Friday, August 01, 2008

1937 What are they thinking?

Friday, August 1, 2008

All of my online dating profiles and accounts have been dead for a year, but Match.com is still sending me weekly email full of "matches we have selected for you". I don't know what criteria they're using for this matching. They send me men who live 100 miles away. Men who are 40 years old, looking for women 28-38. From the photos it would be easy to conclude they're just sending me the most desperate of their clients.

I suppose there's a way to make them stop, but I haven't tried because it's sometimes amusing. I've been giggling at some of the "handles" these guys choose.

  • Snowaterguy - why do I think "yellow"?
  • Dumas789 - just how many other dumb asses are there out there? (He's nice looking, BTW.)
  • Earthighs - I suspect he means "Earth highs", but I keep reading it as "Ear thighs".
  • Varsity02 - a 61-yo? A case of arrested development?
  • Johnnyace719 - casino, anyone?
  • GPsilverfox - well, he's got a healthy self-image. I suspect the GP is Grandpa.
  • Jeepsoft - I kinda like this, wonder how he came up with it. Makes me think of little fuzzy yellow chicks with attitude, for some reason.
  • Briskymorning - I happen to know this guy, ex-coworker, super sexy, but his handle makes me shiver.
  • Ubereclectic - I have to wonder about anyone who uses "uber". I already have a feeling we wouldn't hit it off. "Uber" smells of beer.
  • No401k - he's looking for a sugar momma?
  • Artfuldoger892 - Prophetic? Not promising if one wants a long-term relationship.
  • Maj.Pain - Makes me laugh. Humor or honesty?
  • Cereopsis - that's the Cape Barren Goose, cereopsis novaehollandiae. They mate only in/on water. Is this a warning or a promise?
  • Topguyforltr - is that Top Guy For Letter? I don't get it, but it feels vaguely dirty.
  • Soundsystem10003 - I have a feeling the lady will not come first.
  • BankdudeNY - working in or robbing? And, um, "dude"? You're adult!
  • Cinderella1faces - this is a guy?
  • Singlebi - thanks for being upfront about it.
  • Darthblader - I read that as Darth Bladder and cringed.
  • MikeB4u - honest about his egotism, I guess.
  • Characterwanted - just what I wanted, a man without character.
  • Roughhands529 - thanks for the warning.
  • Bethbrian - threesome anyone?
  • Callmemisterbig - are you bragging, or just into Manolo Blahniks?
  • Loseofwords - if that was supposed to be "loss", you're right.
  • Allnigtflyer - hey, don't promise what you can't deliver. Unless you're maybe a bat.
  • Uglyduck47 - and he didn't provide a photo. Poor guy.
  • Skiier_Wanted - do you want a whole relationship, or someone who fits one small part of your life?
  • Urbdyisawndrland - oh, come on! Empty flattery will get you nowhere.
  • Poorjohn69honey - run, ladies, run.
(All these ids can be located on Match.com.)

Funniest thing - I mined some past "match" emails for some names, then decided to go to the website and search, and see if I could find more good ones I could make fun of. When the photos came up, I was amazed! Hey, good looking guys! Lots better than the guys they'd been sending me. Wow! Yummy!

Then I discovered I'd accidentally searched as "man looking for man". Oops. Never mind. Gorgeousness explained.
.

2 comments:

Becs said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding me why I gave up on this stuff a gazillion years ago.

I got a promising email from one guy (a gazillion years ago) and we talked on the phone. I said, "Your email was so nice."

He said, "What did I say? I must have been really stoned."

I said, "Bye."

Chris said...

I have absolutely no comment after reading all of these. Freaking hilarious.