982 Flirtations

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I got exactly what I needed last weekend to pull me out of the funk I was in - a little male admiration. It doesn't take much to cheer me up. A little will do. And coming from four different directions helped a whole lot.

The Officer - stare and smile.

Within an hour of my arrival at the gath3ring I noticed "The Officer" (TO). He was average height, very broad shoulders with small hips, strong face and nose, piercing eyes, shaved head, heavy cotton long-sleeved shirt, military bearing. (By military bearing I mean upright posture and a certain "definiteness" of movement.) No rings.

Yummy.

I'm not very good at judging age at all. I'd have put him at maybe early fifties. His face was lined, but with no sag.

I couldn't stop looking at him. He was sooooo nice to look at. I wanted to crawl onto his lap and curl up against that strong chest. (Well, not really. What I really wanted to do was hit him over the head, and drag him out behind a bush somewhere.)

I sat at his table, a few seats away, and learned that he was a national board officer. (Each gath3ring is supposed to have a national and a regional officer in attendance. Many don't.) He was explaining his duties. A little later, I got up to go to a presentation. He got up too, heading for one of the game rooms. We walked together for a short distance, and spoke about three sentences before he peeled off.

I didn't hear much of the presentation. I was mulling over what I could do, what I could say. I really wanted to get to know him better. I am absolutely no good at small talk. If I meet a stranger, we'll sit there in silence until the other speaks. If the other person is willing to initiate topics, I can participate. I hear I'm good at conversation, but only with the other person's lead. From just that few minutes at the table, it appeared to me that he was a bit shy, too.

Worse, I don't know how to flirt. I seem incapable of letting a guy know I'm interested. Over and over there have been guys (high school, college, coworkers, even Jay!) that I had unrequited crushes on, and years later we'd be talking, and I'd say something about it, and they'd be shocked. Over and over I've heard "Wow! I liked you, too, but I never thought you would be interested. Never thought I could ever get anywhere with you." Even with Jay, people thought we were having an affair literally years before WE found out how the other felt. I just can't seem to convey interest, availability. I think I'm flirting with a guy, and I think I'm doing just fine, and then some other woman comes up and hangs all over him, and I'm left sitting there alone. I don't know how to "get" a guy. I refuse to drape myself all over them. I don't invite touching, I guess.

So, I'm sitting in the presentation wondering how to show interest. Small talk's out. Attaching myself to his body is out. Then I remembered a TV show where they were teaching some women how to flirt (yeah, I taped it!) and they said that the way to indicate interest in a crowded club was to stare at a guy for 10 seconds. A long time, but count it off, no less than 10 seconds. If he looks away, stop counting, but keep staring, and eventually he'll look again to see if you're still looking. In the last two seconds, give him a smile that crinkles your eyes, and glance down and away. If he's available, and if you look anything like his type, he'll come over.

So, for the rest of Friday night, and all day Saturday, any time he was in the vicinity, I looked and smiled at him. (Just one 10-second one. The rest were long or short glances.) If we passed each other, I looked into his eyes with a small welcoming smile the whole time we were walking toward each other. He was smiling back. When I'd look over at him, I'd find him already looking at me. A lot of eye contact. Anyone seeing us would think we were passing silent coded messages. By 9 pm Saturday evening, when the open bar and karaoke started, I was getting frustrated. Ok, he knows I think he's pretty, and he must think I look ok, so what next?

At one point, two guys were singing "I'm an A55hole", and doing a very good job of it. I'd never heard the song before, and I was leaning on the brass rail between the floor levels laughing, when he leaned on the rail next to me, to my right, elbow barely touching mine, and asked what I thought of it. We passed another few sentences, and then I turned back to watch the show. Now, I figured the neat thing to do would be to take my left arm off the rail, turn slightly, and lean back against his shoulder. Body contact, but subtle. So I did it, and almost fell backward. He was gone.

Bleck!

A few minutes later he was sitting at a table, talking to a couple who were from his local group, and legends in the society (I was at their Rennaissance-themed wedding, 20 years ago, and attended some of their anniversary parties). I sat directly across the table from TO (a distance of about 5 feet), and joined the conversation. This time, he initiated most of the glancing and smiling. Now, most of the time Friday and Saturday he had been in and out, visiting various activities, fulfilling his national responsibilities, but this evening he sat there for three solid hours, talking to the same people. Unusual. The glances and smiles were getting hot and heavy, near to smoldering. And then suddenly, about midnight I guess, he stood up and left without a word to anybody. I figured he'd be back, but he hadn't returned by 3 am, when I went to bed.

I decided that come hell or high water, I was going to sit next to him at Sunday breakfast, and I was going to talk with him!

Didn't see him at all Sunday. He must have gone home Saturday night or early Sunday.

When I got home I looked him up on the internet.

He's 64. I'm gonna revise my age limit upward. 64 can be very sexy.

Either he's married, or the daughter who lives with him was born when he was 8. Or it's his sister, who happened to have a different maiden name and now has the same last name. Yeah, sure, that's the ticket.

Fooey.

The Kid - Wherein I can't help but wonder what he wants.

Ok, 42 isn't a kid, but close enough. That's 20 years younger than I. He could be MY kid. During the conversation he said he doesn't discuss ages, that he's "on the cusp" of baby boomer and gen-x and comfortable with both. I found out his age when I got home and looked him up on the internet. He told me he writes music, but according to what I found, that's a hobby - he's got an impressive resume in advertising. Or something like that. I forget. But what I found did surprise me.

