1244 Just Like? Not Quite.

Somewhere in the middle of the night...Saturday into Sunday, May 13, 2007

In the previous entry, speaking of Jay's elder sister, I said, "She's very like her father - figures that once she's thought something out, she's obviously right and any additional information is superfluous. She'll ride right over objections. "

Perhaps that was an overstatement. The father was often very difficult to take. He would very often listen impatiently to what one had to say, and then respond "Well, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard."

"Stupid" was his favorite word. He used it often.

Anything popular was stupid. All television was stupid. Purchasing any car other than a Volvo was stupid. Anything outside his habit was stupid. He showed up unexpectedly on our doorstep at lunchtime one day (we understood he'd be arriving the next day), and the only thing I had to offer him for lunch was leftover chicken vegetable stirfry from the night before. His response? "That's not a proper lunch." Duh? I had to make a deli run to get him a turkey sandwich. And it couldn't be ready-made. I had to have the deli package the ingredients all separately and then assemble it at home. Deli-made sandwiches were "stupid".

When we went to France, he had every minute, and that's not an exaggeration, mapped out.
7:00 am - wake up
7:30 am - breakfast
8:12 am - check out of hotel
8:22 am - start drive to Arles
11:40 am - purchase bread and cheese in xxx village
11:55 am - eat lunch in park in yyy village
12:25 pm - resume drive
2:30 pm - arrive Arles, check into hotel
2:50 pm - go see ruins
... and so on. I have an actual itinerary from one of our trips, and it really does look like that, for three weeks worth!

I had never seen the Mediterranean, and I have this thing about wanting to touch water - I have touched the Atlantic, and the Pacific, and the Caribbean, and the Mississippi, and the Missouri, and the Red River, and so on, and when we were passing very close to the Mediterranean Sea, I could catch glimpses through the buildings, I wanted to stop for just a moment so I could run down to the water and touch it, and he said no, because it would put us off schedule.

He was very difficult to deal with. It's no wonder YSH disliked him.

We butted heads a lot at first, but I persevered and actually won a few disagreements with him, and he gradually grew to respect my opinion. It eventually got to where he'd say "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard", and I'd lash back "No it's not!", and he'd laugh, and then he'd listen.

He's what Jay grew up with. Every once in a while, Jay would get frustrated with something he was trying to do, and he would suddenly flip out and beat himself really hard on his temples with his fists, shouting "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" He wasn't himself then. I'd have to grab his head in my arms and calm him. I used to wonder how much "Stupid!" he got in his childhood. I suspect that precious little of what he ever did was good enough.

Well, now the father is old. A succession of caregivers rules his every moment. They've taken control away from him. I feel sorry for him. I seem to be the only person he can express his frustration to. When he tries to tell his daughters he wants to be able to set his own schedules or whatever, they respond, "Oh, Dad. That's stupid. They're just doing what's best for you...."

He's just a bewildered old man now.

And suddenly YSH can stand him?

Yeah, sure. Ok.
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