Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I print the archive at the end of the month because, after all, this IS my diary. Someday in my dotage I'll read it all to remember who I was.
I got some comments on the previous post, to which I responded. The comments don't show in the straight archive, so they don't get saved. These I want to save. These are my sisters. So I'm duplicating them here. Have patience.
i have self-image problems from not fitting into the general idea of beauty. my mom always quantified my looks as "you WOULD be cuter than so-and-so's daughter if ..." never a "you are beautiful"
i am more comfortable in my skin nowadays, but if i had some support in my youth, i think i wouldn't have been so insecure.
Same here. None of them men in my life have told me I was beautiful. This just reinforced everything that was said to me in my childhood about my looks. My grandfather told me I was built for comfort, not speed, when I was no more than 10 years old.
I actually had to make my fella say I looked nice when we went to a formal dinner.
So I'm there with ya, sister. And I absolutely believe now that beauty is also about how you project yourself.
Becs - from our short meeting, I'd say you project yourself as strong, confident, and decisive. I have decided that's how you are. So oh yes, projection works.
Ally - My mother never complimented me or my sister on anything, not once, on appearance, skills, talents, or accomplishment. What we remember was cats dragging stuff in, dog's breakfasts, sacks tied in the middle, and "you can do better". Our mother was objectively very beautiful, at a time when beauty was all a woman had, and I think now that she saw us as unwelcome competition, a reminder that she was getting older.
Both - I think sometimes men see a relationship as a power struggle, and telling you that you are beautiful is a threat to the power balance. Like if you believe you're beautiful, you might start thinking you can do better than him.