Dean Koontz, The Face: The hero wants to arrest a motivational speaker
on charges of felony cliché and practicing philosophy without an idea.
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Jasper gets canned food once a week, on Sunday. Last weekend I somehow decided Saturday was Sunday, and gave it to him a day early. Today he is pestering me, underfoot constantly and biting my ankles when I sit down. I guess he knows it's Saturday because of the different noise patterns outside.
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Last Monday evening I watched Antiques Roadshow. After that, something came on named Market Warriors. I didn't watch the first half, but I gather it went something like this: four people were turned loose in one of those antiques dealers' halls, where there are many stalls with dealers selling stuff. The four were given assignments to buy things fitting certain criteria, like advertising prior to 1970, "smalls", toys, and so on, and then the items they chose for each criteria would be put up for auction and the winner would be the one who made the most profit.
When I figured out that's what was going on, I about cracked up. You don't buy things from an antique dealer, then sell it at auction! NO! WAY! Dealers buy things at auction, and then mark them up by like 100%.
There's only one way to have any hope of not losing money.
First you research the auction. Who's attending? Dealers? Homeowners? Collectors? Decorators? And about how many of each? You're not making money selling to dealers or collectors at auction, since they know exactly what an item will sell for in a shop (shoppe!) and won't pay more than that. Homeowners are looking for yard sale prices, things that work, or particular decorator pieces. Your best bet is a room full of decorators. Big city professional decorators will buy almost anything at almost any price, since they usually have a decor or two in mind, so if they see something currently in fashion, they'll just wrap words around the item and can charge their customer whatever it cost. They don't have to worry about it taking up room until they can sell it. And even then, you'll need at least four or more bidding against each other.
If you find an auction that decorators attend, next you check out some decorating magazines. What's hot? Cast iron lawn furniture is always good, beat up chests and cabinets with multiple layers of chipped and worn paint, that sort of thing. What's big this year?
If you have to make do with an auction hall full of collectors, dealers, or ordinary civilians, you have little hope of turning a profit on anything you bought from a dealer. Kitschy is your best bet - stuff with little real value, but it's cute and appealing.
AFTER you find out who will be at the auction, then you select things to sell. You are still doomed to failure if you buy from a dealer who knows what they've got. Instead, shop yard sales, and little "junk" shops off on the side roads.
Our four shoppers had no idea what the bidders were likely to be looking for. I was shocked that there were so very few people attending the auction, although there were some phone-in bids, too. It went about as I figured it would. Only a few people bid on each item. The "contestants" had in many cases bargained the shop owner down from his or her original asking price, which they took pride in, but at auction they got much less.
Duh. No kidding.
The only thing that sold for more than the guy had paid for it was a wooden rocking horse that wasn't even the antique he'd thought it was, but it was pretty. Pouf decor item.
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I had an interesting experience this week. I bought a necklace on Etsy. The seller seemed to think it was a "vintage" "Bedouin" necklace with "coral, turquoise, and silver". Well, I knew by looking at the photo that it was not old, or real Bedouin, or silver, and that although there were some coral and turquoise nuggets strung among the beads, most of it was glass - it's a tourist trap piece. But it would look very nice with one of my caftans, and it was cheap, like $20, with free shipping. The seller was in the Netherlands. The necklace arrived packed in bubble wrap in a flattish metal box inside a padded envelope.
I could have thrown the box away. Daughter certainly would have immediately, without a second thought. But I got curious as to what it was. I looked it up on the internet. It's a Belgian cigar box from the 1950s without a dent, scratch, stain, or spot of rust on it. Ones like it in much worse condition are listed on collectors' sites at $60-$100.
(Hmmmm. Obviously the seller of the necklace knows nothing about what she has, good or bad. Quick! Buy something else from her!)
I have this guilty feeling, like that I should alert her. Then again, I want to buy more from her to see what it might arrive in.
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