2744 Now what?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

"I know you believe you understand what you think I said,
but I am not sure you realize that what you heard
is not what I meant."
-- Alan Greenspan, to Congress --

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I've got a problem.

Yesterday and today I had nothing on the calendar, but I had a whole list of things that absolutely must be done soon. Like bills. Estimated taxes. Laundry. Bank. Grocery shopping (I'm almost out of anything Jasper will deign to eat). More. Yesterday I just fooled around all day. I knew that would make today a full day, but a little rest and relaxation would do me good.

Today quickly went to hell.

I have a friend whom I see a few times a month. He has a live-in girlfriend. He and I and a mutual friend were supposed to get together earlier this week, but the two of them didn't show up. I worried a little that his mother was sick, but waited to hear from him. He called this morning to apologize, and said that everything's ok. I told him that's too bad, because I figured that if I didn't see a cast on a leg next time I saw him, I'd have to put one on him. He laughed, then said that actually, something bad did happen.

He and the girlfriend had the biggest fight ever, a really loud and nasty one, over his going out to meet me, apparently, and she has moved out. She says she's not coming back, and he said that as usual, she'll soon realize she can't support herself, and she'll be back, but he's not going to let her in.

I don't think it was really over his going out to meet me (she was invited, but wouldn't have come - she and the third friend despise each other). I think the argument would have happened soon anyway, any trigger would have done. Anyway, I could tell he was in a bad way, so I asked if he wanted to talk about it, and we decided to meet in his office, he'd call me and let me know when he'd be free.

A while later, having not heard from him, I decided to go look for him. I was afraid he'd found a bottle. There are no bars in the village, but there is a liquor store. He's not a regular drinker, but he does drink when he's upset, and then he drinks until he passes out.

I found him in his office, with the door locked, with his younger business associate, and a buddy. And a bottle. Both men were worried about him and didn't seem to know what to do with him. They had locked the door to hide him from clients. They were drinking, too, mostly in an effort to keep him from finishing the bottle himself, I think.

I volunteered to drive him home and get some food into him if they could pour him into my car. He sang to me the whole way home. Except when he was talking. And that's where the problem came in.

He confessed a many-year love for me, says that he falls asleep dreaming of my breasts, loves me, wants me, wants to see me naked, etc. etc. When we got to his house I tried to get him to eat something, or lie down and take a nap, but he didn't want anything but me, hugging a lot.

Oh, Good Grief! I have been aware that he finds me attractive (I don't know why, I'm usually unwashed and unmadeup when I see him, and I've never flirted with or teased him in that way). I'm sure that when he sobers up, he's going to remember what he said and will be embarrassed.

Before I left I looked him in the eye and told him that I am his good friend, that he could say absolutely anything to me and it's ok. I tried to make sure he heard and understood. But I'm afraid everything has changed anyway.

I went back to his office and talked with his associate about maybe getting his daughter to move in with him for a while. He shouldn't be alone. He's one of those people who can't be alone - always needs someone around. That's why the girlfriend lasted so long, even though she's been "just a housemate" for many years. She was company.

He doesn't know any other women. I've been like a buddy, I thought. I think he needs to meet some more women.

I don't know what to do now, how to "be" next time I see him. I don't know whether this has to be talked out or ignored.

I don't know what to do now.

... except laundry, taxes, bills ... it's going to be a long evening ...
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