Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts

Sunday, March 11, 2012

3485 Looking back at Mother

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The rich buy assets. The poor have only expenses.
The middle class buys liabilities they think are assets.
--Robert Kiyosaki --

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Everybody, when they have a baby, is determined to not make the same mistakes their mother or father made with them. They vow that "I will never" blah blah, whatever they remember from their own childhood as a crime against them.

They are unaware that even as they avoid the old mistakes, they will make new ones of their own.

Especially with the first child, when they are unsure, they begin to realize that they've already made mistakes before the kid is even walking, they begin to realize that it's not as easy as they thought. They realize that parents are human, and there are other parts of life to deal with, other pressures, and they can't always make the right decisions and do the right thing all the time. Other crap interferes. Parents aren't so god-like that they know everything about everything, everything that's going on. The best you can do is try to make the right decisions and actions righter than the wrong ones are wrong.

And then they look back at their own parents, and think "gee, maybe they weren't so bad after all, they did the best they could at the time", and they finally brush off all those little scars to their psyche they'd been carrying around for so long.

I just wish it hadn't taken my daughter 36 years to have her first baby.
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Saturday, May 07, 2011

3242 Costs of defense; Baby names

Saturday, May 7, 2011

A classic is something that everyone wants to have read, but nobody wants to read.
--Mark Twain --

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This is an excellent article on what 9/11 and the resultant security has cost. It's especially exceptional considering the source. I don't usually think of Yahoo as presenting well-researched hard news.

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Well, the baby did get a name before leaving the hospital. Daughter and Hercules wanted to wait until they'd met her before naming her. You know, some idea of her personality or something. Of course I can't tell the name here, but, sigh, it's pretty ordinary, and I don't think it's a family or friend retread. Which is good.

Of course, being over 65, I found something (Get off my lawn!) to be annoyed about. Their delay didn't bother me at all, but the impatience of others was grossly annoying. Not so much their friends, but other family members.

When friends called, they asked how Mommy and baby were doing, and so on. They might ask somewhere in the middle if a name had been chosen, and that was it. Family, however, really pissed me off. It got to where that was the first question they asked. And when told there was no name yet, they pushed! And pushed and pushed. Like it was of absolute vital importance that they know what the baby's name was, immediately!

I don't understand what was so hard about referring to the kid as "Daughter and Hercules' baby". What's so important about a name?

My suspicion was that they weren't so much simply wanting to know what the baby's name was --- they wanted to know who she was named after! So they'd know whether they should be flattered or insulted. That pissed me off.

I was also annoyed that Hercules' mother thrust herself into the naming game. She had no right to push or reject any names. Me, I stood back and said, to every name Daughter and Hercules explored, "Yeah, that's nice/unusual/strong/unique/pretty" as applied. I made no suggestions. I figured it wasn't my place to suggest or disapprove any names.

Hercules's mother wasn't of the same opinion. She and I have similar first names, and she suggested brightly that our name would be appropriate. That's the first time I expressed a definite opinion. I hate my first name, have always hated it, and asked that they please not saddle the kid with it. And I didn't much care if I insulted Hercules' mother. I don't think she should have put that kind of pressure on them anyway - and yeah, it was pressure, unless she's really so stupid as to assume the kids hadn't already considered and rejected that.

I'll admit I don't like her. She never shuts up, she pushes herself in even where she's been told to back off, she's a ditz. She sees signs and omens everywhere, and if she finds out your exact birthdate and time, she'll run your astrological whatchamacallit, and then for the rest of your life she'll be predicting things for you and "helping" you make decisions. Daughter had asked her not to come to the hospital when she was in labor. She did. Daughter didn't want her to know the time of birth. She does now.

When the kids mentioned possible names, she had to know the "meaning" of the name. Like it matters, you fool! One of the early names was "Sojourn", as in "Sojourner Truth". I actually liked it. But she didn't, because it means "a temporary stay", and OMG! That's a bad omen!!! Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad....

I could dislike her for that alone.

Oh, cripes.
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Saturday, April 30, 2011

3235 Baby Pictures

Saturday, April 30, 2011

You don't fall in love with a person. You fall in love with the way you feel when you're with that person.
-- Silk --

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They just got home, maybe an hour ago.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

3233 Baby details

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Definition: Perfluxity - the feeling that you are drowning in a sea of information.

