#598 Friday Goddess Continued

I walked. It wasn't as warm as promised, but I didn't wear a jacket anyway. Optimism. I may be sorry tomorrow. (Sniffle....)

I forgot to mention a whole bunch of stuff.

The Dark Prince is now sporting a new haircut. His hair had been very long, but I was aware he had recently donated his hair to Locks of Love, so I was looking forward to seeing his new do. He looks absolutely fantastic! It's curly on top and close on the sides, and sexy as all getout. Even the shape of his face is different. If I were The Pixie, I'd fall in love all over again.

Anna, the neighbor whom I was supposed to take to Physical Therapy at an ungodly early hour Tuesday and Thursday of last week, is having some trouble. She wasn't there when I stopped by for her on Tuesday, so I left a note on her door asking her to call me. When she hadn't called by Wednesday evening, I called her. I don't know where she was (the number she gave me must have been a cell phone), but she said her husband had thrown her out, and she was staying at a friend's house. I didn't get any details because she didn't seem to want to talk.

The next day, the Hunk told me that he didn't see how her husband could have thrown her out, since she has a restraining order against him and he isn't allowed anywhere near the house. Apparently, the number of police calls to that address is the talk of the neighborhood. All very strange. I've sat in her kitchen drinking tea, and she, when she talked about her husband, never gave any hint of a problem - like he'd be home from work in a few hours, just like normal. I guess this sort of explains her plan to sell the house and move to wherever her daughter plans to go to college. I couldn't understand that before.

I feel like I should call her again, but on the other hand I don't know her all that well and I am a little bit afraid to get involved. On the third hand, if she has an order against him, he CAN'T throw her out, so maybe she should be urged to call the police. On the fourth hand, she's staying with a friend, and that friend has likely told her that. Round and round. Mainly, I guess, I don't want to get involved in something where I don't know the dangers, and history says she might not tell me. The Hunk implied that the husband is dangerous and violent, with a short fuse. Now I even wonder if her broken wrist was from a fall on the ice, as she'd told me. Maybe I'm proving my Nohari right - I AM aloof.

This isn't gossip, by the way, because you don't know her, there's only one person who might know her who knows this journal even exists (and not even this one, but the previous AOL one), and I don't think he ever reads it. And Anna isn't her real name. I'll even point out, if I have to, that I don't know what the truth is. It's just a story. Something I am thinking about and fussing over right now. I hate to feel like I'm turning my back on her.

#597 Friday Goddess

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Kenneth W. Sollitt: That which one man receives without working for, another man works for without receiving. (No connection to what follows....)

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I didn't walk yesterday because although it was near 70 degrees out, there was a stiff wind, and black clouds rolling in. It never did rain, but the threat was too real. So instead, I did three rounds on the machines instead of my usual two, and followed that with 20 crunches.

I went to the Goddess Festival in Woodstock, and met up with The Gypsy, The Pixie, The Dark Prince, and a few other people I hadn't seen in at least two months. They all complimented the weight loss, which was nice. I'm losing so slowly that people who see me more than once a month don't notice. The drummers and dancers were very good - Perizad's group's basket dance is a lot of fun. I hope they always include it.

I had been up since 6:30 with broken sleep the night before, so by 11 pm I was pooped, and I skipped out before the last couple of shows.

It looks good outside - supposed to be in the 70s, so I plan to walk this afternoon. Tonight I want to visit the gallery where The Dark Prince's photographs are on display before the Goddess festivities restart. It's going to be a late night, so I'm glad I got some good sleep last night.

My daffodils are already up a good three inches. Spring is coming.

#596 Whoosh! Gone....

When Love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. - Kahlil Gibran

The Goddess Festival starts tonight in Woodstock, and I want to walk and exercise before I go, so -- here's a quick entry. Don't blink.

#595 Breaking the Log Jam!

Ok. Progress. I'm getting a 10 yard dumpster delivered next Tuesday, and it will be here for one week (will 10 yards be big enough? I don't care! I'll repeat as many times as it takes!) It's $360 as long as I don't go over 2 tons. I'm excited! I'm going to have them put it on the side of the house so I can carry stuff up the side yard from the basement instead of up the stairs - most of it is paper, heavy. Watch us get three feet of snow on Monday.... I don't care! I'll keep it as long as it takes!

I managed to sell the BP/Amoco stock over the phone without the silly investor id number. I guess I don't really need it after all. Strange part - I called the "get your online account access password" phone number, and they asked me what I wanted to do, and I said I wanted to sell some stock, and they took the sell order - and never did give me the password. Duh? Pretty much the same thing with the ChevronTexaco stock.

