Last time I visited Daughter, she gave me a book, The Book of Questions, by Gregory Stock, Ph.D., Workman Publishing Company, Inc., $6.95, saying that it was not something they were into, but that I might like it. I do! It's full of questions you can use to explore your own feelings and attitudes, or to spark a discussion with others. I've decided I'm going to go through the book periodically, and answer the questions here. I invite readers to comment, not so much on my responses, but with your responses - and simple yes or no won't do. Elaborate. (I'm hoping I can get around the copyright restrictions by recommending that, if you like the idea too, you should buy the book. Get yourself all the questions at once.)
1. For a person you loved deeply, would you be willing to move to a distant country knowing there would be little chance of seeing your friends or family again?
Yes. No hesitation. Maybe a few decades ago this would have been a more difficult question, but with international post, telephones, radiophones, and the internet I could still keep some contact. There are internet cafes even in Ulan Bator, for Pete's sake! Seeing and touching them is not as important as knowing that they are ok, and that they have love of their own. If they're not ok, note that the question says "little chance", not "no chance". I'm sure I would have periods of sadness and longing, but for love I would do it.
2. Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a remote house that is supposedly haunted?
This is two questions. I do believe in a persistence of energy, but not necessarily the way that most people think when they hear "ghost" or "evil spirit". My belief is quite different. Incidentally, I DID see what I believe to be a conventional ghost once, in Wales, and I don't know how to fit that into my belief system! As to the haunted house, I would have no problem with spending a night there. Even if there are ghosts, and even if the house is haunted, I still believe that they cannot harm me except through fear, and therefore there's nothing to be afraid of.
3. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
I learned a long time ago to tell everyone everything I wanted them to hear, at every opportunity. I can't think of anyone I love who doesn't know I love them, anyone I like or appreciate who doesn't know I like them, and exactly how much. If they don't know, it's because they weren't listening.
So it comes down to mundane stuff, like that I have some rare and valuable things scattered around here that Daughter may not recognize as such, and just throw out or give away with the rest of the trash. I doubt that she'd care, but I'd feel bad that the age and history and rarity of the item was not respected. That would be a pity. A loss to the world. Maybe I should stick little red tags on them or something.... Why not yet? Lazy. And I'm not planning to die for a while.
4. If you could spend one year in perfect happiness but afterward would remember nothing of the experience would you do so? If not, why not?
I can't think of a single reason not to say yes. Maybe it would mean giving up all memory of a year of my life, that isn't clear, but, gee, I wouldn't miss it, right? I know I had at least two years of almost perfect happiness with Jay, between the year of unemployment and the diagnosis, and now, ten years later, all I have left is the knowledge that they happened. I don't retain the actual feeling of that time. Not being able to recapture that feeling is certainly no reason not to have had the experience.
Some of these questions have a follow-up question in the back of the book, and this is one of them. The follow-up is: Which is more important: actual experiences or the memories that remain when the experiences are over? I'm not sure. But I have such a terrible memory anyway. Everything tends to get colored by subsequent experiences. Then again, looking at it logically, you wouldn't have the memories without having had the experience, therefore the experience must be more important, even if sometimes you don't retain the memory. Chicken/egg thing.
These early questions seem fairly easy. I've been flipping through the book, and some of the later ones get harder. I'm going to do them in order anyway.
Of course, I reserve the right to change my answers at any time.
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