Monday, October 11, 2013
More and more bloggers seem to be thinking of quitting, two just this morning, several have disappeared over the past year. Many have moved to Facebook or Twitter or whatever, but although that's a way to keep in touch with friends and family in a "I did this, then I did this" way, it's not the same as bogging in that blogging requires thought and introspection. Well, maybe not always, but often enough.
I
have found that writing (blogging) clarifies my thinking. I'm forced
to put my thoughts to the test of logic. "Does this make sense?"
Sometimes the thinking doesn't make it into the blog, but the thinking
wouldn't have happened without the blog.
Blogging has allowed me to look at things that have happened in a less emotional way, to look at things from several viewpoints, so I'm better able to come to terms with it. Blogging got me out of the hole I'd fallen into after Jay died.
Sometimes I have a strong reaction to some news. If I decide to comment on it in my blog, I have to do some research first, like finding the best link about it, some details, and sometimes along the way I discover that my first impression was entirely wrong.
Blog for yourself, not
for others. When anyone says they have nothing more to say, they really
mean they don't think others want to hear/read it, but they themselves
actually have plenty to mull. And even only one or two lurking readers can
keep you honest with yourself.
.
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Monday, November 11, 2013
Sunday, August 26, 2012
3606 I can be very nasty
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Here's where I say what I'm thinking. I just hope the person I'm saying it about never finds this. On the other hand, maybe she needs the kick in the pants.
------------------------------
A while ago another blogger linked to a blog about a couple currently fighting the husband's brain cancer. Having familiarity with that particular situation I read the blog, starting from the beginning. I didn't get very far before I had to take a break from it, because I got so very annoyed with the wife - and I avoid annoyances these days.
I had to think about my annoyance, distance myself from it, and I think now I can go back to it sometime. Let's face it - I'm very curious as to the husband's treatment and the course of the tumor. Given the continuing search hits on my own "brain cancer timeline" post from a few years ago, a lot of people likely facing the same diagnosis are curious, too. We need to know what to expect. I'd like to know what is different now from when Jay was being treated.
It's amazing how different people handle things in different ways.
When Jay got his diagnosis, we were stunned the first two or three days. Mostly we did internet research. Then one evening we sat against the headboard with our arms around each other and cried. That was the first and last time we cried, and the last time we used the word "cancer". From then on we referred to it as "the tumor". That sounded beatable. Just a pesky lump.
Doctors were privately frank with me about the likely course and prognosis, but they seemed to be aware that Jay was intent on maintaining a positive attitude, and they never mentioned life expectancy to him. They were very positive and supportive.
The only time I mentioned death to him was when he had an especially rough recovery from his third craniotomy, and I said, "Sweetheart, would it be ironic if you beat the tumor, but the treatment killed you?" His response, "If the treatment kills me, then I beat the tumor. It didn't get me." The only time he brought up death himself was when he told me that he didn't want to "die by surprise". He asked me to promise to tell him when he was on the way out. I promised. And I did in his last few hours, when there was nothing else left.
Given that, perhaps it's understandable that I had difficulty with the way this other couple handled it. The wife wails that her husband is DYING! She has already given up. She constantly reminds him that he's DYING! She constantly reminds herself that he's actively engaged in the process of DYING! She seems to want support from him (!), because her husband is DYING! Now, he's young, and with constant reminders from her, he's seeing his life leaking away. What about all the things he'd wanted to do? What about his dreams for the future? But she seems less interested in his feelings, and is focused on what on earth will happen to her when her husband DIES! "Oh, oh, poor meeeeeeeeee! My husband is DYING!"
I hoped that this was just what she said to the blog, just letting it out, screaming to the wall, that in real life she was much more concerned with her husband's feelings and much more positive. And that's ok. I used to get in the car and drive out to the middle of the farm fields, roll up the windows, and scream as loud and as long as I could, until I couldn't scream any more. I screamed for the unfairness of it all, for what was happening to Jay. Then I could drive home and be calm and positive with him. Maybe the blog is her place to scream.