It would appear that if you know someone's social security number, you could sell stock right out from under them without their knowledge or permission. The check goes to the address of record, so they'd get the proceeds, but still - you sold their stock! Do it right before a big jump in value, or while it's still short-term gains, and you could really hurt them. Isn't that interesting....

#594 Bonfire

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

I had a list of important to-dos today, but I ended up doing other things instead. The Hunk called this morning about burning the brush pile (well over 5 feet high at this point), so I spent most of the late morning and afternoon picking up more of the winter's fallen branches from all over the yard and tending the bonfire.

Then he and another guy got up on the roof to take measurements, to give me an estimate for replacing the shingles. He says there was never a cap put on the peak. 20 years without a cap! Might help to explain the periodic leaks around the fireplace and in the kitchen (only in very bad storms or heavy snow). He also said that the cement cap on the chimney is badly pitted and needs to be replaced before the roof can be done, and the third flue, which is unused, has a covering over it which is pitted, holey, and probably is allowing water in. Sigh. So I spent some time looking up chimney repair companies.

Piper wants me to sell more stock (BP Amoco and Chevron Texaco), so I went to the website for the companies holding the book-entry shares, and found out that I need my "12 character investor id". They can't use the social security number any more, so "you'll find your new number on the stub from your most recent dividend check". Great. I had always kept the stubs, but I recently decided that since I never ever look at them, it was just contributing to the paper glut here to keep them, so I've been throwing them out. I couldn't spend much time on the phone trying to find a real person to talk to, to explain the problem, because Roman was going to call this afternoon, and I didn't want to miss his call because he was going to be working tonight. I was even leaving the phone off the hook when I was out tending the fire so that he'd be sure to call back.

So, tomorrow's to do list looks a lot like today's.

One thing I did do was gather up the past month's paper piles and throw them on the fire. A lot of it was newspapers and magazines I hadn't even read yet. Good riddance. I haven't been able to get to the recycle center in ages, so it was building up. The center is open only certain hours on Wednesdays and on Saturday mornings, and every Saturday morning for the next few weekends is booked. And we saw what happened to today....

I'm off to burn more stuff.

#593 Questions 18 thru 22

I was up at 6:30 this morning, and at Anna's house at 7:30 to take her to the hospital for her physical therapy appointment - and she wasn't home. Huh? I left a note on her door asking her to call me, "Did I get the wrong day?", and she hasn't called. So now I'm a little worried. I'm supposed to take her Thursday morning, too.

Piper called mid-morning, so I went in to his office to discuss what's happening with the bond purchases, and then we had one of those multi-hour lunches. I like talking with him (when he's not taking about the market). He has a wonderful grasp of people, motives, and relationships. Oddly, he left his wife of a gazillion years several years ago, and he seems not sure why, except that it was the right thing to do. Physician, heal thyself?

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Continuing with questions from The Book of Questions, by Gregory Stock, Ph.D., Workman Publishing Company, Inc., $6.95. (If you like the idea, you should buy the book. Get yourself all the questions at once.)

18. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?
Social skills. The ability to engage strangers in conversation. Knowing the proper thing to say in various situations. Knowing what NOT to say. I can get through maybe the first two or three exchanges, and then I go dead. I don't know where to go from there. I even forgot to say things like "Good morning" or "Hello" when I passed people in the halls at work. Partly I think it's that I don't like talking just to exchange useless information. People who ask "How are you?" when they don't really want to know annoy the hell out of me. My friend Fran and Daughter have both scolded me, "When someone asks how you are, the proper answer is 'fine, thank you'. They don't really want to hear about your ingrown toenail, or how much work you have." My response of course is "Then why do they ask?" So, the skill I'd want to painlessly acquire is the ability to engage in inane and meaningless conversation. Doesn't sound like an ability I'm likely to grow it myself, does it?

19. You have the chance to meet someone with whom you can have the most satisfying love imaginable -- the stuff of dreams. Sadly, you know that in six months the person will die. Knowing the pain that would follow, would you still want to meet the person and fall in love?
Yes. I'd rather love and lose than never to have loved at all (knowing of the possibility in advance).
What if you knew your lover would not die, but would betray you?
In that case I'd rather skip it. If he is going to betray me, then it wasn't "the most satisfying love" to begin with. It's not satisfying unless it's reciprocal. Betrayal would make the whole experience a lie.

