3391 My door

Thursday, November 10, 2011

"I am never gratuitously rude. My rudeness is carefully calibrated to the stupidity
and obtuseness of the people I am dealing with."
-- Adam Carr --

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I wish they had a "Do not call" registry for front doors. I'm getting tired of people knocking on my door and trying to sell me stuff - always with the "gotta sign up now or lose the discount" line. I may have to print out and put up my sign. I had this sign posted on the door at the old house, and it was very effective:

If you are not here by invitation
Please
Read before ringing doorbell

Grizzly bear within. Hibernation times are not regular. Disturbing at the wrong time for the wrong reason can result in great bodily harm, not to mention a bad mood.

Sales folks
Mail us something. Thanks. G’bye.

Package delivery
If you need a signature, ring bell.
If you do not need a signature, leave package at door.

Kids collecting for school, scouts, sports
Ring bell. (Bears like kids. They are delicious.)

Political folks
Mail us something. Thanks. G’bye.

Religious folks
I’m sure you are very nice people doing what you think is right. You make nice neighbors. But we are quite happy with our choice of belief, and rather resent your assumption that it’s not good enough. Please do not disturb. Thank you.

It worked just fine until I missed out on Girl Scout cookies one year, because the little girl I usually buy them from was afraid of the bear ... as her father the Hairless Hunk laughingly reported to me later.

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"Several teachers at Lindsay Thurber High School in Red Deer, Alberta, reacted to a bomb-threat note found in a classroom by sending students out to search lockers to find the bomb, with one teacher offering extra credit to the one who brought it in." From Leland Gregory's book, Hey, Idiot! : Chronicles of Human Stupidity, 200+ pages to dip into when you feel that you need an image lift.

A little research uncovered the fact that the Red Deer high school gets a few bomb threats per year, all of which have so far proven groundless. The little rural elementary school a half mile from my old house in the Mid-Hudson Valley always got a few bomb phone calls per year, almost always on beautiful spring mornings. It usually resulted in cancellation of the rest of the school day while the cops scoured the building.

Neighbors suspected teachers, not students.
.