970 No More Online Dating

Friday, November 10, 2006

I've had it with the online dating crap. Yeah, Daughter and son-in-law found each other online, and I'm sure there have been other success stories, but it just isn't working for me.

It's beginning to seem like all these guys are lying about their age, and their photos are at least 10 years old. Most of the ones I've met in my age group are badly damaged, either emotionally or physically. The good healthy** happy ones get social as soon as they are available, and don't go online. Pickings may be better for the younger folks, but not in this age group (57-65).

What's really discouraging is that (and I've heard this from other women, it's not just my experience) guys who are relatively local, say within 40 miles or so, don't want to meet local women. Are they afraid of meeting some woman who will then camp on their doorstep? Afraid they can't get rid of someone local if it doesn't work out? 80% of the contacts I've been getting are from at least 100 miles away. I get a lot of guys sniffing around who live in New York City, eastern Pennsylvania, western Massachusetts. Now, hey, I'm sure there are plenty of women local to them. Why are they looking at me? Because I'm a safe 100 miles away?

A male friend has suggested that the men might be afraid that all a local woman wants is an escort, a steady date, until he pushes too hard for sex, and then she's off to the next (next what?), whereas a long distance connection is more likely to be looking for something permanent. She'd be investing more in it. Not to mention that a long distance meeting is likely to involve weekend visits, which could quickly get interesting.

Which is exactly why I don't want long distance. It puts too much pressure on. I would want to explore "us", a friendship, a growing together, before getting intimate.

I guess the crisis came when I realized that there's a guy in New Haven with whom I had been trading emails for a month, and whom I had promised to call - two weeks ago - and I haven't called him. Haven't emailed since that promise, either. He sounds really good. Looks really good. But New Haven? That's like 140 miles. As good as he sounds, I really don't want to get into that.

So I thought about it a bit, and decided I really didn't want to get into any of it.

I guess I'll just have to continue going to movies alone, and continue celibate. Online wasn't fixing those problems, anyway.

If I want a local man, the way to do it is to get out and meet local men, locally. Once they get to know me, they'll think I'm wonderful, well worth the risk. All I have to do is figure out where intelligent single men in their late 50s and early 60s hang out, go there, and exude availability. And somehow learn how to flirt. And do "small talk". Yup, that's all I have to do. That's all. All. Sigh.

I also have to clean up the house. I am fully aware that I've let the house go because I wanted isolation. I wanted to not be able to invite anyone in because I didn't want anyone in, in any way. Ok. Let's clear clutter. Opening up the house might open me up.

Got me some work to do.

Any suggestions? (Sorry - church groups are out. That would be starting off with a lie.)

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**"Healthy" is relative. I don't mind his having had bypass surgery, or some extra weight. I do want him to at least be able to keep up with me mentally and physically, and not fall asleep during dinner. That's not too much to ask. If he falls apart after a few years, that's ok (there's no guarantee I won't fall apart in a few years), but I want those few years.