20. If you knew of a way to use your estate, following your death, to greatly benefit humanity, would you do it and leave only a minimal amount to your family?
Um, define "greatly benefit humanity". And if my money can "greatly benefit humanity", then it probably wouldn't take all that much to do it. And if it doesn't take that much, then how 'bout we let some fabulously rich person do it with a piddling little portion of their estate, that their heirs wouldn't even miss. Besides, if Daughter is fine with the idea, then let her donate it after she gets it.

21. Do you prefer being around men or women? Do your closest friends tend to be men or women?
Both, at different times. They both have their advantages. Same with friendships, although men have been my longer-term friendships. Women tend to drift off as their lives and concerns change.

22. If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you choose, would you?
This is similar to question 11, where I invoked the fifth, but here we are just hurting them, not killing them. Again, it would be very tempting, and this time I might not be able to resist the temptation. Right now, I can't think of anyone I'd want to use it on, but there have been candidates in the past, and there may be some in the future. But I probably wouldn't actually use it. It would just be so satisfying to have the ability to.

#592 The End.

In the briefest terms possible, after a two-month "break", Roman and I spent the past weekend together at a regional Mensa gathering in central New Jersey. We almost didn't survive it. There was a lot of anger and frustration. You have to give the guy credit. He knew what was likely to happen, and he went anyway, and it was an effort that he made for me. It was a release for me and an ordeal for him.

We did survive.

I think my feelings for him are stronger now than before, because I trust him more now. I believe in him. I understand much better what's been going on, and, well, I am content.

Anyone who thought that he was using and abusing me, that he was manipulating me, I can assure you now that was not the case. Well, actually he was manipulating me, but I finally understand his motive, and it's ok. It was not dishonorable - it was simply the actions of a male trying to protect himself. I believe he was and is sincere and honorable in his intentions toward me. We may be able to break the negative feedback spiral we were in.

It may or may not work out, but at least, right now, for the moment, I think we can try.

In the past, I had a lot of confusion and pain, and I had nowhere to take it except to Daughter, a few friends, and these pages, in a search for understanding. I hope that now Roman and I will be able to talk more openly. So, you may not see him mentioned here for a while.

Wish us luck.

#591 Question 17 thru 17c

The weather is iffy again - one forecaster says 1 to 3 inches of snow, another says 4 to 8 inches. Gak!

There's a lot I want to say, but it's not the right time (not that it's ever the right time, but I'm getting superstitious). It's this silly roller coaster. The view from the top is wonderful, but the low stretches go through swamps. I was pretty much in the swamps yesterday, then I got a phone call late last night that zipped me right to the top again.

I probably won't be posting again until perhaps Sunday night. I'll be attending a Mensa Regional Gathering this weekend.

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Continuing with questions from The Book of Questions, by Gregory Stock, Ph.D., Workman Publishing Company, Inc., $6.95. (If you like the idea, you should buy the book. Get yourself all the questions at once.)

17. Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would live for 1,000 years at any physical age you chose?
No, but not to the physically ugly part, "no" to the "live 1,000 years" part. I don't want to live that long. I especially wouldn't want to live that long at the same age all the time. It would get terribly boring. The thing I've enjoyed most about the 61 years I've already lived has been the way I've so obviously grown and learned and changed, as a function of age and increased maturity. After the first 150 years, I think I might stop changing, or else I'd turn into a walking saint, or ignored sage, any of which would be pretty boring. I'd rather just die in the proper time, and get on to the next step. (Whisper - Although, to be honest, I wouldn't mind a guarantee of another 40 years at this age....)

17a. How much are you affected by a person's physical appearance?
Well, there's two groups here. There's the "beautiful people" versus the not-so-pretty people, and there's the people who make an attempt to look their best versus the people who are, let's face it, slobs.

Beautiful versus not-so-pretty doesn't affect me much, although sometimes when someone is TOO pretty, male or female, I'll expect shallowness at first, and need a little more proof of their niceness before I'll let them in. As proof that I easily go the other way, beyond beauty, I offer that I've had many mild or major crushes on men who were physically mud-puddle ugly by any standard. I think many nerdy guys are cute.

I have more trouble with the people who try (they might fail, but at least they tried) versus the slobs. People who don't take care of their appearance, who don't make the slightest effort to look at least decent, will get an instant cringe from me. I'll have a lot of trouble getting past their appearance. There's a woman I know now, that I know to be nice (if a bit ditzy and an attention hog) and I know if I gave her a chance I might be able to overlook her faults and enjoy her craziness, but she's a SLOB! Bad posture, grossly overweight, mismatched clashing clothing, bad messy hairdo, no makeup. She always looks like she should crawl back under the rock, and she defiantly doesn't care. I hate to admit it, but I just can't get past the cringes. Even considering that, by comparison, I'd look absolutely terrific standing next to her, I don't want to stand next to her. I'd keep trying to tuck her blouse in.

