3462 Jasper says garbage trucks are scary.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Caring for the health of others - isn’t that a moral value?

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I don't care for most groups that define themselves as "metal". Seems like it's just noise with screaming. But check out the Swedish group "Therion". They seem to have had training in music theory, and the lead actually sings. Well, I haven't heard everything they've done, but what I have heard is interesting.

Go to Youtube and search for 'therion'. Don't watch the videos - just listen.

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I have a profile on OKCupid. It's usually disabled, doesn't show up, but occasionally I enable it to check the journals or profiles of others, or when I'm bored and want to see how random people answered questions. And then I can't disable it for a week, them's the rules ya know, so sometimes it's visible. I have a paragraph at the top saying that it's virtually invisible, and should be ignored. I still get the occasional nibble anyway. And I think about them.

Back when I had active profiles, I did meet some guys. I have a rule that I don't chat, or have extended email explorations, or phone calls. If we look at all interesting to each other, we meet someplace quiet but public immediately. I figure you can learn more about a person in one lunch than in weeks of emails or phone calls.

Partly that rule is because of one guy I'd corresponded with back in 2006. He owned a used bookstore just over the line in Connecticut and wrote the most beautiful emails. We clicked in philosophical matters. We couldn't seem to get our schedules in synch, so we corresponded for three months before we met, and by then I was half in love with him. Then one day we met.

He was a complete mess, physically and emotionally. He had severe edema in his legs, couldn't walk more than a few feet, and didn't know why because he hadn't seen a doctor about it. The skin was actually cracking and weeping. He had three dogs that literally were not allowed out of his sight. We couldn't go to the restaurant originally selected because there wasn't parking close to the outdoor dining area. We had to find a restaurant with a patio in sight of the parking lot so he'd be able to see the dogs in the car. And it was COLD and windy that day.

I was so disappointed, because by then ... well, I felt bad not just because I was crushed, but because I like to think I'm more interested in mind than body, but "maybe I'm fooling myself, maybe I'm a bad person for having so negative a reaction", and so on.

So after that, if you look interesting, we MEET, immediately, before you can crawl into my mind and heart and set up shop, and I'm forced to evict you.

Of course I haven't met anyone from those sites in years, not since the first date with The Man, but I remember what it was like.

Most of these guys seem to have a weird expectation. They seem to think that having agreed to meet, we already have some kind of relationship, a commitment. Like if there were anyone around to introduce me to, I'd already be presented as "my girlfriend". Some kind of Wild Western mail-order bride. And if you don't act like that, some of them get angry. If at the end of the meeting you indicate that you are happy to have met him but don't think we're a good match, they act like "why did you agree to meet me if you don't intend to follow through, why did you waste my time?" Yeah, I've heard those exact words.

I guess one way to handle that is to part letting him think you adore him, and then say no thanks from the safety of home. And that's another reason avoiding emails (except through the site) and phone calls is a good idea. I don't give out my contact info or my last name until the third date.

I guess it's because so many of those guys are desperate for a woman. That's all they want. A woman. Almost any will do. Some of them want only a vagina.

What do I want? (If I were still trolling online, that is....)

I DON'T want a man who
- needs a woman to complete his life.
- needs a housekeeper, maid, cook, or nurse.
- expects to move in together.
- starts out thinking we'll be getting married.
- wants someone to share expenses with that he can also sleep with.
- is willing to accept me before even knowing me.

I DO want a man who
- already is secure and happy alone.
- wants someone to share enthusiasms (museums, activities, festivals, travel) with.
- wants one or two weekends a month together (eventually), his place or mine.
- is willing to go Dutch on almost everything.
- doesn't need me, but learns to appreciate and want me.
- (Yeah, there are some bedroom requirements, too, but let's start with the basics.)

You know what? I think that kind of guy is extremely rare on online dating sites.
Wow. A light bulb just went on.
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3429 Whoa!

Monday, December 26, 2011

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-- Steven Wright --

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I mentioned online dating to someone today. That reminded me that I had a moribund profile on a particular site that I hadn't visited in years. So I visited. I updated my profile and photos (just for fun, you understand) and released the hold (just to see what might happen, you understand), and in the past two hours I have been inundated by "Hi!" notes. Well, eight of them, anyway.