Average height, thin, pleasant face, dark hair. He has a very unusual name. Seems like a nice guy.

Another case of trading glances, mostly on his part. He was next to me in the Saturday lunch line and struck up a conversation. Later, in the evening, when I was sitting across the table from The Officer, he sat next to me, and really concentrated on me. For the next six hours. For three of those hours, I was flirting across the table with The Officer, and The Kid either didn't notice or ignored it. We talked about everything under the sun, (but now I realize there was no personal info) and laughed a lot. He said that he had seen me at the Orlando gath3ring. After I got home, I realized he was the guy who chatted me up in the whirlpool spa at the Orlando gath3ring one evening. Made me feel good then, too, even though I wondered what he wanted then, too.

When at 3 am I announced I was tired and going to my room, there was an awkward pause. It would have been the time for an invitation. But I don't "do" casual. Sorry fella.

We traded email addresses. He's going to be at a few of the gatherings I intend to attend within the next four months. This could get interesting. If I'm not careful it could get beyond casual.

I don't know whether I want to take it any further than conversation.

The Un3xploded C0w - wherein I am not as I first appear.

I went to a Saturday presentation on "Meta-Forms", a logic teaching tool for children. We learned how to "play" it. There were five people at my table. The guy next to me was dark-haired, maybe late 40s, wearing a t-shirt and a kilt. Nice legs.

He and I picked it up very quickly. The other three people at our table seemed confused. As we went up in complexity, he and I were racing each other, then explaining it to the others. He was impressed. We started working them together, and he challenged me to compete in the Meta-Forms tournament that evening. (They changed the time of the tournament, and it overlapped dinner, so I couldn't go.)

After dinner, along with the Karaoke and open bar, there was a costume competition. The theme was "games". You were to come as a game or toy theme. There was a woman wearing an 8-ball costume, and if you shook her up and asked a question, she'd choose a random answer on her chest. Another woman was all in red, as Miss Scarlet (I think - I don't really know the game) from Clue. (I thought she was rather unimaginative - just an opportunity to wear a tight sexy dress, like those women who always show up in body suits with animal ears.) A small group came as Monopoly pieces, and there were a few video game robots and warriors.

The very best, however, was The Un3xploded Cow, from the game of the same name (click for synopsis - it's a funny proposition).

My kilted Meta-Forms friend arrived in a black and white cow suit (rather like footed pajamas, with a zipper up the back and a hood with horns and ears). He had a magnet attached to one foot, and a metal bomb, complete with fins, that latched onto him every time he kicked it away. The concept itself was funny enough, but it was funnier because the cow suit was a "G0th Milk" costume. (He didn't wear the nose - instead he wore white makeup, black eye liner, black lipstick, and a ring in his nose). Please do click through to the costume photo. Note the pierced ears and tail, and the pierced and chained teats that stick straight out. The writing on the chest of his suit was much smaller than in this photo.

I had purchased a copy of the Meta-Forms set, and The Kid and I were working some of them when The Un3xploded Cow (TUC) arrived. He reached between us and moved some of the pieces. I turned, and saw the teats right at face level, from the side. A startling view! I laughed and turned red. Every so often, he'd come by and move some more pieces. I'd never heard of the cow game, so he explained it to me.

I'm still smoking, so every so often I'd go across the hall and outside for a cigarette. TUC smoked, too, and pretty soon I noticed that every time I went out, he did too. We chatted. I wasn't very encouraging, because I noticed that every "two blue dots" woman (see prior entry) in the place rubbed against him at least once. Ok. He's a player? I'm not interested. Even though he sang (karaoke) several times, and was really good.

Late in the evening, we're outside again, and I noticed that one of his teats had lost its ring. The ring was dangling from its chain and that teat was drooping, no longer ... um ... erect. I pointed it out to him, and tried to reattach the ring, but the threads were broken. He took the ring and slipped it over the teat down to its base. A few minutes later, I pointed to the teat and said "It didn't work. It's still flacid."

You know, he didn't get it for two beats. I don't think he expected that from me. I have often been told that I can come across as a prude. When he got it he roared. He reached out and looked at my badge, and said "No dots?" I said "I'm a tease", and he did exactly the right thing. He stepped back, opened his arms, and said "Come in to me." So, of course, I did.

I got thoroughly hugged. All over. For a long time. By a cow wearing black lipstick and a nose ring. And a bomb attached to his foot.

When we stepped apart, all four teats were flattened. We both looked down, and I laughed and said that I was sorry I'd had such a negative effect. He said, no, quite the contrary, there's been a definite positive effect. "This udder acts like a cup." He excused himself to go to the men's room, where he anticipated a struggle with the zipper up the back of the suit. I did not volunteer to help.

He left about an hour later, during which time I did not go out for another cigarette.

The Big Guy - With whom I did not want to play.

There was a very large guy who, every time I passed, followed me with his eyes and if I looked his way, patted the seat next to him and invited me to sit. I mostly did, and we talked a little, but I didn't want to encourage play. It was still nice to be noticed, though. Flattering.

Enthusiasm

There are gath3rings within 250 miles of here every other weekend (except around Christmas) from now until April. I think I'm going to start attending more of them. Maybe all of them.