17b. How would it change your life if something happened to make you much less attractive than you are now?
On the one hand, it would make it harder to attract friendly interest. On the other hand, any interest I attracted would be truer. Other than that, I don't think I would be otherwise affected. I have a fairly good self-image, only partly based on appearance.

17c. Do you find anything disturbing about immortality? What age seems ideal to you?
See 17. Believing in reincarnation makes it a lot easier to reject boring immortality. Thirty-seven was a nice age, but I kinda like where I am now, too. I'm a lot smarter, and the body hasn't started falling apart yet.

#590 Singularity, Love, Weight, and the Rest of the Package

Yesterday, neighbor Anna asked for a ride to physical therapy. She said 8 am. I said that she should call me to make sure I was awake, and she said ok, she'd call me at 7:30. I said to make it 7. I set the alarm for 6:30 this morning, and it's a good thing I actually woke up and got moving then, because when Anna called at 7, she said the appointment was for 8, and I should pick her up at 7:30. Sheesh. If she knew that, why did she offer the wakeup call at 7:30? That wouldn't have been much help.

While she was doing her thing, I had breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. Scrambled eggs, bacon, tea, and an orange, for about $3. Not bad. I'm going to take her in on Tuesday and Thursday of next week, too.

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Today was weigh-in time at the spa. I have lost 4 lbs. since February 1st. I suspect I've actually lost more in fat, because I'm growing muscle, which is denser. We also measured at the bust, waist, tummy, hips, thigh, calf, and upper arm. Since last month I've lost an inch here, 3/4 inch there and there, a bit everywhere. So, I'm progressing.

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I wander around the internet sometimes, mostly following side trails off something I was researching, and sometimes I find interesting stuff. I hit the mother lode today - a site which consists entirely of pointers to neat stuff other people accidentally stumbled upon - http://touby.stumbleupon.com/

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Wandering around, I also discovered that Yahoo has an "Answers" section. You ask a question, and self-defined "experts" can offer answers, and then others can vote on what they think was the best answer. It strikes me as next to useless. It's like the "gullible" website. "You like this answer? Here, I'll give you another...."

The love and relationships answer section seems to be overrun by children. Children who can't spell, can't string words together coherently, and can't think. It's scary reading.

One question and answer intrigued me. The question was: "How can u tel wen sum one luvs u" (or something like that).

I was thinking my answer (in general, not just in romantic love) would be, "When someone is as concerned about your health, happiness, and welfare as they are about their own, or even more, when they are willing to give up things important to themselves for you, then they love you." That led me to thinking about love in my life, and by this definition, I have to conclude (and believe it or not, I'd never thought about it before quite so specifically) that my father definitely didn't love us at all, not the least bit, and my mother's love was minimal. I thought about that for a while.

Then I read this answer (copied verbatim):
(1) when he/she cares about you a lot
(2) cant take a long without seeing you
(3) telling you his/her secrets
(4) treats you special than other people
(5) follow your heart and mental mind to feel that and watch his/her talking, acts, and atitude towards you .

This kid has some trouble stringing words, but at least he/she can think (so there's hope). #2 is more infatuation than love, but I was thinking that the rest is pretty good. Then I applied it to my situation again. Hmmm. Problem in Paradise. He (my obsession of late) says he cares "a lot", but I'm not seeing it. It seems like he can go indefinitely without seeing me or calling. He doesn't tell me anything important to me, and he's got a lot of secrets. He doesn't treat me as more special than anyone else, in fact someone else seems to be the special one. If you throw all that away, then whatever is left for #5 is the only place he excels, usually but not always. He doesn't fit my own definition, either, in that he knows I'm hurting, but he's in no hurry to lessen the pain. I guess I don't believe he loves me at all. I just keep hoping he will. Someday. Sigh. I wonder how long I can keep that up.

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From The Singularity Institute for Artificial Intelligence, at http://www.singinst.org/ :
"What is the Singularity? Sometime in the next few years or decades, humanity will become capable of surpassing the upper limit on intelligence that has held since the rise of the human species. We will become capable of technologically creating smarter-than-human intelligence, perhaps through enhancement of the human brain, direct links between computers and the brain, or Artificial Intelligence. This event is called the "Singularity" by analogy with the singularity at the center of a black hole ...." It goes on to say that, essentially, once we achieve a certain level of technology such that we can enhance intelligence, then the advanced intelligence can advance technology further, and the two will feed each other, increasing each other exponentially. They're all excited about it.