Nope. My hopes were dashed when her birthday came around. Stand-up comedy is a dream of her husband. It gives him joy. He had an opportunity to appear on stage at a comedy club - on her birthday. He wanted to do it, he was excited about it, and she freaked out. That he would dare to ruin her birthday! She argued with him about it. I was shocked. My head spun. Doesn't she realize that she can look forward to more birthdays, with luck more with him? But his chances to do standup might be dwindling? Nope. It's all about meeeeeeee! My husband is DYING on meeeeeee, and now he wants to destroy my birthday, too!
Sorry. At that point I couldn't read much more. I wanted to strangle her.
I gather that she has some kind of chronic medical issues of her own. I understand that she depends on him. I guess she thought he would be there forever to help and emotionally support her. And now all that came crashing down. Ok. Understandable. Self pity is ok. That's when you scream in private.
But, he needs her emotional support right now, and she's failing him.
I'm having a lot of trouble with this. Poor meeeeeeeeee.
I'll go back and give her another chance. I hope she gets a grip. (Oh, by the way, she tends to exaggerate. Like when she talks about the gazillion pages of the application for SS disability. I dealt with that. Mostly the doctor says yea verily, provides a diagnosis and prognosis, and that's about it. I don't remember more than one page I had to fill out - or maybe several pages, but only a few simple questions per page. Not a big deal when the topic is brain cancer. But well, that doesn't get you pity.)
I'm pretty nasty. Arrogant and nasty. And, of course, perfect.
.
We must never confuse dissent with disloyalty.
-- Edward R. Morrow --
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Here's where I say what I'm thinking. I just hope the person I'm saying it about never finds this. On the other hand, maybe she needs the kick in the pants.
------------------------------
A while ago another blogger linked to a blog about a couple currently fighting the husband's brain cancer. Having familiarity with that particular situation I read the blog, starting from the beginning. I didn't get very far before I had to take a break from it, because I got so very annoyed with the wife - and I avoid annoyances these days.
I had to think about my annoyance, distance myself from it, and I think now I can go back to it sometime. Let's face it - I'm very curious as to the husband's treatment and the course of the tumor. Given the continuing search hits on my own "brain cancer timeline" post from a few years ago, a lot of people likely facing the same diagnosis are curious, too. We need to know what to expect. I'd like to know what is different now from when Jay was being treated.
It's amazing how different people handle things in different ways.
When Jay got his diagnosis, we were stunned the first two or three days. Mostly we did internet research. Then one evening we sat against the headboard with our arms around each other and cried. That was the first and last time we cried, and the last time we used the word "cancer". From then on we referred to it as "the tumor". That sounded beatable. Just a pesky lump.
Doctors were privately frank with me about the likely course and prognosis, but they seemed to be aware that Jay was intent on maintaining a positive attitude, and they never mentioned life expectancy to him. They were very positive and supportive.
The only time I mentioned death to him was when he had an especially rough recovery from his third craniotomy, and I said, "Sweetheart, would it be ironic if you beat the tumor, but the treatment killed you?" His response, "If the treatment kills me, then I beat the tumor. It didn't get me." The only time he brought up death himself was when he told me that he didn't want to "die by surprise". He asked me to promise to tell him when he was on the way out. I promised. And I did in his last few hours, when there was nothing else left.
Given that, perhaps it's understandable that I had difficulty with the way this other couple handled it. The wife wails that her husband is DYING! She has already given up. She constantly reminds him that he's DYING! She constantly reminds herself that he's actively engaged in the process of DYING! She seems to want support from him (!), because her husband is DYING! Now, he's young, and with constant reminders from her, he's seeing his life leaking away. What about all the things he'd wanted to do? What about his dreams for the future? But she seems less interested in his feelings, and is focused on what on earth will happen to her when her husband DIES! "Oh, oh, poor meeeeeeeeee! My husband is DYING!"
