Well, I responded to the anonymous attorney's wink, and he responded to my email (through the dating site, so there's no personal information attached), and he sent me his telephone number and asked me to call.
Being me, I did a reverse search on the phone number, and guess what? I now have his full name and home address, and he really IS an attorney in private practice in Poughkeepsie. I have no fear of meeting him now. (Except for the fact that he wants "unique beauty and class". Well, I'm certainly unique. Class? Snort!)
And you're not going to believe this coincidence - his home is next door to where Roman once lived. I doubt they have met, but lemme tellya, that totally freaked me out.
I haven't called yet. I'm a little nervous about it. I'm not very good at cold conversation.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Friday, January 06, 2006
#510 Taking the Next Step
I released my online dating profile on a major site last night. I've already received a "wink" from a lawyer in Poughkeepsie. This could be fun.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
#509 The Healing Begins.
Ok, now I'm mad.
He probably thinks his nose is clean because he never made any commitments to me, and made it clear that he was not in commitment mode. Although he signed his cards "With Love", he told me he loved me only twice, and then he was careful to add "but not as much as you want". He said things like "I didn't want to say it because you would make more of it than it is." So he probably thinks he was clear and definite. Aboveboard. Never misled me.
Is he really unaware that actions speak louder than words? All those times when it was so obvious that he was truly happy to see me? When I got buried in huge hugs? All the kisses on the top of my head in public places? All that pressing against cars in restaurant parking lots when we were going home separately after a dinner? The "with love" cards? The times when we had a bad spot, and the next time he saw me he'd rush to me and wrap me in his arms, and say he'd been worried about me? When he tried to make my birthday special (which incidentally, is the day after hers, near the end of October)? All those sweet sweet kisses? When I said goodbye to him at the airport in August (two separate sets of goodbyes), when he held me like he was reluctant to leave, and others there thought we were having such great difficulty tearing ourselves away from each other? When he held my thigh possessively when we sat next to each other in restaurants and at Mensa events, until I asked him not to? The time he teleported himself across a classroom because he thought I might be ill? When he seemed to need and appreciate my love? Does he really think that meant nothing to me? I was aware he had been emotionally battered over the past few years. I naturally assumed he was just being cautious. He kept telling me that he wanted to know "the real me", that he didn't want me to show one side and then change later. Another indication to me that he was being cautious, but was truly interested in me.
So no, he wasn't being clear and definite. He was being devious and cruel. And it was very unfair of him to put me in the position he ultimately did, which guaranteed he'd see my worst side, the jealousy, anger, frustration, and bitterness, and then judge me on that. Especially since she doesn't know about me, so she's still all sweetness. Very unfair. (I'm willing to bet that she sensed his attention drifting back in the beginning, and became sweeter to pull him back.)
Another thing to be angry about is that a few weeks ago, I asked him that if we ever decided not to "see" each other again, that we talk about it in person, not by email or telephone. He said of course, that he would owe me at least that courtesy, that consideration. Those were just about his exact words. He reacted like it was a given. Like how could I think he'd do otherwise. So how did he tell me that he wants to "take a break"? By telephone. So much for courtesy and consideration "owed". He owes me a lot more than that! (Heh. Maybe this means we're not really parting ways, huh? Just a recess, maybe, because he hasn't made it official by saying it in person? Bull poopy.)
In the previous entry I mentioned a friend who had told me about the other woman in mid-October. Another friend who was concerned about me had him investigated, and although this person gave me no details then, just dropped a lot of hints, I was very strongly warned against involvement with him. That was late October, when he was still romancing me, and I couldn't believe otherwise. I guess I have some people around me who care. (On the other hand, friends warned me against Jay, too, and their fears proved groundless.)
And yes, I did go back for the details, later. When it hurt too much not knowing for sure. And I didn't tell Roman all I knew. I needed to hear it from him. So I kept things from him, too, but ironically it was the same things he was keeping from me.
There's one more thing. Among all these facts, this one thing, a mere suspicion, supported by absolutely nothing, hurts the most and makes me most angry. I had brought home two soft purple teddy bears from Daughter's birthday party, and I gave one of them to him. He said he'd never had a teddy bear before and seemed tickled. He put it on top of the microwave, right next to his back door. It was there during my next three visits or so, and then it disappeared. He says he has no idea what happened to it, that perhaps a guest of his housemate had taken it. Or maybe he took it upstairs to his room and misplaced it. The housemate, when asked, said he noticed it was missing one day, too, but that he didn't see how anyone could have taken it. Well, the date it disappeared coincides pretty neatly with what I later found out to be her birthday. The day before mine. The thought that he may have given the bear to her hurts. The idea that I would actually suspect him of that hurts even more to admit. He mostly didn't tell me the whole truth about a lot of things, but at least he never actually lied to me either. The suspicion that he may have lied about this hurts most of all, because then I have to wonder if I ever knew him at all. I gave him a piece of me. I don't want him giving her a piece of me. I want that bear back.