Am I the only person whom this scares? The concept of super-intelligence without a corresponding increase in soul, compassion, love, and plain old common sense is scary. I mean 1950's A-bomb scary. Run to the bathroom scary. People are people. Imagine the nastiest person you know, or the most soulless corporation, or the military, or the I-know-what's-good-for-you-and-you-don't people, whatever, with this capability.

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This is long (118 pages), and not for the faint of heart, but I found it and feel a responsibility to share it. It's another view. Don't say I never gave you anything.

America For Sale: The Cost of Republican Corruption
A Congressional Report on How America Is Being Sold to the Highest Bidder
Prepared by the House Rules Committee Democratic Staff
The Honorable Louise M. Slaughter, Ranking Member

http://www.votelouise.com/page/file/
260225323712d4368c_pam6btw03.pdf/AmericaForSale.pdf

#589 Amazing Day, Not!

The TV is back on. The Amazing Race starts another course tonight, and I can't resist.

I spent most of the day trying to catch up on correspondence. I wrote a few emails and filled out some forms for mailing, and that was pretty much the whole day. May called, and I was on the phone with her for about an hour. TAR starts at 9 (in 5 minutes - Blogger logs the time you START an entry, not the time you finish) for 2 hours, and then I have to wash and dry my hair and get to bed early so I can take the neighbor lady to PT tomorrow. She said 8 am. Ouch! I asked her to call me at 7 to ensure I'm awake.

I haven't eaten anything yet today, and there's a pot of Earl Grey waiting for me, so gonna run now.

#588 Senior Moment

I had one of those "Senior Moments" today. Actually, a few.

I go to the bank often, almost daily now because the exercise machines are upstairs in the bank building. If I go past the bank, I'm likely headed for the recycle center. And sometimes I actually go to the town hall, which is further south. If I pass the town hall, I'm headed for Rhinebeck, Poughkeepsie, or Wappingers, which I do several times a week.

So today, I headed for the town hall to pay the county taxes. South of the center of the village, I happened to glance left, and realized I had just passed the inn, so I thought "Oh, Foo!" and I turned around in the insurance office parking lot and went back to the bank. Sitting in the bank parking lot, I realized that's not where I was headed. Left turn (not easy anymore in the village) back out, keep heading south, and without thinking, I turned in to the recycle center. Sitting at the closed center gates, I thought "Oh, Fooey!", that's not where I was headed either, and went back out. Left turn, kept heading south. I passed the town hall and was on my way to Rhinebeck and points south when I realized that's not where I was headed. "Razzelfrats!" Turned around in Hardscrabble Square, saw the Subway shop, bought a sub, headed back north, and was halfway home with my sandwich when I realized I hadn't stopped at the town hall. Tomorrow is the last day to pay the taxes without penalty, and who knows what tomorrow will bring, so I turned around and went back. This time I made it, and actually found my way home again.

I think.

This place looks sort of familiar, and the cat seems to recognize me.

Why the confusion? I was preoccupied, running on autopilot, following habit, and listening to a Dolly Parton CD wasn't helping.
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The nice neighbor lady from down the street stopped by today to ask if she could borrow some firewood. Her furnace isn't working, it has to be replaced, not fixed, which means it'll be a while, and although she has lots of downed trees in her woods, she can't get them cut until the weekend. I keep a small amount of maple and locust racked on the side of the house for emergencies, so we put about 10 logs in her daughter's car trunk. I was very surprised that that was all she wanted, it looked to me like about one day's worth of wood, and it's been in the low teens at night lately. But that's all she wanted.

Um. Just realized. It's one day's worth for an open fireplace, but if she has a woodstove, 10 thick logs might last three or four days. I didn't ask what she was burning it in.

She says she'll replace the wood after she gets her downed trees cut, probably this weekend. I was about to say she didn't need to replace it, but ... actually it isn't that easy to replace a small amount of short-cut hardwood, and if we ever have another multi-day electrical outage, I'll need it. So since it's "free" to her, I'll take it. I gave away the wood from my last few downed trees, and I'd prefer not to have to hope for more falling trees, or to have to buy a whole portion of a cord of unknown species and unknown curing from some guy who thinks it's mahogany or something.

