2298 Thinking it over

Saturday, March 7, 2009

I resigned from The Company three times, and they hired me three times. They even gave me the same serial number each time, and updated my hire-in date to show continuous service. If I wanted to go back to work now, I'm fairly sure they'd find something for me. I have an impressive folder. But, looking over the past forty years, I realize now that starting with them was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Bad choice. I hated every moment with them. I should have stayed in teaching, something I loved.

(Of course, then maybe I would not have met Jay, which is one of the few things I did right. On the other hand, it turned out we'd been circling each other for decades before we met, so maybe we'd have met even without The Company. I don't know.)

Two out of three of my marriages were to the wrong men. Bad choices. There were reasons, of course, for why they sort of looked right at the time, but there were also negative signs, and I ignored them.

Having a medical scare makes you look at where you are now, what you're doing, what you really want compared to what you have. Reevaluate the path you've chosen.

I don't know what I'll do about it, but I want more.

I want to live in a warm place, without snow.

I want a man I can go to for hugs when I need them, without getting a lecture as to why it's impossible this week.

I want to make things, to create.

I want a clean neat house.

I've gotta think about this.
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