1071 Chi1dren's Fund

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I was about to go to bed, and glanced up at the TV, and there was a commercial on for Chris1ian Chi1drens' Fund, and I had to, again, fight down the urge. They have a very good reputation. They have one of the smallest overheads. And come on, it's children!

But I had a very bad experience with them way back when.

When Daughter was small, we decided to "join up". We requested a girl, in Africa if possible, about Daughter's age if possible. They said that could be arranged, and they hooked us up with a girl of about the right age, in ... Baton Rouge, La. She was African only by heritage. Oh, well.

So we sent our set amount every month for about three years, and everything was fine.

Then we left Ex#2 and moved from Maryland to New York State, in the middle of the summer (early '80s). I had just enough money for a down payment on a small house, but no extra cash. The well pump died within a month of our moving in. The furnace went shortly after. I was starting over, way down on the pay scale. I had to pay for child care. I was really worried about money. It was paycheck to paycheck, and we were scrimping. But we still sent the same amount to C-C-F every month.

Daughter was starting second grade in a new school, and was dismayed that she didn't have the cool fad stuff the other kids had, to fit in, establish her bona fides, but there was no way I could afford stuff like those $150 XXX shoes she "needed", especially not when she'd outgrow them in six months.

Then came Christmas. Daughter got what few gifts I could afford.

And then the Christmas photos arrived from the child in Baton Rouge. The kid was sitting in the middle of a huge pile of toys, including the very doll Daughter wanted, but I couldn't afford, and wearing those exact same $150 XXX shoes that my daughter craved. The furniture in her home was better than ours.

I continued to send the check for the next few months, but it was bugging me. This kid was doing better than my own daughter. She had a stay-at-home mother, while my daughter was spending her time in daycare and I was racking up bills. She was taking all kinds of music and dance lessons. She went to summer camp. She and Daughter corresponded, and Daughter couldn't help but be jealous of all the "stuff" this kid had, the designer name dropping. Photos confirmed that it wasn't mere name dropping.

Then my washing machine died, and I decided that maybe I should back up and take care of my own home and my own child first.

I wrote to C-C-F and explained that I was newly divorced, and having a hard time, and I would be unable to continue, that this was the last check I could send. That perhaps in the future, when I was back on my feet, I would try again.

Uh uh. There was no way they were letting me go! They badgered me by phone and mail constantly for the next few weeks, and then a couple times a month for the next YEAR! They tried guilt, anger, guilt again, innocence ... they didn't let up even when I asked if I could maybe get my daughter on their beneficiary list, since I suspected that a lot of their kids were better off than we were! They didn't quit until I mentioned harassment, and even then it took a while to taper off.

So that's why I fight off the commercials. I don't want to get into that guilt trap again. I give a lot, to a lot of charities, but as soon as they start acting like they're entitled to a donation, they don't get another for a while.

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Habitat is starting to annoy me. I got a call yesterday, asking for $200. "Well, you sent $200 last time, so perhaps you could send the same for this drive?"

Hey, folks, "last time" was just two months ago. BACK OFF! You won't get another dime from me until I haven't heard from you for six months.

Jay's father contributes a lot. He's probably on everybody's list. That bad part is that the more you send, the more often they ask, and when the donor is getting up in age, sometimes they forget that they already donated. Jay's sister, when she took over management of the old man's mail and money, was horrified to find that certain charities were sending request letters at the rate of one a week, and Dad was sending checks almost as often. He'd forget that he had already sent them a check. They sure didn't forget.

By the way, watch out for those cancer associations that pretend to be the American Cancer Society. If you read the small print, all the donation is used for is "informational materials". In other words, they print up little one-page "go get a mammogram" or whatever fliers that they put on the public info tables in a few libraries, and they keep the rest of the money.
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