And of those eight, all but two were from very young men. Under thirty. Like three under twenty-five!

Holy Crap!

How tempting is this:
Now, his pants are a bit low, and it's a cell phone photo in a public or work restroom, (the other photo does include his face, which is also pretty), and it worries me that he's got his shirt off in a public restroom, but his note was nice, and he actually spelled out all the words instead of using that ugly texting shorthand, and spelled correctly, too (... as opposed to the mash note I got from a young man straight from Snooki's crew, that seemed to be a different language). AND he lives a few blocks from here.

Holy Crap!

Now, I'm not naive. I do know why a lot of young men like older women. We aren't likely to get pregnant, we're less likely to be drama queens, and we're very likely to be grateful for decent sex. Maybe even generously grateful.

No way I'm falling into that trap. **

But OMG - I want to TOUCH that chest!

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**I'd like to put something like that in my profile, but then they might stop sending me pictures like this.
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2556 It's Meetup, damn it! Not Hookup!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Definition: Perfluxity - the feeling that
you are drowning in a sea of information.

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I joined several Meetup groups, mostly travel, movie, and dinner groups. They are just to get out and meet up with some people to do things as a group. There ARE Meetup groups specifically for singles, for the purpose of meeting and exploring romantic possibilities, but that's not what I'm there for, and not the groups I joined.

Some guys seem confused. I've been getting regular mash notes and invitations from strange men. They can look at your profile and see your picture and what groups you've signed up for. One guy noticed I'd joined a few travel groups, so he wrote (through the site) and suggested that he take me somewhere for a weekend. Another has invited me to a movie in Rhinebeck (the next village down) - even though he lives in Manhattan. One young man in Albany, in his early 20s, invited me to go dancing. And so on.

Hey, guys - it's not an online dating site! What makes you think I'm looking to hook up? In fact, in my profile, I included a photo of me with The Man.

A more subtle way to approach it, if you see someone interesting, would be to watch what meetups they RSVP for, and then go to the same meetup. That way you meet in a group. Introduce yourself. Chat. See if she or he is open to overtures. Then maybe something might develop.

Some people might see that as stalking, I guess. I don't.
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1937 What are they thinking?

Friday, August 1, 2008

All of my online dating profiles and accounts have been dead for a year, but Match.com is still sending me weekly email full of "matches we have selected for you". I don't know what criteria they're using for this matching. They send me men who live 100 miles away. Men who are 40 years old, looking for women 28-38. From the photos it would be easy to conclude they're just sending me the most desperate of their clients.

I suppose there's a way to make them stop, but I haven't tried because it's sometimes amusing. I've been giggling at some of the "handles" these guys choose.

• Snowaterguy - why do I think "yellow"?
• Dumas789 - just how many other dumb asses are there out there? (He's nice looking, BTW.)
• Earthighs - I suspect he means "Earth highs", but I keep reading it as "Ear thighs".
• Varsity02 - a 61-yo? A case of arrested development?
• Johnnyace719 - casino, anyone?
• GPsilverfox - well, he's got a healthy self-image. I suspect the GP is Grandpa.
• Jeepsoft - I kinda like this, wonder how he came up with it. Makes me think of little fuzzy yellow chicks with attitude, for some reason.
  
• Briskymorning - I happen to know this guy, ex-coworker, super sexy, but his handle makes me shiver.
• Ubereclectic - I have to wonder about anyone who uses "uber". I already have a feeling we wouldn't hit it off. "Uber" smells of beer.
  
• No401k - he's looking for a sugar momma?
• Artfuldoger892 - Prophetic? Not promising if one wants a long-term relationship.
• Maj.Pain - Makes me laugh. Humor or honesty?
• Cereopsis - that's the Cape Barren Goose, cereopsis novaehollandiae. They mate only in/on water. Is this a warning or a promise?
• Topguyforltr - is that Top Guy For Letter? I don't get it, but it feels vaguely dirty.
  
• Soundsystem10003 - I have a feeling the lady will not come first.
• BankdudeNY - working in or robbing? And, um, "dude"? You're adult!
  
