Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Ballroom dance class this evening. I'm so frustrated by the whole topic.
I have never learned to dance, not really. Our parents never made any effort toward socializing us, and I went to a tiny high school in the middle of nowhere. We never had any dances, other than the prom, and everybody lived too far apart to just hang out and dance. We'd go to Manny's, occasionally, where there was a jukebox, but mostly we just sat around and listened to the music. Farm/mountain boys don't dance a lot. At the Russian hall we did folk dances and polkas.
In college there were weekly dances at the Husky Lounge, but I wasn't dating, and so I didn't dance much. The Twist was easy, and the Madison, and a few other mass dances. With my left/right learning disability, it was impossible for me to simply watch people and then do what they do. Still is.
I met Ex#1 at a college dance, but I don't think we ever actually danced. He was drafted during my senior year, we were married a few days after I graduated, he went to Germany and I went to a teaching job in Gettysburg, and for the next three years we were together only when he was on leave, and we never danced.
Between Ex#1 and Ex#2 I dated Amadeo. Amadeo was a dancer. The Cha Cha and Mambo were big. Also, Amadeo was short, just my size. He was a strong lead, and I learned with him. I was confident on the dance floor for the first time ever. We cleared the floor once in a club in New Haven, doing a combination Swing/Cha Cha. People cheered and clapped, and the band kept playing until we quit ourselves. I think back on that now, and can hardly believe it happened.
Then I married Ex#2. He didn't dance. Period.
In my 30s I took up Mid-Eastern dance, on the advice of my chiropractor, to help strengthen my back. That's when I learned something I didn't know - I not only have no sense of rhythm, I can't hear the beat! In Mid-Eastern dance, there are only a few common rhythms, and they are quite different. But even after 30 years and thousands of hours of listening and dancing, I still can't tell them apart. Well, I usually recognize a beladi (dum dum tek-a-tek dum tek-a-tek tek-a), but sometimes I confuse it with saidi (dum tek tek-a-dum dum tek-a-tek tek-a). The only one I consistently recognize is the ayub, or zar, which has a unique bouncing sound (dum, ka dum tek), but half the time I can't remember what it's called.
I was good, back when I was slender and muscular, and could do the floorwork. Not so good with the fast stuff, I could easily get off the beat, but with the slow, I hear I was the epitome of sensual. (Kashalamar was my rhythm. Too bad I didn't recognize it half the time.) I stopped dancing shortly after moving from Washington to here, in 1983, and didn't get back to it until 2005ish.
Jay was a competitive ballroom dancer, with trophies and everything, before he moved from Texas to here. When we were dating, we tried dancing once - a polka - and it was such a disaster we never danced again. He didn't seem to miss it. Without a club here, it just didn't come up, I guess. Maybe the Asperger's?
So here I am. Until New Year's Eve, I hadn't danced, "out", in public, in more than 20 years, and now I want to. I am extremely shy about dancing. I always feel so clumsy. I don't know what to do. I watch kids now, and I can't figure out what they're doing. It looks like they're just jumping up and down, and I can't (won't!) do that.
On New Year's Eve, I did my own thing, and several women told me that I move beautifully. I have graceful arms, and lots of smooth hip action, but my feet kind of get lost. In the ballroom dance class, several women said that I look so graceful, "you float". Complete strangers. I got an email from someone who had been at the dance at the Mensa gathering - I didn't go to the dance floor, but I did move to the music standing next to the table - and he said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, and I hope it doesn't come across as inappropriate, but you are one amazing dancer. I couldn't keep my eyes off you when you were moving to the music. I love to dance, but don't know many women who enjoy it. At our age, a lot of them have settled into a boring life and don't like doing anything physically exerting."
Wow. I'm impressed with me! (The "at our age" was a bonus. I think he's in his mid-forties.)
So, there's some possibility there. I've got something I should be able to work with.
The ballroom dance class was supposed to give me some "ah, so this is what you do with your feet", which can be modified to fit what's actually going on.
'Tain't working. It's destroying what little confidence I'd acquired over the past few months.
First off, I can't "hear" the beat. I can't tell a waltz from a rumba. I can't figure out how fast or slow you're supposed to go. It all sounds the same to me. I can't make my feet do what they're supposed to do. It's all a mixed up mish-mash. I can't even maintain an ordinary vanilla box step.
Maybe it would help if I had a strong partner. There is one guy in the class who came with his wife, but she broke her arm and is sitting out, so he has decided he's MY partner, and he's awful. He doesn't telegraph at all, and just changes direction suddenly, tromping all over me. Worse than no partner at all. Which is the alternative....
I don't know whether to keep going or not. I was just starting to feel hopeful and courageous about getting out on a dance floor, and this class is chewing away at that.
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