Wednesday, September 29, 2010

3108 Thinking about it

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

All that we are is a result of what we have thought.
-- found in a Chinese fortune cookie --


The above quote is very deep. I thought about it a long time. It's not what has happened to you in your life, not what people may have done to or for you, not your experiences that make you what you are, it really is what you thought about it all, and how you continue to think about it. That's what makes you who and what you are.

You can't change the experience, but if it's a problem for you, you can change how you think about it.

For example, for more than half of my life, I was damaged by the viciousness and violence of my father, and the lack of care from my mother. I thought his anger and her complicity were somehow my fault, that if I were "better" somehow, that would fix it. I felt responsible for everything.

It wasn't until I realized that my parents, especially my father, were flat-out SICK, that I was able to see myself as I actually am - an intelligent, useful, nice person.

I'm ok. My father was sick. His view of me, of all of us, was warped, and he had no right to impose it on us, but it was his sickness that made him do it.

Simply changing how I thought about it made all the difference in the world. Now instead of anger toward him I feel sympathy. It must have sucked to be him.

1 comment:

Becs said...

It was hard, but one of my shrinks pointed out my grandfather's perversion also made him a prisoner. I don't forgive him but I understand him a little better.