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Daughter had wanted as natural and intervention-free a birth as possible. She had started out planning a home-birth, and had engaged a midwife. She read everything she could. She was certain she could go natural. I supported her in that, because I believed she could. She went beyond me, however, in that she had zero trust in doctors. She was scared near to death that if she went "conventional", she'd end up another of the victims of the scandalous American love affair with C-sections.

She's also a bit of a control freak, especially where her body is concerned.

However, impediments piled up. Her first choice in midwife turned out to be an undependable flake. The next was not much better. The insurance company threw up barriers. And so on. The final blow came when she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. That plus her age (35 and first pregnancy) made her pregnancy high-risk.
Quick lesson: Gestational diabetes begins at or after the 24th week when the hormones from the placenta interfere with the mother's pancreas' ability to make sufficient insulin. Without sufficient insulin, there's too much sugar in the mother's blood. This excess sugar passes through to the baby. The baby then makes large amounts of insulin and converts the excess sugar to fat. You end up with a very large chubby baby. They tend to be especially large in the upper body, and the size of the baby's head and shoulders can make vaginal delivery difficult if not impossible. In the worse case scenario, the head makes it though, but the shoulders, being softer, cannot and become wedged.

For a short time after birth, the baby still is making excess insulin, but is no longer getting all that sugar, and becomes hypoglycemic. This can cause lower calcium and magnesium levels, "the jitters", jaundice, and breathing difficulties. Most of that resolves itself in a few days with care and feeding. Gestational diabetes does not cause birth defects, since the major organs are well formed before the 24th week. However, the child may have a higher risk of childhood obesity and of developing type 2 diabetes in mid-life. For some reason, breast feeding for six months lessens those risks.
So, with the "high risk" tag, home birth was no longer an option. Daughter shopped hard for an obstetrician who she felt would be willing to allow her in the hospital the kind of birth experience she envisioned.

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The call came at 2:50 am Monday. Daughter's water had broken, although she wasn't yet in what might strictly be called labor. Ordinarily, the doctor would say it's ok to wait a bit before going to the hospital, but her amniotic fluid was heavily stained with meconium (baby's first poopy, normally not passed until late labor, delivery, or after birth). This is not good. It can cause serious problems if aspirated.

I had Fred the van in their driveway by 3:10, and she and Hercules and what looked like enough luggage for an arctic expedition (I'm not kidding!) were ensconced in a nest of blankets, foam, and pillows in Fred's open belly, and we set out at about 3:30 am. (None of us, by the way, had had more than 2.5 hours sleep.)

The fog was thick. So thick that I missed the turns out of our own neighborhood, a route I drive every day! And got lost! Four blocks from the house! None of the usual landmarks were visible. I had the GPS, and Jeeves would say, "Recalculating. Turn right on XYZ street", but I'd miss the turn because I literally couldn't see the intersection, even as I drove past it. It was so bad I could have been driving across someone's lawn and I wouldn't have noticed until I hit their house.

After maybe five minutes of stumbling around, we found the main road, and at least I could see the line down the middle. We arrived at the hospital a little after four, heavy fog all the way. Hercules took Daughter in, and by the time I'd parked Fred and gone upstairs, she was in a gown in a bed and hooked up to belts across her belly.

She wasn't dilated very much - maybe 3 cm. (I didn't write down times and numbers, and over the next 20+ hours things got a little foggy.) There was a monitor at the nurses' station with feeds from all the monitors in all the rooms, and I noticed that on all but one of them, the contraction bumps sloped halfway up the height of the strip. On one of them, the bumps went straight up to the top of the strip, ran flat across the top, and then fell down. That was Daughter's strip, echoing the monitor in her room. I don't know if it was just a difference in the position of the belly straps, or the fact that Daughter has virtually no body fat that made hers look so different, but I know she was having a very hard labor.

Very.

She tried kneeling, crouching, leaning forward against the raised back of the bed, lying on a blanket on the floor. By early afternoon it was obvious she was exhausted. But she was only up to 5 cm, and the baby's heartrate was a bit too high. The doctor was getting concerned because of the meconium. The longer the baby was in there with it, the greater the chance of aspirating it. She had to show steadier progress.

