2634 Memory, or lack thereof

Saturday, October 24, 2009

"Most men ... were competent in groups that mimicked the playground,

incompetent in groups that mimicked the family;

that was why all-male committees ran the most smoothly."

-- Jane Smiley, Moo --

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 Donna in AL, in a comment on my answer to her question, asks if I have a photographic memory.

The question cracked me up for two reasons.

I do have some serious deficits, and of them all, memory is the greatest.  I have next to no memory.  I can't remember names, dates, formulas, facts, anything that isn't imprinted on my body (as in "happened to me") as opposed to my mind.  My mind doesn't imprint.  It's like I'm missing some of the hooks to hang things on in my head.  In fact, that may be the reason I am good at pattern recognition and logic - it's a survival thing.  I had to replace memory with something, or I'd have been in an institution for the totally incapable long ago.

I'm not exaggerating.  I have actually, when under stress, been in the car and couldn't remember how to turn it off.  I had to literally figure it out logically.**  I have forgotten my daughter's name, and I named her!  She is often annoyed with me because I can't remember her friend's names, and she interprets that as not caring.  I carried notebooks around with me when I worked, documenting conversations, commitments, and organizational charts.  Otherwise I would not have been able to remember my manager's name.

I forget words.  I have a vast vocabulary, but every so often I can't remember the simplest words.  In conversation, I am often grasping for words.  The concept is in my mind, but I can't find the word for it, or I use the wrong word.  I often come across as rather stupid.  Certainly rather mentally slow.

I can't discuss books, because although I used to read voraciously, 10 or more books a month, I retained only concepts.  Not the title, author, or characters.  There are a few thousand books on bookshelves around the house, and if anyone pulls one out and asks, "Is this any good?", I have to answer, "I don't know.  It must be, because it's there."  I keep books I enjoy because one day I can reread them, and enjoy them all over again, because they'll likely be entirely new to me.  Or at least, because I'm a different person now than during the first reading, I'll get different ideas from them.

I was terrible in languages (French and Latin) and history in school, because it required memory.  I got good grades, but it was extremely difficult.  I ended up majoring in math because it was not necessary to remember anything.  When I needed the quadratic formula, or geometric theorems, or trigonometric relationships, I simply derived them anew, logically, on the spot.  Logic filled in for memory.

So no, I don't have a photographic memory.

That's one of the things that fascinates me about The Man.  He can hear a song once, or a lecture, or a comedic skit, and repeat it years later, word for word.  He notices and remembers everything that happens around him.  We'll go to a restaurant, and afterward he knows the name of every waitress that worked near our table.  Months later, we'll go to the same restaurant, and he'll address our waitress by name, before she even introduces herself.  In the same way that logic compensates for my poor memory, I think his auditory memory and environmental awareness compensates for his poor reading skills.  He says he reads painfully slowly (Jay did too!), and avoids reading if he can. That's not his only mental skill, by the way.  I think I'm better at pure logic than he, but he's FAST!

The other reason the idea of a photographic memory amused me goes back to around sixth grade.  There was a kid about my age in the neighborhood who had the classic photographic memory.  He could flip through a book without reading it, and then parrot back everything in the book, line by line.  Teachers loved him and held him up to the rest of us as something to admire, to aspire to.  My mother had noticed my poor memory by then, and she constantly compared me to him and found me lacking.  "Why can't you be more like him?  Apply yourself!  Work harder!"

We kids all knew he was an idiot.  He couldn't figure anything out if he hadn't seen the answer in a book.  He didn't even have any opinions!  If he'd read that 2+3=5, he knew that.  But 3+2=? would confuse him, even if he had read that the order of addends doesn't matter.  (Stupid example, but you know what I mean.  The point being that he wouldn't have known what I mean.  He couldn't put two concepts together to create a new idea, and I doubt that it even occurred to him that it was possible.)

All the adults thought he was wonderful, so all us kids hated him.

He's been obsoleted by the internet and search engines.  Poor guy.  I wonder what happened to him?  Help desk in a library, perhaps?

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**How to turn off a car.

It stopped moving, but the motor's still running.  What now?  Let's see - what does it require to run?  Gas.  But I'm not giving it gas.  Look at gas pedal.  Hmmm.  It's getting a minimum somehow.  Giving it more just makes it go faster.  How do I cut off the gas?  Examine the dashboard for gas cutoff switch.  Nothing.  Imagine interior of motor.  Spark.  Needs spark.  Electricity.  Electricity makes the gas pump work, too.  Electricity is the key.  Examine dashboard for electric cutoff switch.  Nope.  Imagine disconnecting battery.  Gee, I don't remember doing that ever before....  There's got to be something simpler.  Touch all the dials and buttons and switches I can find.  Nothing.  This is stupid.  I'm going to have to get out and ask someone.  I can't get out and leave it running, it'll get stolen.  Lock doors.  Where's the key?  Oh, here it is.  Remove key so I can lock doors.  Oops.  Wow.  How 'bout that!  I'm gonna have to remember that!  Electricity is the KEY!  KEY, you idiot!
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