1080 Bad Stuff Goin' 'Round

Friday, January 19, 2007

Third Thursday dinner was last night. There was FirstWoman, The Ditz, and me. It was very uncomfortable, because I had decided last month that if The Ditz annoyed me I wasn't going to hide it any more, and First Woman has actually gotten so upset by The Ditz in the past that she has walked out.

So FirstWoman and I tiptoed around, and were quick to stop subjects, change subjects, and generally keep it on the level of ... well, the longest lasting subject was whether the restaurant would accept an expired coupon, second longest was the series of name-changes the restaurant has endured.

That's harder work than real conversations.

Roman arrived late, after we'd finished eating. He had called me earlier in the evening to say that he'd be late, he was driving up from LI, having been there for a few days tending to his parents, so I should save his seat, and I told him that no matter how late he was, I'd wait.

I'm a bit hesitant to tell what actually happened, it's his story, not mine, but this is my diary, and there is exactly one person in the entire world who reads this and knows who he is, but she has met him only once, so for my own record, I'll continue.

His parents have been alternately in and out of the hospital a lot lately. Both have several serious problems. The past week, both have been hospitalized, both critical, in two different hospitals. Roman and his sister have been alternating visiting them, and meeting with financial planners, lawyers, insurance reps, etc, trying to get control of everything that has to be handled.

I think Roman returned last night just because of Third Thursday.

The dinner group meets at 6:30. I expected him to arrive by 7 at the latest. I'm not sure what time he arrived, but it was well after 7:30, I think. I was beginning to get really worried.

He had called me at 4:40 from the LI Expressway. (When I told the ladies that he'd be late, The Ditz brightened and asked, "Oh? Exactly where on the Expressway?" I stared at her for about three beats, and said, "I . Don't. Know. Was it important?" She actually flinched from the look on my face.) He said that his father had been very aware that afternoon, and seemed lots better. I found that ominous, given the way his father had been for so long. There is often a huge rally before a final crash. It's like they know.

When he arrived at the restaurant, he said that his sister had called him on the road, and told him that the hospital had called her, that their father had died.

Roman said he was late because he "had to make a detour" on the way. (I assume that he had stopped at "the girlfriend's" house, and then came to dinner.) He poked me and said "And you, as usual, your cell phone is off."

I felt very guilty. He knew I'd be sitting there waiting for him. If he'd been able to call, if my phone had been on, would he have skipped dinner? Would he have turned around and gone back to LI? By then I was getting worried enough to have called him, but if he had been at the girlfriend's house during that excess time, he wouldn't have answered anyway (he has me permanently on vibrate). So I feel guilty that I "dragged" him to the restaurant.

But then again, he was hungry (she didn't feed him?), and he did eat.

The Ditz left (by the way, she left her expired coupon, and only enough money to cover if the coupon was honored. I had to add a few dollars), and then after Roman finished eating, FirstWoman left. I had hoped we'd be able to talk, but he was very distracted, and we talked only a little. He'd have to tell his mother today. He doesn't expect her to live more than a few weeks, since he figures the only thing keeping her alive is the necessity of taking care of his father. She got a pacemaker last week, but her pulse is still very slow, and her kidneys are seriously failing. The doctors have recommended dialysis, but she has refused. So.

I can only hope he keeps me informed. I worry.

I talked on the phone with Piper today, first time I've heard from him since just after Christmas (well, except for a form letter from his office with "Call me" handwritten on the bottom.) He's had all kinds of family problems, and January is a very busy month. He's going to Las Vegas to speak at a convention next week, so we're going to have lunch on Monday. He told me today that he's been back and forth to Florida, his beloved mother is failing, and she's scheduled for some surgery plus a pacemaker next week. He's worried about being in Las Vegas during her surgery, but he's got several sisters in Florida who will hold down the fort.

So. Sigh.
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