Hercules and I had a conference in the hall. We both knew Daughter was adamant about avoiding an epidural, and especially about avoiding pitocin (oxytocin). But she was obviously already exhausted. She wasn't dilating as fast as she needed to if she was to avoid a C-section. She needed a break. We convinced her to give it a try, if only so she could rest a little, and being a drip, they could taper it off when she was ready to push. She was concerned that it would slow or lessen contractions - and - this part made no sense to me - the nurse said that's an old wive's tale, it doesn't affect contractions, but with the epidural they'd have to give her pitocin to make sure. (Um, isn't that an implied contradiction?) Anyway, she agreed to the epidural and pitocin on the condition that she was in charge of the dosage level. She didn't want to feel nothing.

Now, anyone who knows me knows how strongly I feel about unnecessary intervention in the birth process. Daughter is even stronger. But as I explained to her then, unnecessary intervention, intervention only for convenience, is absolutely a bad thing. But necessary intervention can be a wonderful thing. It can help you to do what is needed. Even a Cesarean (she tensed at the very word) can be a good thing, when the only alternative is worse.

So she got the epidural, and continued with the lowest possible dose (or so they told us). At any rate, she could feel the contractions enough to make her pant.

Time passed.

She developed a fever. It rose quickly. They didn't know why, but attributed it to an infection due to the meconium (which I thought was virtually sterile, containing nothing that she didn't already have inside her). They were worried that if she had an infection, so did the baby.

Eventually she had tubes all over her. The IV sprouted multiple branches - saline, antibiotic, pitocin. There was the epidural. The Foley. They put a tube into the uterus to flush it with saline to wash out the meconium. (There was a lot of it.) There was an internal monitor - not the one screwed into the baby's head - this one just ran past the baby to measure (I gather) pressure on the baby. Because her water had broken so early, this was also a concern. There were two belts around her belly - one for contractions and one for baby's heart rate.

She finally made it to 9 cm dilated, and stopped.

She remained at 9 cm for the next seven hours.

She cried. She felt that she had somehow failed. She had the epidural reduced to next to nothing, but she still didn't dilate any more. We explained over and over that she was wonderful, she did everything right, that whatever was going on was nothing she could control, It just was.

Stasis. She still had the fever.

She agreed to the Cesarean.

That was about midnight.

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Now, it wasn't exactly a red emergency, but I've seen this happen before in non-emergency situations and it always amazes me. Within seconds of her saying yes, a SWAT team of nurses poured through the door to unplug everything she was attached to, and she was being wheeled down the hall before we even realized it. Another smaller team rushed in and pushed a papery set of scrubs on Hercules, shoved him into the bathroom to change, and rushed him down the hall, and in seconds I was standing alone in the empty room, with scraps of paper swirling down to the floor, like a scene in a movie shot in an abandoned city.

I suspect they do that so you don't have a chance to change your mind.

Then a nurse stuck her head in the door and told me to gather up their personal belongings, and take them out of the room. "To where? Where will they be going next?" "Don't know. Take it all to the waiting room."

The arctic expedition, remember?

It took me three heavily loaded trips. By the third trip, the room had been cleaned and there was a new bed all made up in there. I felt like we'd been ignominiously kicked out.

I found Hercules' mother in the waiting room. She had driven 12 hours up from the Carolinas.

Hercules showed up in his scrubs sometime a little before 1 am, with photos.

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The baby (she still has no name) is now in the NICU. She has ALL the usual gestational diabetes symptoms. Daughter breastfed almost immediately after delivery, and goes to the NICU very few hours. She has a lot of milk, had no problems with "letting down", and Baby latched on tight right off the bat and drains Daughter thoroughly. I hear she's loud - when she's not eating or sleeping, she's screaming. That's a GD thing, too. The jittery thing. I hope that clears up soon.

It's actually very lucky that Daughter got stuck at 9 cm. It may have saved some lives, or at least bodies.

