2663 Time.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Men must be careful to never mistake human justice
for divine justice.

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Mac fans should read this: Mac http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/business/15digi.html?_r=4. The corporate culture is changing.

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Miss Thunderfoot is very weak. She's skin and bones and wobbles when she walks. She's been on the special kidney failure diet for a while, but she has stopped eating both the canned and dry food. Yesterday she moved out of the den and into the kitchen, I don't know why. I fixed a nest box for her, and Jasper has been pretty good about not terrorizing her even though she's in his territory. I've been giving her milk yesterday and today. I know milk is very bad for kidney failure, but she's so thin, and I know she has to be hungry, and she dearly loves a bowl of warm milk, so I see no point in not giving it to her. She laps it up and tries to purr.

I see no point in trying to delay the inevitable. I'd rather just try to make it easier on her.

I thought she wouldn't make it through last night. She'd been barely moving for days, and then yesterday she wandered the house like she was searching for something until she finally settled in the kitchen. She sat in front of the refrigerator and called for milk, exactly the way she used to ask Jay for milk, nine years ago. That was their special thing. I weaned her off milk treats after he died, which wasn't that hard because she never asked me for milk. I wonder if now, when the end is near, if she's thinking of Jay when she asks for milk. If maybe it was Jay she was searching for yesterday. She was HIS cat, and his last six months, when he was in the hospital bed in our bedroom, she pretty much lived under his bed.

Humans and animals in a final illness often have a burst of apparent improvement before the end. I've seen it over and over. It's like the mind/body finally accepts what's happening and decides it's ok, and stops sending "illness signals". Every once in a while someone will say "Dad got out of bed today, and started working in the garden!", or "Mom is in the kitchen cooking up a storm!", and I think, "Uh oh."

I was supposed to go to a movie last night, but I canceled. My first daughter, my mother, my husband, and all my cats and dogs have died in my arms, so I wanted to be home for her if it was her time.


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