every 1-2.5 years
6. I didn't develop youthful social skills because there seemed to be no point, just pain
   
7. I am the eldest of five, I have two brothers and two sisters
8. I feel guilty because I am not much in contact with my siblings
9. I feel guilty because my youngest sister died in her early 40s of alcoholism
10. I feel guilty because my youngest brother is likely to die of a drug overdose
11. I am afraid of the other brother
12. I avoid contact with my siblings because the feelings are too strong
13. Although I'm sure she must have at some time, I cannot remember my mother ever touching me
14. I avoid hugging
15. I crave hugs
    
16. I graduated from a tiny high school on a mountain, most of my classmates had outhouses
17. Within a year of graduation, 40% of the boys in my class asked me to marry them
18. My mother had to cosign my first teaching contract because I was still a minor
19. I've had several repeating dreams that have later come true, down to the details
20. I am afraid of repeating dreams
21. I am afraid of spiders
22. I am not afraid of any other insects or animals
23. I love mice
24. I love toads
    
25. I have a fox den in my front yard
26. I sleep halfway on my stomach and halfway on my side
27. I have an extremely high pain threshold, the "sternum rub" consciousness test doesn't work on me
28. I am extremely conscious of pain, because I can't tell how serious it is
29. I have fibromyalgia - I always have pain somewhere
    
30. My anger is brief, but violent
31. My love is forever, and passionate
32. I know that #30 and 31 sometimes scare people, but I don't care
33. I want to understand everything, which sometimes frustrates people close to me
34. I often feel like I understand nothing, which frustrates me
35. Psychoanalysis saved my life
36. I almost always score 99.5%ile or above on standardized tests, on almost any subject
37. ...including IQ tests
38. I believe in fairies
39. I am serious about #38
40. I like nerds
    
41. There are only two men that I believe knew the real me, and really truly loved me, and they both died young, one at age 32, the other at 49
    
42. I lost four babies - three miscarried and one near-term stillborn after an apartment fire - before having Daughter at 31.
43. I've had three husbands, two ex and one late
44. I believe I will marry five times
45. I won't tell you why I believe that, but I do
    
46. I am afraid to marry a fourth for love
47. I collect teapots
48. I collect buttons
49. I collect dust bunnies
50. I own about 5,000 books
51. I haven't had a bad cold in three years, maybe longer
    
52. I am an excellent craftsman
53. I have little creativity
54. I have many skills
55. I have no talents
56. I can't dance well - no sense of rhythm
57. Amadeo and I once cleared a dance floor in New Haven doing a fancy cha-cha
58. Ruby, Jeannie, and I often enthralled the audience at the 6-15 club doing the Charleston
59. I can't dance, but I can fake it well
60. I love the sound of bells, especially carillons
    
61. I own 7 different types of musical instruments, and can't play any of them
62. My feet are always odiferous, even though there's nothing wrong, and even when I wear sandals all day
63. My plans always outstrip my abilities or capacity or interest
    
64. I hate being cold
65. I don't mind heat
66. I love hard cloudbursts when the sun is still shining through - I go out and play in the rain, even now
    
67. I love when the sun is low but strong, so it lights leaves from underneath, and the air turns green and gold
68. I don't like drizzle
69. I read, or work crosswords or logic puzzles before falling asleep
70. I often end up sleeping with the light on
71. I prefer the freedom of a hotel to staying with friends or family, or even B&Bs, when I travel
72. I can't cook
73. I am very good at research
74. I have a learning disability - I can't internalize the concept of "left" and "right"
75. Marijuana makes #74 worse - to where I get seasick
76. Yeah, I tried it - once, in the late 70's - and now I am so sensitive to it I get dizzy at the first whiff
77. I can't remember names - people, places, flowers, bands, books, whatever
78. I have been catless for only one short period since 1958
79. All of my leukemia-free cats have lived into their twenties
80. I don't mind being short
81. ... but I wish my legs were longer
82. I am very strong, and not just physically
83. I am very sexual, sensual, and sensuous
    
84. I tend to be very naive
85. There's a large gap between my emotions and my intellect - maybe not a gap, maybe a wall
    
86. I think #85 is a good thing
87. I enjoy complicated crewel embroidery
88. I am slightly ashamed that I enjoy embroidering
89. I dislike spectator sports - I don't see any point to it
90. I like equestrian spectator sports, even though there is no point
91. I like strong drums, heavy rhythms, the thump in the chest
    
92. I tear up when I watch marching bands in parades, especially kids doing it well
93. I'm not patriotic
94. I enjoy watching someone do something well, from dancing to teaching to sculpting, anything
95. I refuse to fight over anything less than a life/death matter, I give in because it isn't worth it
96. I prefer not to take responsibility for anything other than myself
97. I have difficulty asking strangers personal questions
98. When I do ask questions, they are frequently probing questions, the recipient gets defensive, and I come off as sarcastic, or trying to trap them
    
99. I am afraid of sounding sarcastic
100. I love.