If she had made it all the way to 10 and the pushing stage, she would have done her utmost to push that baby out. The head would have made it out, because it's smoother and harder, but the shoulders would have gotten stuck. Baby's got shoulders like a football player, a common GD problem. (See the photo below. Hercules' new nickname for her is "Mack Truck".) The shoulders, being softer, don't make it through, an obstetrician's nightmare because in that condition, a Cesarean is difficult, and vaginal delivery often results in shoulder damage - broken bones or nerve damage.

Maybe two minutes old:

Now THAT'S a fat baby. Cheeks, lips, thighs, even the feet. Catch the Mommy-killer shoulders:

I'm left with some questions. Howcome ultrasound can detect a penis, but not a linebacker's shoulders? Shouldn't they know about this before labor even starts?
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3232 Treasure at the end

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

From Something to Talk About: Poison - homeopathic aversion therapy.

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It's a girl.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011, 12:38 am
8 lbs. 4 oz.

Labor was long and difficult, Daughter and Hercules were heroic, Baby-Still-No-Name-Yet was finally delivered by cesarean. It was the right decision.
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Saturday, April 23, 2011

3228 Probably not raccoons

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Swedish proverb: God gives every bird his worm, but He does not throw it into the nest.

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It's 7:45 PM, and still no action on the baby front. They've had three ultrasounds, and swear they don't know whether it's a boy or girl. Also no printouts. When asked if they have any favorite names, they say no, they figure they have plenty of time to wait for the baby to name itself.

I think they just don't want any "help" or opinions. That's ok with me.

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Remember when my neighbor George said there were raccoons living in the car buried in my back bank? Well, I'm not so sure that they're really raccoons.

George calls the daffodils in his front yard "tulips". He calls the day lilies in the back "daffodils". He started ripping out a vine climbing one of my trees, describing it as "an ugly weed". It's wisteria. He has caribou horns over his shed door, that he described as "moose". He calls painted turtles "snapping turtles". I think George is a 70+ city boy.

So heaven only knows what's living in the vehicle. Could be groundhogs (a.k.a. woodchucks or marmots), or opossums, but I'm beginning to doubt that it's raccoons. That's fine with me. Raccoons are smart and can be fun to watch, but they're smart enough to be destructive, too. I prefer that they stay in wilder areas.
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3227 Due Date

Saturday, April 23, 2011

The fly that doesn’t want to be swatted is most secure when it lands on the fly-swatter.
-- G. C. Lichtenberg --

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Today is Daughter's due date, but there doesn't seem to be anything happening other than that Baby has dropped and is head-down. On the other hand, I suspect she'll do the same thing I did when I was expecting her - keep quiet and delay going until the last minute. That way there's a lot less "helpful intervention".

They want me to drive them to the hospital with Fred, the van, because of the dropped floor and large open space in the body, so she can lie down. I've cleared out all the empty boxes in there that were to go back to the old house for reuse, swept the floor, covered the floor with a blanket, and laid out a folding foam "spare bed" in there. I put the EZPass (for automatic toll payment) in Fred, filled his gas tank, and made sure the GPS was plugged in. And I packed a little bag with my knitting, a book, a camera, toiletries, and so on for myself, just in case.

I'm not too happy about the fact that she (and probably Hercules) won't be belted in, but I guess that's the least of their worries. I do have belts that lock into slots in the floor for tying down a wheelchair, that could be criss-crossed over her, but I can guarantee she won't want them.

So, we wait.
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Sunday, September 06, 2009

2575 Photos from the past

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Old Italian saying: If you’re standing with one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you’re pissing on today.

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Jay's sister sent me a large box of some of the photographs she found when cleaning out Jay's father's house. I went through them last night. A lot are from Jay's childhood. Some are of him and his ex-wife, and many are of him and me.

When I met him, in his middle thirties, he was a big man, 6'3", 240 pounds, with a very small round potbelly. Judging from these photos, he was always tall, and until his thirties, he was skinny. If it weren't for the dates on the back of the photos, I'd be unable to judge his age. There was also a boy scout uniform shirt in the box. I remember him telling me that he had been a cub scout, but was in the boy scouts for only a few years. The shirt fit me. I wear a 40" chest.

Many of the photos including me were a surprise in more ways than one. Half of them, I have no idea where they were taken. I can tell when by the date on the back, but unless they were in a known house, I have no idea where, or what the occasion was.