• Cinderella1faces - this is a guy?
• Singlebi - thanks for being upfront about it.
• Darthblader - I read that as Darth Bladder and cringed.
• MikeB4u - honest about his egotism, I guess.
• Characterwanted - just what I wanted, a man without character.
• Roughhands529 - thanks for the warning.
• Bethbrian - threesome anyone?
• Callmemisterbig - are you bragging, or just into Manolo Blahniks?
• Loseofwords - if that was supposed to be "loss", you're right.
• Allnigtflyer - hey, don't promise what you can't deliver. Unless you're maybe a bat.
• Uglyduck47 - and he didn't provide a photo. Poor guy.
• Skiier_Wanted - do you want a whole relationship, or someone who fits one small part of your life?
• Urbdyisawndrland - oh, come on! Empty flattery will get you nowhere.
• Poorjohn69honey - run, ladies, run.

(All these ids can be located on Match.com.)

Funniest thing - I mined some past "match" emails for some names, then decided to go to the website and search, and see if I could find more good ones I could make fun of. When the photos came up, I was amazed! Hey, good looking guys! Lots better than the guys they'd been sending me. Wow! Yummy!

Then I discovered I'd accidentally searched as "man looking for man". Oops. Never mind. Gorgeousness explained.
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1772 Online Dating - the Age Thing

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sharon Stone: Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.

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I cancelled and closed all my online dating subscriptions more than a year ago, but one of them is still sending me "matches", and another that runs "speed-dating" evenings is still sending me invitations. I haven't opted out of those notices because who knows whom I might find on one of those lists someday. Like, heh heh, Roman. I'd be tempted to get a free two-week anonymous trial just to toy with his mind.

I think one of the mistakes I made back when I was online was that I was honest about my age, and I used recent photos. Having met several of these guys, and knowing personally two women on the lists, I conclude that everyone lies. I think the women in my age group probably drop 5 or 6 years, and the men (the fools!) drop 8 to 10. (From my own experience, and from what those men told me about their experiences.) So by being honest, I hurt myself because men looking at my profile automatically add years, and assume the photos are from some distant past when I looked decent.

Just like theirs.

Then they conclude I'm too old. (Ha! Little do they know. The guy I'm dating now is more than 10 years younger than I, and he knew it right from the beginning. So there!)

If you ever try online dating, lie like a rug just to get that first meeting. Just like everybody else.

It seems like almost all the men are advertising for women at least five years younger than they are. I don't understand that at any age. Why don't they want women their own age? And especially when the guy's over 55. Age shouldn't matter then, especially when women live longer. By looking for someone so much younger, they seem to be searching less for companionship, and more for an ego boost and eventual nursemaid.

And then there're the guys in their 50s who are looking for "21-77". Poor fellows can't win. I figure they're desperate.

The speed dating folks perpetuate the age thing. These are the actual age ranges for the April sessions:
Women 32-42/Men 34-46
Women 40-50/Men 42-54
Women 24-36/Men 26-38
Women 45-55/Men 47-59
They seem to assume women want to meet older men, and men want to meet younger women (although the difference here isn't as large as in most of the profiles). But since they know everyone lies, why bother with the male/female split anyway? Just give a general range, and add "more or less"?

I called one time to complain that I might be interested in men in their late 50s, and they might be interested in me, but I don't fit the female age range for that session. The organizer laughed and said to come anyway. "Nobody checks ids."

I don't understand.
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1325 Into the Fray Once More?

Monday, June 25, 2007

Ever notice how a lot of the folks who show up at the Idol or Inventor tryouts are social misfits? I wonder what that means - both that they show up with such frequency, and that we enjoy watching them so much.

Actually, that explains it.

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Somebody mentioned the personality test on eharmony, one of the few dating sites I hadn't tried back when I was doing that. I'm a sucker for those tests, so I checked it out. Unfortunately, you have to register to take the test, and I was feeling flush (and a bit neglected by The Man - he warned me that had been a problem in his past relationships, you'd think he'd learn something from that), so I did.

The test results were neither extraordinary nor illuminating, so I wandered away. Only to find my alternate email id, the next morning, chock full of "matches". Sixteen of them. And growing. Ack! What do I do now?

