879 Booker

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

One question sorta answered - when I brought up AOL this morning, all my email was there, including an email from AOL saying that AOL 9.0 had been successfully downloaded. Huh? When? Oh, well, my mail's back.

I met "Booker" yesterday. We'd been emailing for about two months now, since he found my profile on one of the dating sites and contacted me. He lives about 100 miles away, and normally I'd just say "Thank you, I'm flattered, but you're too far away", but I was impressed with his intelligence, wit, and cheerfulness. He's very well read. Even though the distance makes a naturally developing friendship difficult, I wanted to meet him.

We agreed that it was time to meet about three weeks or more ago, but it seemed like things kept coming up to put it off. Yesterday was the time. We met in Stockbridge, which was about halfway.

He has a handsome face, marvelous eyes. Speaks well, both amusing and serious. Emotionally in touch with himself. Positive outlook. Soft spot in his heart for animals. All the good stuff. Didn't attempt excess familiarity (i.e., didn't touch me, until we were parting, and then he politely asked for a hug. I approve. The guy last week grabbed me.)

However (why is there always a "however"?) he seems to have something seriously wrong with his back, or hips, or legs. He does not walk smoothly. He was wearing very baggy cargo pants, so I wasn't able to get any idea of what might be going on in there, but he was bent over and his feet looked swollen. Sitting at a table looking at him, everything is fine. Moving, not so. This does not bode well. Most of what I like to do involves a lot walking or standing.

I'm almost ashamed to say this, but I don't want to be someone's long-term-care plan. If I were to fall in love with a man, and after a few good years something awful happens, then I would of course take care of him. Lovingly. That's what happened with Jay. I've done that. I don't regret having married him. But I want those few good years first.

I suspect that's why "the other woman" keeps Roman on a string, even though she doesn't completely appreciate him. He's her long term care plan. And I think he knows that, and accepts it. I don't think he knows what he's getting into, because when it gets to where she needs him enough to let him in entirely, she won't be the same person he knows now. But in the meantime, he feels virtuous (and gets the approval he needs).

So, I feel guilty that I'm not so altruistic. I don't know what to do with Booker. I guess maybe I should find out exactly what his health situation is, but right now I suspect that it, combined with the distance, is simply more than I want to consider.

I had planned to go to the Maritime Museum today and finish those phone calls, but I've got some desk stuff I've got to do, so maybe I'll put off the museum until tomorrow.

Right now I'm feeling a little depressed. Maybe discouraged is a better word.