Why am I putting this into a public journal?
Because, if given the opportunity, I may backslide. And if I am tempted, I need to know that you, my friends and family, will slap me soundly upside the head. Repeatedly, if necessary.
He probably thinks his nose is clean because he never made any commitments to me, and made it clear that he was not in commitment mode. Although he signed his cards "With Love", he told me he loved me only twice, and then he was careful to add "but not as much as you want". He said things like "I didn't want to say it because you would make more of it than it is." So he probably thinks he was clear and definite. Aboveboard. Never misled me.
Is he really unaware that actions speak louder than words? All those times when it was so obvious that he was truly happy to see me? When I got buried in huge hugs? All the kisses on the top of my head in public places? All that pressing against cars in restaurant parking lots when we were going home separately after a dinner? The "with love" cards? The times when we had a bad spot, and the next time he saw me he'd rush to me and wrap me in his arms, and say he'd been worried about me? When he tried to make my birthday special (which incidentally, is the day after hers, near the end of October)? All those sweet sweet kisses? When I said goodbye to him at the airport in August (two separate sets of goodbyes), when he held me like he was reluctant to leave, and others there thought we were having such great difficulty tearing ourselves away from each other? When he held my thigh possessively when we sat next to each other in restaurants and at Mensa events, until I asked him not to? The time he teleported himself across a classroom because he thought I might be ill? When he seemed to need and appreciate my love? Does he really think that meant nothing to me? I was aware he had been emotionally battered over the past few years. I naturally assumed he was just being cautious. He kept telling me that he wanted to know "the real me", that he didn't want me to show one side and then change later. Another indication to me that he was being cautious, but was truly interested in me.
So no, he wasn't being clear and definite. He was being devious and cruel. And it was very unfair of him to put me in the position he ultimately did, which guaranteed he'd see my worst side, the jealousy, anger, frustration, and bitterness, and then judge me on that. Especially since she doesn't know about me, so she's still all sweetness. Very unfair. (I'm willing to bet that she sensed his attention drifting back in the beginning, and became sweeter to pull him back.)
Another thing to be angry about is that a few weeks ago, I asked him that if we ever decided not to "see" each other again, that we talk about it in person, not by email or telephone. He said of course, that he would owe me at least that courtesy, that consideration. Those were just about his exact words. He reacted like it was a given. Like how could I think he'd do otherwise. So how did he tell me that he wants to "take a break"? By telephone. So much for courtesy and consideration "owed". He owes me a lot more than that! (Heh. Maybe this means we're not really parting ways, huh? Just a recess, maybe, because he hasn't made it official by saying it in person? Bull poopy.)
In the previous entry I mentioned a friend who had told me about the other woman in mid-October. Another friend who was concerned about me had him investigated, and although this person gave me no details then, just dropped a lot of hints, I was very strongly warned against involvement with him. That was late October, when he was still romancing me, and I couldn't believe otherwise. I guess I have some people around me who care. (On the other hand, friends warned me against Jay, too, and their fears proved groundless.)
And yes, I did go back for the details, later. When it hurt too much not knowing for sure. And I didn't tell Roman all I knew. I needed to hear it from him. So I kept things from him, too, but ironically it was the same things he was keeping from me.
There's one more thing. Among all these facts, this one thing, a mere suspicion, supported by absolutely nothing, hurts the most and makes me most angry. I had brought home two soft purple teddy bears from Daughter's birthday party, and I gave one of them to him. He said he'd never had a teddy bear before and seemed tickled. He put it on top of the microwave, right next to his back door. It was there during my next three visits or so, and then it disappeared. He says he has no idea what happened to it, that perhaps a guest of his housemate had taken it. Or maybe he took it upstairs to his room and misplaced it. The housemate, when asked, said he noticed it was missing one day, too, but that he didn't see how anyone could have taken it. Well, the date it disappeared coincides pretty neatly with what I later found out to be her birthday. The day before mine. The thought that he may have given the bear to her hurts. The idea that I would actually suspect him of that hurts even more to admit. He mostly didn't tell me the whole truth about a lot of things, but at least he never actually lied to me either. The suspicion that he may have lied about this hurts most of all, because then I have to wonder if I ever knew him at all. I gave him a piece of me. I don't want him giving her a piece of me. I want that bear back.