It's unfortunate that the furnace died. This is the family that just put the house up for sale, so they can move to wherever the daughter will be going to college.
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I had a bunch of things on the "To Do" list for today. I have decided to stop waiting for the Hairless Hunk's trailer, and I'm going to get one of those (smaller) construction dumpsters, so I can get rid of basement junk. And I wanted to see if I can get some info on the Coach House Players - I was a member back in the late '60s. I can't act (well, actually, I can - what I can't do is remember the lines) but I can build sets and paint stuff, and whatever else is needed. But mostly, it might be fun, and I might meet people my age. And I need to get the tax stuff together and catch up on correspondence. (No wonder I got so many "aloof"s on my Nohari!)

I didn't get any of that done because I spent much of the day doing research on charities for the friend who is setting up charitable trusts. The woman was a high level executive in one of the largest computer companies, and yet she's completely lost on the internet. She also has an almost paralyzing fear of viruses. She won't even open mail from known friends unless they put something specific and personal in the subject line.

I found lots of good stuff from various sites that provide official financial reports and filings, and ratings based on efficient use of donations. You can even find the CEO's salary and benefits, and the size of the slush funds! And information on how charities can use creative bookkeeping to make the numbers look better. And clues to indicate that they might be doing that.
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There's a website (http://www.nsc.org/lrs/statinfo/odds.htm) where you can find out the odds of your dying in various ways. But it would be so easy to draw invalid conclusions from the data.

For example, the site says that the lifetime odds of a person's accidental death while riding a motorcycle are 1 in 1,159, whereas the odds of dying in an automobile accident are 1 in 228. (I chose the motorcycle and automobile because they're so much more obvious than other possible comparisons.) It would be easy to conclude that you are many (like 5?) times more likely to die in an automobile accident than in a motorcycle accident. This is probably true for the population as a group. However, you cannot conclude that motorcycles are safer than automobiles, because we don't know how what proportion of the populace regularly rides motorcycles. If 10% of the population rides motorcycles, then their risk as a group is more like 1 in 116.

We are told that riding in a car is much more dangerous than riding in an airplane. Now I can't help wondering if the people who say that are using numbers that apply to the entire population. Not everybody flies. There are a lot of people who have never flown. So the risk goes up for those who do fly. If your group is only those who do fly (and I have no idea what proportion of the population that is) how does that compare?

Just wondering, but not curious enough to look it up.

#587 Shocking Cold

Another photo from The Leading Candidate. My hair is now a little longer, and my cheeks and chin are a little thinner. I don't usually photograph well at all, partly because my skin reflects light, so this is pretty good. (No, I'm not wall-eyed. That's reflections on my glasses.)

It's at most 15 degrees outside, more likely less. Every time I get out of the van, I get a shock, either when locking the door or pushing it closed. Big shocks. I have to work up the courage to close the door. Using gloves or my sleeve only delays the shock until the next time I touch metal. I'm glad I don't need to pump gas any time soon.

This evening, green sparks leapt from the key to the doorknob when I was opening the house door.

My hair is standing straight out from my head.

It's supposed to snow tomorrow and Tuesday - maybe that will calm the air.

Nothing else to write about.

Blah day.

#586 Questions 13 thru 16

I have an optical migraine this evening. At least, that's what the opthamologist said it was last time it happened, a few years ago. No pain or headache, just a C-shaped sharp-edged jagged blur surrounding the center of my visual field. I got very little sleep again last night, so I fell asleep this afternoon while reading, with my neck in an awkward position, and I guess that's where it came from.

Why am I sleeping so badly? I have something bothering me, and no one I can talk it over with. So I talk it over with myself, incessantly. All day, when I should be doing other things. All night, when I should be sleeping.
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Continuing with questions from The Book of Questions, by Gregory Stock, Ph.D., Workman Publishing Company, Inc., $6.95. (If you like the idea, you should buy the book. Get yourself all the questions at once.)

13. What would constitute a "perfect evening" for you?
I guess most people would come up with a evening out, with candles and dancing and romance. Or a beach with breezes and stars and a fire. Or something. I guess I'm a bit pedestrian. Perfection for me is to be at home with a man I love, who will hold me with the promise that he'll be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, and....

14. Would you rather be extremely successful professionally and have a tolerable yet unexciting private life, or have an extremely happy private life and only a tolerable and uninspiring professional life?
I can see where this might be a difficult choice for some people. I guess it depends on one's interests and goals. If one's profession is finding cures for cancer, I can see where one might get all the fulfillment one needs at work. I'd much rather have the extremely happy private life. In fact, I already wish I'd spent less time at the office. Maybe my private life would have been better. When I think back over my life, it's the personal moments that warm me. The professional successes are cold.

15. Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?
Duh. Ummmm. You know, some people can easily come up with a famous name and all the reasons, and it always bothers me when they do. Partly it's that they ignore that person's failings. Partly it's that they seem to want to be positively compared to them. On the other hand, almost every person I know and like has at least one quality that I especially admire in them. But I don't know that I could say that any of them "inspire" me. Mainly I just admire them.

16. If at birth you could select the profession your child would eventually pursue, would you do so?
You know, through most of the world's cultures and most of the world's history, a child's eventual profession WAS pretty much set at birth, and still is in some places. If male, the eldest went into the family business, the second went to the church, and the third to the military or commerce, or whatever variation the local custom was. If female, and this is still true for most of the world's females, her destiny is set at birth. For both, aptitude and inclination had no part in the decision. In some advanced cultures today, especially in eastern countries, children are tested for aptitude at an early age, and aimed in certain directions and to certain schools based on the test results. There isn't much chance for appeal or personal choice. Getting back to the question, a parent naturally wants their childen to be happy and successful, so one does have a tendency to direct them into pursuits that a child seems naturally equipped for, and away from those with less promise (which, by the way, is not something that can be determined at birth). But the way society is changing so fast, it would be foolish to get too specific. So, no, not at birth. And yes somewhat, in a broad and general way, as the child develops.

#585 Bashed Arms

No questions tonight - it hurts to type, so I'm off to a bubble bath instead.

I went to the store this afternoon. Remember I said we weren't burning because of the wind? Well, a gust of wind caught me in the parking lot and literally threw me into the side of a car. I hit with both hands and they got bent way back at the wrist. The pain isn't IN the wrists, it's in the inside of the forearms, and it hurts to bend my wrists, so I suspect I just got some pulled tendons or something.

No big deal, but a good excuse to take the afternoon and evening off. Read a lot. Napped. Ate chicken wings and asparagus. I'm sure it all will feel better tomorrow.

#584 Trivia Evening

Friday, February 24, 2006

I went to Poughkeepsie last night to play trivia (NTN) again. Again, it was just Tom and me from Mensa, plus Tom's girlfriend (who didn't play). This is the place that had the delicious pulled pork quesedias, but this time I got the wings - also very good, very large, the one-bone pieces were almost as big as fryer drumsticks!, and only $1.44 per dozen. At that price, they don't let you take any out, you have to eat them all there, and although we ordered only one dozen, there were 18 on the plate, so every time the bartender turned his back I stuck one in my purse. I brought home enough for dinner tonight.

Tom and his friend left before I had finished my nursed-so-long-I had-to-add-ice glass of Chablis, and just as I was about to leave, someone in the group of two couples next to me at the bar mentioned Shamokin, Pa., and I ended up staying another half hour wrapped/rapt in conversation with them about Pennsylvania, and how it's such a great place to live, all the "still wild" places, even if the politics is a bit whacked. One of the guys was familiar with Ricketts Glen, and agreed it was a magical place.

So I had a nice evening. I didn't do too well at the trivia, though. Came in something like 220th nationally, but that's partly because I missed the whole first game. Tom had said he wouldn't be there until 8, so I got there at 8, and it turned out Tom had been there since about 7 and played the first game. Fooey. I like the place and I like the kind of people there, so I won't be uncomfortable alone, so next time I'm coming early regardless.

Up and dressed early this morning to meet The Hunk and burn brush, but it's too windy today, so we're putting it off again, probably until early next week, since it's supposed to rain or snow this weekend. Personally, I think a foot of snow on the ground would be perfect for burning. We wouldn't have to worry about a grass fire, and we wouldn't need the hose - a snowshovel would do for an extinguisher.

Off to get some things done. I'll do some questions later.

#583

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Last session of class last night. I think QuickBooks could be very useful when I (eventually) get my business up and selling, so I bought the software (for less than half price, from www.academicsuperstore.com, recommended by Roman. I'm not so certain it would have been useful enough at full price.) It won't run on my current system, but I plan to upgrade sometime soon.

I have decided I'm not really ready for stranger-dating at the moment, so I have "hidden" my profiles on the online dating sites. I've got to get the rest of my life in order first, then we'll see what's happening.

Tall Dark & Handsome #1 gave my mood a boost yesterday when he said that he can't wait for spring, when I might start wearing the Indian outfits again (salwar-kameez sets, and saris). He said that I look "very graceful" in them. Actually, I feel bulky in them, but that's when I WAS 30-plus pounds bulkier. Twenty more pounds to go, by the way. I seem to have hit a plateau, but as soon as it gets warm enough to walk without my nose and toes freezing off, I think the rest will go quickly.