I hoped that this was just what she said to the blog, just letting it out, screaming to the wall, that in real life she was much more concerned with her husband's feelings and much more positive. And that's ok. I used to get in the car and drive out to the middle of the farm fields, roll up the windows, and scream as loud and as long as I could, until I couldn't scream any more. I screamed for the unfairness of it all, for what was happening to Jay. Then I could drive home and be calm and positive with him. Maybe the blog is her place to scream.
Nope. My hopes were dashed when her birthday came around. Stand-up comedy is a dream of her husband. It gives him joy. He had an opportunity to appear on stage at a comedy club - on her birthday. He wanted to do it, he was excited about it, and she freaked out. That he would dare to ruin her birthday! She argued with him about it. I was shocked. My head spun. Doesn't she realize that she can look forward to more birthdays, with luck more with him? But his chances to do standup might be dwindling? Nope. It's all about meeeeeeee! My husband is DYING on meeeeeee, and now he wants to destroy my birthday, too!
Sorry. At that point I couldn't read much more. I wanted to strangle her.
I gather that she has some kind of chronic medical issues of her own. I understand that she depends on him. I guess she thought he would be there forever to help and emotionally support her. And now all that came crashing down. Ok. Understandable. Self pity is ok. That's when you scream in private.
But, he needs her emotional support right now, and she's failing him.
I'm having a lot of trouble with this. Poor meeeeeeeeee.
I'll go back and give her another chance. I hope she gets a grip. (Oh, by the way, she tends to exaggerate. Like when she talks about the gazillion pages of the application for SS disability. I dealt with that. Mostly the doctor says yea verily, provides a diagnosis and prognosis, and that's about it. I don't remember more than one page I had to fill out - or maybe several pages, but only a few simple questions per page. Not a big deal when the topic is brain cancer. But well, that doesn't get you pity.)
I'm pretty nasty. Arrogant and nasty. And, of course, perfect.
.
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
3278 About Blogs
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I follow about 94 blogs through Google Reader, and another 10 that don't have feeds. Some of them are things like LOLcats, many are news blogs of one type or another, most are people's personal journals. Of those personal blogs, many update only sporadically, and a few are people I happen to know in "real life".
I also read a lot of Just-Plain-Stuff that I find here and there. One thing leads to another, you know, that sort of thing.
I have several regular readers (I haven't the faintest idea why), only a few of whom have been known to leave comments.
A few things I've noticed about bloggers:
A few things I've noticed about blog posts:
About blog readers:
About comments:
What are your thoughts on blogs, bloggers, blogging? Is personal blogging (as opposed to "special topic" blogging) going to be around for a while, or have you, like I, seen blogging dropping off? (That list of "blogs I follow" over there on the right is woefully out of date. Half those people aren't around anymore, but I keep the URL and keep visiting just in case they decide to come back.) Given that a lot of people use anonymous blogging as cheap therapy, will Facebook and the like fill the role?
Over to you....
.
A lot of men consider rape merely assault with a friendly weapon.
-------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------
I follow about 94 blogs through Google Reader, and another 10 that don't have feeds. Some of them are things like LOLcats, many are news blogs of one type or another, most are people's personal journals. Of those personal blogs, many update only sporadically, and a few are people I happen to know in "real life".
I also read a lot of Just-Plain-Stuff that I find here and there. One thing leads to another, you know, that sort of thing.
I have several regular readers (I haven't the faintest idea why), only a few of whom have been known to leave comments.
A few things I've noticed about bloggers:
- Many people with personal blogs start out innocent enough, doing it for themselves, then they find out that if they build up a readership, they can make money! Several of the blogs I had followed for years turned into books. Others don't get a book contract, but they start selling advertising space. And then next thing you know, either they stop blogging (book), or the tone and content changes (advertising).