Why am I putting this into a public journal?
Because, if given the opportunity, I may backslide. And if I am tempted, I need to know that you, my friends and family, will slap me soundly upside the head. Repeatedly, if necessary.
#508 Taking a Break
Well, Roman and I are "taking a break". Of course, we know what that really means.
This came out of a phone conversation last night. He brought it up, but I wasn't at all surprised. I had pushed a lot of buttons Monday and Tuesday that I knew I shouldn't have, and for the first time ever I craved cigarettes while I was with him. That means that whatever morphine-related chemical he had been generating in my brain wasn't getting generated any more. I still have very warm and soft feelings for him (especially when I see his smile), but I'm tired of the anger and frustration, the half-truths, the crumbs of time. I'm tired of feeling like a mistress to a married man. I'm tired of feeling second-best. I had told him on Monday that I wasn't looking for anything more for us, even if it didn't work out with the other woman, because I would always feel like second best with him.
I still love him, but it's a standing-away kind of love. I wish him love and happiness in his future, but I don't think he's ever going to find what he wants, needs, and deserves. He knows there's something important missing in his relationship with the other woman, but I guess he thinks it can still happen. After 3 years? He dreams. And one day he will wake up and realize that, and it will be too late to get out of it. I think he's the kind of guy who can't leave one woman until he has another all lined up, and this means he goes from hasty choice to hasty choice, and suffers all over again. But he has to make his own choices, and live with them. I can accept that. That is his fate. Only he can change it.
What amazes me is that I am so calm about it. I haven't cried, and I haven't wanted to. Not ten minutes after he and I ended our call, Jay's eldest sister called, and I told her the whole story. I've always been able to talk with her. It was a very fortunate call. It allowed me to decompress. I even slept well last night.
I admit I am still very angry with him for the way he "rushed" me through late July, August, September, and October. The romance and affection were extreme. A whirlwind. I was very susceptible because there had been no one since Jay, and because I already knew him and knew that I liked him and admired his mind.
He even went through that phase of new love, where you convince yourself and your partner that "this is fate, it was always meant to be", when he told me over and over how he remembered me from a chance meeting in the early 80s, had often thought of me, and then had transferred into my department in the early 90s because he saw my name on the organization chart, and had wanted to get to know me better, but was disappointed when I was so involved with Jay then. Crap like that can turn a gal's head. And bend her heart near to breaking. And the kicker is that the whole time he was romancing me, he was still working on the other woman. THAT's the stinking part.
A friend who knows her, and knew about her and him, told me in mid-October all about her and what was going on, mid-October when I was falling very hard for him, but I thought then that it was old news. That it was pretty much off. It wasn't until he confessed to me in November that I realized that it really truly was still going on and that he had purposely misled me.
So, yeah, I'm angry. Not at his wanting to "take a break", I am ready for that too, I sent him an email Tuesday evening, the night before his call, that pretty much said the same thing, in gentler terms. That I wanted to get back to friendship. I wanted to see him more but on less intimate terms. My version of "taking a break". Cool off.
I am angry at his ever toying with me in the first place. He wasn't serious. He didn't give me a chance, and I doubt that he ever meant to. He wasn't fair and honest. And after I found out what was going on with her, I was a little crazed, which destroyed any chance I may have had with him anyway. I just couldn't believe anyone could do that to me. Not someone whom up to that point I had respected.
I would like to keep the friendship. I still care for him. He can't help it if he's a klutz about his life. I will still see him around occasionally, even if unplanned. Worse, I am registered in a class in February that I do want to take that he's teaching. At some point I'll stop reacting to his smile, and then I'd like to be able to call on him when I need his expertise, and I'd like to be available to him if he ever needs me.
But I will no longer be available to provide the missing pieces in his relationship. It's not good for me or him.
I'm not completely over him, of course. That will take a while. If he came to me and said that the other woman is finally out of his life, and he'd like to try again, then maybe, maybe. Maybe with extreme caution. He's so intelligent, and so damn affectionate, and so very very good in the sack. He's not callous. He's just an emotional mess. He has a good and loving soul somewhere down deep inside there, under all the hurt and pain.
Getting beyond thinking like that is going to take a while.
This came out of a phone conversation last night. He brought it up, but I wasn't at all surprised. I had pushed a lot of buttons Monday and Tuesday that I knew I shouldn't have, and for the first time ever I craved cigarettes while I was with him. That means that whatever morphine-related chemical he had been generating in my brain wasn't getting generated any more. I still have very warm and soft feelings for him (especially when I see his smile), but I'm tired of the anger and frustration, the half-truths, the crumbs of time. I'm tired of feeling like a mistress to a married man. I'm tired of feeling second-best. I had told him on Monday that I wasn't looking for anything more for us, even if it didn't work out with the other woman, because I would always feel like second best with him.
