5098 March

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Trying to get rich by playing the lottery is like 
trying to commit suicide by flying on commercial airlines. 

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 I an in the midst of an  ocular migraine right now.  It started with the small circle of zig-zags about 10 minutes ago, and has grown to the full field already.  No headache, just the visual disturbance.  We'll see where it goes.

I looked up my past ocular migraines:
1996
02/25/06
12/05/06
05/12/07
07/20/07
11/11/10
10/13/11
06/06/14
03/05/17 (today)
This blog has a real use after all!

I thought I'd had three - the first when I was helping a friend move, the one where I'd lost names for a while, and this one.  I'm a bit shocked that there have been so many.

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Our weather has been weird.  We'll have three days in the mid-70s, and then it will suddenly drop back to freezing for four days.  Rinse, repeat.  I don't understand, and I'm very tired of it.

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I have an appointment with the radiation oncologist at Monmouth on Wednesday the 15th, to start radiation planning.  

Sloan Kettering has opened a cancer center only seven miles from my home, and I wanted to switch to Sloan Kettering for the radiation, because Monmouth would involve an eighty minute round trip every day for something like six weeks, bleck.  But Sloan Kettering doesn't accept my insurance.  I made some calls, back and forth between S. K. and my insurance to try to get authorization to go to S. K., and it might have happened, and then one day I realized I was avoiding making the calls.

I don't know why.  Maybe I'm just too tired.  I hate the telephone.   And because it would be out of network, I'm pretty sure the out-of-pocket would be a lot higher.  (Not that cost matters that much.)  And it's only about six weeks.  I don't think I'm depressed, but, well, I just don't feel like fighting.  I quit trying.  I'm just tired.

My final chemo infusion was February 14.  Every cycle has been different - some easier than others, some harder, but in almost every three-week cycle I was feeling lots better within a week, and much better within two weeks.  This last cycle knocked me out.  I'm not sure I could handle another.  Every previous cycle, the onco doc asked me if I had any mouth sores or extremity numbness, and I'd always said no.  This time I had about a week of some kind of tender sore on the roof of my mouth, and a few days of intermittent numbness in the tips of my fingers.  That's all better now.

I still feel awful, and I'm starting the third week.

Nausea has not been a problem.  That problem seems to be solved, but you still feel crappy all the time.  An acquaintance who is in chemo tried to describe how it feels:  it doesn't really feel like you're sick, or even like you're coming down with something, it just feels like something is terribly wrong, and you can't put your finger on it.  (Not surprising that something feels wrong - every cell in the body is being poisoned.)

After thinking about it, I can describe it for me.  It feels like I've been pumped full of air, like a bag of potato chips, and it's causing pressure on everything inside me.  Pressure on my heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, intestines, muscles, everything, everything being squished, and the excess "air" itself makes me weak.  I ended up giggling thinking that, because ever since starting chemo I have had a lot of flatulence.  A LOT!  So the thought of being full of air was, um, interesting.

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It is now much later.  The ocular migraine finished quickly, but midway through the above paragraphs, I discovered I couldn't write.  I couldn't put together sentences that made sense.  I knew what I wanted to say, but it came out wrong.  After my last ocular migraine I couldn't remember or recognize proper names for a half hour or so.  This time I could compose sensible sentences in my head, but when I tried to write/type them they made no sense.  Words were mixed up, spelled wrong, and for some reason every third word was "feel".  Weird.  No problem with names like last time - I tested me a little.  

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I've been sleeping badly lately, and I don't know why.  I do know I involuntarily wake up at about 6:45 every morning, and I wake up furious.  Absolutely spitting mad.  The neighbors across the street have a totally untrained pit bull, and I guess they put him out in the morning (fenced yard), and the damn dog barks CONSTANTLY and angrily and insistently and loudly at something, maybe another dog in a yard on the next street over, for an hour and a half.  No breaks.  Constant.

I doubt that the township has effective animal control, and I doubt I could get anyone to come out to hear him at that hour anyway.  I can't be the only person disturbed.  On the other hand, most other people are getting up to go to work then.  It's bad enough that I have toyed with the thought of doctoring some hamburger (no, that's not something I could do, but it's nice to think about it).

I'm mad at them anyway.  They have made no effort to train the dog in any way.  When the dog is outside, the woman will open the door and yell, "Cody!  Stop jumping at the fence!  Get in here!  Go in the house!" and gets angry when he doesn't obey.  Does she really think the dog understands random English sentences?  I've noticed that trait with most dog owners around here - they have no concept of how to train a dog.  Or even why.
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3952 Research, Relax

Saturday, June 7, 2014

I read some more stuff about optical migraines and TIAs.  Of course, I can't find the precise websites now, but here's a synopsis.

Optic migraine and classic migraine come from the same cause, which "they think" is likely constriction of blood vessels in the brain.  Up to several days before a migraine, you can get hints that it's coming, usually a feeling of tenseness, or depression, or nausea, or constipation ... buncha stuff.

For the past two weeks I've had a feeling of impending doom, and I didn't go to the country house on Thursday as planned because I didn't feel right in my belly.

Next you get the aura.  Various kinds.  An optical migraine is the enlarging jagged flashing in the visual field.

The migraine starts from the constriction of blood vessels.  With me it's all aura, no pain.  The flashing is not in my eyes - it's in my brain.