- Many of the old blogs I had enjoyed suddenly had a post saying, "I'm moving to Facebook! (...or Twitter) Follow me there!" and the blog abruptly died. For about half of them, the owners got disenchanted with Facebook or Twitter when they discovered they didn't have the control over their time that they'd had with a blog, and they came back.
- Many blogs just plain peter out, like the bloggers can't think of anything more to say. That's sad.
- With other bloggers, their life suddenly gets interesting, and they think they don't have time. That's even sadder ... just when things get interesting.
- A lot of bloggers pretend to be something they're not.
- A lot of bloggers flat out lie.
A few things I've noticed about blog posts:
- "TLDR" means "too long, didn't read". Yup. My posts are sometimes long, and I know a lot of people won't read long posts. I don't care.
- Too many posts a day will make people not pay attention. Yup. I often do that too. But again, I don't care. That's one reason I don't subscribe to feeds from many of the good middle-eastern blogs - several have multiple members, and you can get buried in posts. Instead, I visit once a week or so and skim, or more often if I know something interesting is happening.
About blog readers:
- People take things personally. A few months ago I wrote about people who try too hard to be BFFs, and end up turning folks off, and it came from thinking about a guy I used to work with, and a few Mensans, triggered by something I'd read somewhere. I was very surprised when TWO of my blog readers whom I know personally asked me if I was talking about them. Many bloggers have gotten in worse trouble for that kind of misunderstanding, when someone read something and thought they recognized themselves.
- Other times, when a blogger DOES attempt to address some cautionary tale to someone in particular that you know will read it, without naming names, hoping they'll see themselves and "get it", it's really funny how they never recognize that it applies to them. Exactly the opposite of the above point. So if you think something here was addressed to you, you're probably wrong. If you think it wasn't, maybe it was. But mostly it isn't. Mostly I deal in generalities, thoughts that wandered through my head. Maybe you kicked it off, but probably not. Even if I say "a blogger", remember that I follow about 100 bloggers. I'm amazed at the coincidences that crop up constantly.
About comments:
- Most readers never leave a comment.
- There seems to be some kind of convention that all comments on personal blogs must be agreeing/positive/encouraging. Bullpoopy. Fire away. I've been banned from a few blogs for telling the blooger what I thought they needed to hear as opposed to what they wanted to hear, like that they'd find life a lot easier if they quit drinking, or if they're really looking for a nice girl, maybe they should try someplace other than a bar, whatever. Back on AOL Journals, in about 2005, before the economy tanked, I had one occasion when the supporters of a gal who was blatantly soliciting, and GETTING, expensive gifts from her readers, came after me personally because I simply asked, "Have you applied for any jobs?" The spam was incredible. I have learned that people don't want and don't appreciate constructive criticism, but I won't support something I can't agree with, either.
What are your thoughts on blogs, bloggers, blogging? Is personal blogging (as opposed to "special topic" blogging) going to be around for a while, or have you, like I, seen blogging dropping off? (That list of "blogs I follow" over there on the right is woefully out of date. Half those people aren't around anymore, but I keep the URL and keep visiting just in case they decide to come back.) Given that a lot of people use anonymous blogging as cheap therapy, will Facebook and the like fill the role?
Over to you....
.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
1288 Why Did You Start Blogging?
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Jack at "Random thoughts- Do they have meaning?" asks why people started blogging. This is my comment on his blog:
~~Silk said...
My husband and I fought his brain cancer for three years, during which I lost touch with friends. Then after he died, I went into three years of social and emotional seclusion. When I was ready to come out of it, I had no one to talk to.
I talked to my blog. I didn't care if no one read it.
6/07/2007 08:49:00 AM
.
Jack at "Random thoughts- Do they have meaning?" asks why people started blogging. This is my comment on his blog:
~~Silk said...
My husband and I fought his brain cancer for three years, during which I lost touch with friends. Then after he died, I went into three years of social and emotional seclusion. When I was ready to come out of it, I had no one to talk to.
I talked to my blog. I didn't care if no one read it.
6/07/2007 08:49:00 AM
.
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