Four of them rejected me right off, most for distance, but the guy who checked the "no chemistry" and "differing values" choices kinda hurt my feelings. (Chemistry? Sheesh. Must be my photo, huh?)

One of them "initiated communication" right away. Hmmmm. I really don't want to get involved in this right now. On the other hand, the eharmony process (controlled communication) is new and different, and I am curious. He chose and sent six multiple-choice questions from a list provided by eharmony, for me to answer. Then I get to choose questions for him.

Maybe this isn't fair of me, since I'm not really looking, but ... curiosity rules. I answered the questions, and sent him a set.

I'm not going to "initiate communications" with anyone, but I think I'll follow this one through. Just to see how it goes. (Although there is that one guy in Beltsville, MD, who sounds interesting....)

Am I bad?
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865 Monday Lunch With Gadget

Monday, September 04, 2006

I had lunch today with a new friend - I think I'll call him Gadget. He lives in Wappingers, which is pretty far away, but his business takes him all over the area. I was 20 minutes late, and I'm sure he thought he was being stood up. I'm grateful he waited.

Perhaps he was just happy to see me, perhaps he was relieved that I "met expectations", or maybe it's his normal mode, but next time I see him (assuming there is a next time) I'm going to have to be firm about where hands go and where they don't go. When you hug someone goodbye after a first meeting, you really shouldn't slide a hand down their back, over their waist and onto the top of the hips. Huh! I pulled away before he got to the bottom, if he was headed there. I was wearing an ankle-length sleeveless knit dress, rather loose and drapey. Maybe he wondered if what he saw hints of under the dress was real, and couldn't resist checking. (Or maybe he's used to a different class of woman. Yeah, that's it....)

On the other hand, he's smart and amusing and furry. About the right height and age. Owns his own business. Coincidentally, I think maybe his eyes are the same color as mine.

Well, we'll see what happens next.

Speaking of the right age, there's a 38 year-old guy in Schenectady who keeps hitting on me through one of the online sites (his photo is that of a very good-looking guy, and his profile text is amusing and slightly naughty without being off-putting). Today was the third time in the past four months. I don't know if he just broadcasts his mash notes hoping someone will bite, and he therefore doesn't remember that I've turned him down twice already, the second time with a wrist-slap, or whether he's looking for a mommy, or a sugar-mommy. But if the profile really represents him, then I don't understand why he doesn't want or can't find a girl closer to his own age.

I'll just ignore him this time. I hate to do that, but enough is enough.

Ok, now somebody is going to remind me about my theory of "how it ought to be", where old men pair with young women, and old women with young men. There are all kinds of advantages to that pairing, from financial to family planning to furthering careers, to sharing wisdom and life lessons and skills, to late life care, to ... lots more. Circles within circles. I think it's a pretty neat theory. Well, at 38, he's both 18 years too young for me and 18 years too old!

I always respond when someone contacts me, usually to say "Thank you, I'm flattered...blah blah ... too young/far/great difference in lifestyle/values/religion ... Good luck". The only other person I've ignored was a guy in Wappingers who got rather bitchy on about our fourth email exchange. I didn't know how to respond, so I kept putting off responding, and eventually decided that was probably the best course.

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I don't like to blog news, except as it affects me directly (this journal being ME ME ME!), but I do have to mention the death of Steve Irwin.

I saw the headlines three times this morning as I was wandering the net, and every time I thought "That can't be true. There has to be a mistake. Or it's a bad joke." Then driving to Poughkeepsie I heard the full story on the radio.

The man had dangerous playmates, but he always knew exactly what he was doing. It's so hard to believe he was killed by something so docile. It was absolutely a freak accident. Almost like there has to be some purpose to his death. "Crikey!"

I liked him because he was so boyishly enthusiastic, so obviously nice, and so very real.

If anyone wants to send a card or thought, his family zoo is:
AUSTRALIA ZOO
GLASS HOUSE MOUNTAINS TOURIST DRIVE
BEERWAH, QUEENSLAND 4519
AUSTRALIA

(Remember, a domestic 38 cent stamp won't work.)