2677 Split or Dutch?

Sunday, November 29, 2009

The deepest despair is full of secret satisfactions.
-- Albert Speer, Spandau Diaries --

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A "discussion" broke out at lunch yesterday. When the bill arrived, one woman (the one who interrupts and hijacks conversations, and who is quickly becoming a great annoyance to me) figured her food came to (say) $12. She put (say) $14 on the pile, commenting that $2 should cover the tax and tip. This led to a discussion of how much the tax is, and that $2 wasn't going to be enough for both. It varies depending on the location, but generally the tax runs between 8.25% and 8.75%, and the usual tip for the kinds of places we go around here is a bit over 15%.

I mentioned that most of the dinner groups I belong to figure roughly 25% of the base bill to cover both tax and tip, so on that theory she should probably put in $3.

Well, she argued. She said things like "25%? That's a lot! It doesn't sound right!", "It doesn't sound fair!", and when she was asked to decide what was a good tip, and then add 8.5% tax, she angrily declared, several times, "I can't do math!"

The other women thought about it and agreed that 25% was right - 8.5% for tax leaves 16.5% for tip, and that works.

She snorted and declared, "You don't tip on the tax!" (Huh? How is that tipping on the tax?)

She insisted that the only fair way to handle it was to split the bill evenly between all the diners, "That way everyone knows how much they can expect to spend" (huh? how can you plan for that?), and wanted everyone to agree to either split the bill from now on, or insist on separate checks. The other women seemed a bit stunned, and inclined to give in to her. She's one of those very loud women that brook no disagreement.

Duh? Is she really that stupid?

I objected, pointing out that my tab is usually the highest at the table, because I often get multiple vegetable sides, and almost always doggie-bag half the meal, and I wouldn't want others to pay for my food. I'd feel restricted in my choices. And there are people with limited means who will come to the luncheon for the company, and order just a salad because that's all they feel they can afford. This idiot snorted and said "When you leave the house you should plan on $20, or just not come." (Note that she had objected to adding a dollar to the $14 she was willing to pay.)

Next luncheon, I'm going to suggest that she get a separate tab, or by God *I* will! She's really pissing me off with her blockheaded refusal to listen to reason. I don't understand how splitting the bill is "fair", but paying for your own order is "not fair".

Opinions?

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Heh heh. I just thought of a way to get at her. I'll order an appetizer or two, salad, steak entree, couple of sides, and dessert banquet for myself, and let them split it evenly. I'll put in my "share", then I'll distribute money to the other diners so they are out only for what they ordered, and not to her. I'll let her pay for part of my meal.

Yeah, won't work, but I can dream and plot and snicker, can't I?
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