Monday, January 09, 2006

#514 Lost Peace

I went to the post office this evening, and then for one of my notorious "try to get lost" drives. I took turns at random, and I found a tiny hamlet I'd never heard of before, named Viewmont, six or eight houses and a church, somewhere north of home between routes 9 and 9G. The road was one of those where the trees and telephone poles and barns crowd right up against the verge, and the deer were out in the twilight. It was a nice drive. I may never find that road again.

I often find places like that, quiet peaceful spots, but usually there's no village sign, or I don't remember the name, so I can't look it up on a map, and I really never do find it again. I like to think sometimes that the place existed only for that moment, and can never be found again.

Like a lot of peaceful places

When I got home, I brought the mail up from the end of the drive, and found among it a card from Roman. On the front it says "Just thought I'd drop you a line to say Hi and to let you know things are pretty much the same" with a drawing of a grinning cat. Inside it says "I'm still as adorable as you remember me to be." It's signed "With Love".

I don't understand.

It was mailed on Saturday, from Westchester. Westchester? Saturday? And then the call last night, Sunday night.

I don't understand.

He's male. Men don't shop for cards like that, especially not for someone they want to "take a break" from.
He's intelligent. If he did want to choose a card, he'd want to make damn sure it was appropriate.
He's cautious. He wouldn't say anything in writing that I might misinterpret.

I don't understand.

How does he want me to interpret this? Is he just wagging his tail, like "Please don't be mad at me?"

Is he trying to defuse any retaliation I might take?

And then I sit down at the computer and find an email from him, written a half hour before, containing details about the computer club meeting Thursday evening and a note that he's getting ready to head back to the city.

Ok, this one I could understand all by itself. But it was a little more than I could take all at once.

I need to find that hamlet again.

Daughter? Do nothing! Say nothing! I am strong when I have to be, and I am allowed to be weak when I want to be.

Right now I am strong.

I will never! ever! be second-class again.

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