I was up early this morning because the Hairless Hunk was supposed to come over and get the burn started on the brush pile, trees and branches that fell in storms. I need him to start the fire (you won't find me tossing gasoline around!) and set his hose up. My hoses alone aren't long enough to reach the pile. And then when it burns down a ways, he has the backhoe (or whatever it is) and the muscles to push the edges in. But he can't make it today, so ... I'll be up early again tomorrow. If it's not raining or snowing, that is.

My energy seems mysteriously renewed. I think I'll throw some more stuff around in the basement this afternoon.

#582 Photos

I have some photos I thought I might like to use in the "About Me" section, but first I need to fool Blogger into uploading them. So, here they are.

The young man is "Hercules", otherwise known as "The Leading Candidate for Son-in-law". The blonde is, of course, me.

The hand shows a henna pattern I got last fall. It lasted all of about 10 days, and then only because I didn't wash dishes during that time.

The woodsy photo is one of the twenty-some falls on the Kitchen Creek trail at Ricketts Glen, in Pennsylvania. I try to go there at least once a year. A favorite place.

#581 Yummy Goodies!

I lifted this from a friend's website - I'm sure she won't mind:

Go visit this most AWESOME page! If you are into the renaissance and getting dressed up or want to have something to show off your great cleavage, go here!



Me again --- may I add that some of her dresses make the most beautiful wedding gowns, too.

#580 Nohari - Whoa!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Since I sent out requests for contributions to my Nohari Window, I've been getting notes back from folks saying they can't do it, it's just too hard, it insists on a minimum of five words and they can't find five, and so on.

Considering that I found six right off, and another nine that may not be consitutionally present, but are certainly often there, I couldn't understand the difficulty.

Then I went to a friend's Nohari Window, to contribute to hers, and whoa! It IS hard! Sheesh! NOTHING applies! Not all the time, anyway.

So, if you are having difficulty finding the right words, try prefacing each choice with "Sometimes she can be just a little bit ..." and see if that helps. In the end, only the one or two words that most people seem to gravitate to will matter, anyway.

#579 Johari Window - Results

It's been a week since I made my initial request for contributions to my Johari Window, so I think I've probably got just about all the responses I'm going to get. To see the complete results, go to http://kevan.org/johari?view=Silken (note that it has moved from its original name). For information on the concept, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johari_window.

Later edit - the Kevan.org site is having some problems. It gets overrun late at night, and as of 3 pm today, Tuesday, February 21, both of my ISPs are having difficulty even finding it. If you can't get to it, wait. It will, I hope, settle down.

I listed my salient characteristics as

• able
• independent
• intelligent
• happy
• relaxed

Breakdown of respondents:

• 6 are from people who know me in person now;
• 4 are from people who knew me well in the past, and are now in touch by email and telephone;
• 4 are from people who know me only through my journal and email.

The 14 responses say I present myself as

• 10 - intelligent
• 7 - independent
• 3 - brave
• 3 - clever
• 3 - energetic
• 3 - knowledgeable
• 3 - loving
• 3 - reflective
• 3 - responsive
• 3 - sentimental
• 3 - sympathetic
• 2 - able
• 2 - bold
• 2 - caring
• 2 - confident
• 2 - dignified
• 2 - extroverted
• 2 - giving
• 2 - observant
• 2 - searching
• 2 - wise
• 2 - witty
• and a smattering of other words with 1 each.

Note that no one, besides me, chose "happy" and "relaxed". I think I am, but I guess those are an internal thing, and I don't show it so much on the outside. It's also interesting that once y'all got past "independent", no more than three people of the fourteen could agree on anything else, and how they know me didn't seem to show any pattern. I can't be everything to everyone (not since psychotherapy, anyway), so my conclusion is that my personality is a bit blah. I don't come through very well. Maybe I ought to pick a few I like, that I think are there but hidden, like "loving", "caring", "giving", and work on showing them more. I should expose me better.

Now the hard part.

You noticed that the Johari Window offered mostly positive descriptors. What about the negatives?

Introducing (Ta-ra!) my Nohari Window! Those who responded to the Johari request are now honor-bound to go to http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Silken, and select negative adjectives to describe me. I realize that this will of course be very difficult for you, seeing as I am so perfect and all, so I won't be at all hurt if you take greater care to disguise your id this time. And I know it will be especially difficult to choose more than one, but do try to chose five or six. I found six with no difficulty, and could easily have selected nine more, but then, I know my evil thoughts.

Have fun....

(And no fair doing the Nohari without having done the Johari, too! Go back to it if you have to!)