I had gained weight after we got married in 1994. During Jay's illness, starting in 1999, I lost a lot of weight and gained a lot of muscle. I looked great, and that's an objective opinion. Then after he died at the end of 2001, I gained a lot of weight. By 2005 I was the heaviest I'd ever been. I knew I was heavy then, because I couldn't find clothes to fit. What I didn't know was how I looked back before he got sick. It was about 10 pounds less than 2005's high, and looking at those photos, I can't believe I didn't know how bad I looked, or that I ever got even bigger.

I guess have a distorted body image. When I look in the mirror, I think I look fine, in the face and figure. But when I see photographs I'm shocked. My face is older than I realize, and my body is, um, wider. My weight has fluctuated wildly over the past fifteen years, a 50 pound difference between the highs and the lows, but except for right now, I never really realized when I was heavy.

I think perhaps I tend to see myself as my romantic interest sees me. Jay thought I looked fine back then. The Man, now, would prefer me a bit heavier, I think. Me, I want my spectacular thirties back.

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A selection from the box.

Jay's father worked for Kodak, and took a lot of pictures. He viewed the world through a lens. A good portion of the box contents is his kids, frame after frame, pose after pose. He'd set Jay up with a toy - maybe a toy truck - on a side table, and obviously said "play with it", and then took picture after picture. Those kids must have spent some miserable afternoons.

He took a lot of pictures when he visited us, but I'd never seen any of them until this box arrived.

December 1954. Jay would have been 33 months old, and look how tall he is. The older sister would have been about ten years old.
1964. Jay at about 12 years old. The shirt he's wearing, that fits me, was also in the box.August 1984. This was right about the time I first met him.
October 1985. This house under construction. That's Jay, his ex-wife, and his mother on the deck. This is the back wall of the living room. The trees have grown up since, so that view is now available only in the winter when the leaves are gone.
October 1985. Construction, this house, no fireplace mantel yet. That's the dining room around the corner to the left, and I included this photo to show that there's more glass in the dining room. Master bedroom has more.
December 1987. Three years before he left the Ex. Seven years before we married. He's 35 in this shot, and look at all the white starting in his beard already. He and the Ex had been married about four years, and he was unhappy. They had been dating in Texas when he was transferred to NY, so they got married rather quickly. Within months he was sleeping in the guest bedroom, and she had pretty much set up a life separate from him. He had always wanted children. After they were married, she said she didn't want children. She was deliriously happy in the marriage. She was supported, nice house, handsome escort whenever she wanted to go out, major travel twice a year, and she didn't have to do anything in exchange. Before he left the office every day, he'd call her and she'd tell him what takeout to pick up. We, his friends, knew he was not happy, but we didn't know why.
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You'll notice that from here on down, every time you see me, my hair is a different color. It isn't really. I didn't do anything to it. I considered it a dark reddish-brown, like in the 1995 photos, but what color it looks like in photos is rather random. It seems to depend on the lighting, and whether the light shines through it or on it, natural light or flash.
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September 1994. The mini-Schnauzer belonged to Jay's father. That dog hated me. Bit me seriously three times over the next few years, and yet every time his father went to Europe on his annual trip, he insisted on leaving the dog with us. The blond dog, Baby, was left with us when Daughter went to college, and promptly fell madly in love with Jay. The gray Keeshund, Ninja, had a skin problem, so we had to keep him clipped. And here's a "heavy" photo. I look like a walking cracker box.
February 1995.
February 1995.
June 1995. Ninja and me. Jay's father would find a pose he liked, and then insist that everyone do it.
June 1995. Jay, same pose, with father's dog Robin. There are versions of various combinations of animals and people, but none of me with Robin. That dog hated me.
January 1996. Yes, I'm standing.
June 1998. Daughter's cat Scruffy, who also moved in with us when she went to college. Scruffy was a huge mellow Maine 'Coon cat, a Harley biker in a cat suit. I'm sorry his tail isn't in that picture. It was a huge fluffy raccoon tail. And look how light my hair is with the sun shining through it.
Later: When I checked the posting, the song that played was "Where Have All the Flowers Gone". Sniff.
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