This is followed by the next phase, when the blood vessels release and dilate, which can cause other symptoms and a throbbing headache.  Those "other" symptoms are interesting.  They can include physical weakness, difficulty speaking, difficulty understanding language, memory problems, and so on.

That can look exactly like a TIA (mini-stroke)!

The whole thing, for an optical migraine, shouldn't take more than an hour or two, with no lasting deficits.  My episode was less than an hour altogether, and the scary garbled speech and blanking on names was maybe a half hour tops.  No headache after.

Then after it's all over, you feel wonderful, light and healthy.

And I did, no remaining impending doom of the previous two weeks, I felt fantastic, energetic, EVEN THOUGH I was afraid I'd just maybe had a bit of a stroke.

So, my conclusion is that if you experience the symptoms of a stroke or TIA but have NOT experienced any kind of migraine in conjunction, then take an aspirin and go to the ER immediately.

If you experience the symptoms with or after a migraine, classic or optic, then see your doctor and get checked out, because who knows.   Maybe it was coincidence.  Maybe not, especially if strokes run in your bloodlines.

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I am not aware of experiencing any garbled speech or memory problems after any other ocular migraine I've had, but then again, for most of them, I was alone.  I very well might not have noticed, not having done anything to expose or test it.   Reading once the jagged flashes were gone didn't seem to be a problem.
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3951 Migraine

Friday, June 6, 2014

Just for the record, I just started an optic (or ocular) migraine about a minute ago.  It's spreading, and soon I won't be able to see anything.  No pain, no danger, this is just so I can look up a record of how often I have them. (I'm glad I'm not driving.)

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I looked up the past ocular migraines:
1996
02/25/06
12/05/06
05/12/07
07/20/07
11/11/10
10/13/11
06/06/14

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The above was about 12/30 pm today.  When it started I was reading an article about WWII American soldiers in England, and the article mentioned Hyde Park, in England.  That sounded familiar, like there's a Hyde Park in New York state, but I couldn't remember where.  I tried to bring up Google maps to look it up, but I couldn't remember how to get to a website.  I was very frustrated, but finally figured it out.  Hyde Park, NY, is the next town south of Rhinebeck, which is south of the country house.  I know it well.  Have to drive through it to get to Poughkeepie.  I was very confused.  How could I not remember where Hyde Park is?  Within a few minutes the ocular migraine had spread to most of my field of vision and I was unable to read the laptop screen, so I gave up and went upstairs to take a bath.

I was soaking in the tub trying to read a book (the visual disturbance had pretty much dissipated by then), and I came across a reference to Franklin Roosevelt.  I couldn't remember who he was.  Then I couldn't remember my daughter's name.  I could remember the Nugget's first name, but not her middle or last name.  I panicked.  I worked very hard, and was able to come up with some names that sounded right.  I tried to say them out loud, and what came out was garbled.  I knew what I wanted to say, I could make the right sounds in my head, but what came out of my mouth was a mess.

Finally I said them right.  I ran through some other names, like Piper's, the Hairless Hunk, The Man.  It was very difficult to remember them, especially their last names, and even when I thought I had them I wasn't sure it was right.  Over the period of maybe 15 minutes it got better.  I could remember names and I could say them out loud.  Within 20 minutes I was not only 100% ok, but I even feel good, better than I have in the past two weeks..

So, maybe this was a TIA (a.k.a. mini-stroke).  Perhaps a tiny blood clot that dissolved quickly.  Or maybe a blood vessel spasm (I've had those in my legs).  I called the doctor I have been assigned by my new insurance, but his Friday hours are 8 to noon.  I refuse to go to the ER.

My history regarding names is poor.  I've had problems remembering names all my life.  One time when Daughter was in high school I called the office to tell them I would be picking her up early for an appointment - and I couldn't remember her name!  I had to hang up and look her name up.  Not being able to remember names is for me normal.  Sometimes I completely blank out.  What was not normal was not being able to speak. 

Whatever it was, it was over quickly, but I guess I should have some tests.  Bleck.  I'll call the doctor Monday.  I am not happy about that.

I didn't want to, but I went over to Daughter's house about 4:45 and told her what had happened, and that for the next two days or so I will call her every two (waking) hours, and if I don't she should check on me.  Naturally, she freaked out.  So she insisted that I accompany her and the Nugget to the grocery store.

I didn't keel over dead or say anything weird, so she seems to have relaxed a bit.

Jeeze!  Am I ever going to get up to the country house?  This is getting ridiculous.
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3367 Keeping Track

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Definition: Apophasis - mentioning something you won't mention, such as
"I won't even mention his arrogance!"

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Just a note so I can keep track. I seem to be having a flareup of fibro. I hurt everywhere, badly. And a few minutes ago an ocular migraine started. I can barely see.

These things seem to happen when I'm physically stressed.
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3158 Ocular/Ophthalmic Migraine

Thursday, November 11, 2010

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer."

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Just a note, for future reference. I'm having one. An optical/ocular/ophthalmic migraine. The third, I think, since the first one that scared me in 1996ish. A bright flashing circle of jagged lines, slowly expanding. No pain, but a heavy "solid" feeling in my right eye.

Very strange.
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1391 Migraine

Friday, July 20, 2007

I won't be able to log Friday today. I just started a silent migraine, and in a few minutes, and for the next perhaps hour, I won't be able to see any detail - and I'm not a touch typist, so that's awkward.

No sympathy - there's no pain with an silent migraine, just a dull ache behind the right eye.
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