I still love him, but it's a standing-away kind of love. I wish him love and happiness in his future, but I don't think he's ever going to find what he wants, needs, and deserves. He knows there's something important missing in his relationship with the other woman, but I guess he thinks it can still happen. After 3 years? He dreams. And one day he will wake up and realize that, and it will be too late to get out of it. I think he's the kind of guy who can't leave one woman until he has another all lined up, and this means he goes from hasty choice to hasty choice, and suffers all over again. But he has to make his own choices, and live with them. I can accept that. That is his fate. Only he can change it.
What amazes me is that I am so calm about it. I haven't cried, and I haven't wanted to. Not ten minutes after he and I ended our call, Jay's eldest sister called, and I told her the whole story. I've always been able to talk with her. It was a very fortunate call. It allowed me to decompress. I even slept well last night.
I admit I am still very angry with him for the way he "rushed" me through late July, August, September, and October. The romance and affection were extreme. A whirlwind. I was very susceptible because there had been no one since Jay, and because I already knew him and knew that I liked him and admired his mind.
He even went through that phase of new love, where you convince yourself and your partner that "this is fate, it was always meant to be", when he told me over and over how he remembered me from a chance meeting in the early 80s, had often thought of me, and then had transferred into my department in the early 90s because he saw my name on the organization chart, and had wanted to get to know me better, but was disappointed when I was so involved with Jay then. Crap like that can turn a gal's head. And bend her heart near to breaking. And the kicker is that the whole time he was romancing me, he was still working on the other woman. THAT's the stinking part.
A friend who knows her, and knew about her and him, told me in mid-October all about her and what was going on, mid-October when I was falling very hard for him, but I thought then that it was old news. That it was pretty much off. It wasn't until he confessed to me in November that I realized that it really truly was still going on and that he had purposely misled me.
So, yeah, I'm angry. Not at his wanting to "take a break", I am ready for that too, I sent him an email Tuesday evening, the night before his call, that pretty much said the same thing, in gentler terms. That I wanted to get back to friendship. I wanted to see him more but on less intimate terms. My version of "taking a break". Cool off.
I am angry at his ever toying with me in the first place. He wasn't serious. He didn't give me a chance, and I doubt that he ever meant to. He wasn't fair and honest. And after I found out what was going on with her, I was a little crazed, which destroyed any chance I may have had with him anyway. I just couldn't believe anyone could do that to me. Not someone whom up to that point I had respected.
I would like to keep the friendship. I still care for him. He can't help it if he's a klutz about his life. I will still see him around occasionally, even if unplanned. Worse, I am registered in a class in February that I do want to take that he's teaching. At some point I'll stop reacting to his smile, and then I'd like to be able to call on him when I need his expertise, and I'd like to be available to him if he ever needs me.
But I will no longer be available to provide the missing pieces in his relationship. It's not good for me or him.
I'm not completely over him, of course. That will take a while. If he came to me and said that the other woman is finally out of his life, and he'd like to try again, then maybe, maybe. Maybe with extreme caution. He's so intelligent, and so damn affectionate, and so very very good in the sack. He's not callous. He's just an emotional mess. He has a good and loving soul somewhere down deep inside there, under all the hurt and pain.
Getting beyond thinking like that is going to take a while.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
#507 Tired. $400 Worth.
At noon today I headed out in search of new tires. By 4 pm I was tired, tired, and $400 poorer. The new tires are "rated" for 70,000 miles. I'll be happy if they last 50k.
When I asked if I could get 4 new tires and an alignment "right now", the dealer said yeah, no problem.
Problem.
They couldn't get the van onto the "alignment machine", whatever that is, because there was some kind of something or other that caught on the dropped floor of the van (the notorious mere 4 inches of clearance - I have the same problem with automatic carwashes). So he called their store in Kingston, and they didn't think they could do it either. I called around myself. A garage in Red Hook that is familiar with the van from other visits thought maybe they could, with some kind of ramp arrangement, so I've got an appointment for the 13th. As in Friday the 13th. A week and a half away.
So I told them to go ahead and put the new tires on, and I'll figure out the alignment later. The folks I ordered the van through will probably know where I can get it done for sure, they handle a lot of Braun conversions, but they're still on vacation.
Problem.
They couldn't get the van on a lift. They had to jack it up and do each side individually.
But I guess I wasn't the worst problem they had today. While I was waiting, a truck pulled in with the biggest travel trailer I've ever seen, one of those gazillion-wheeled jobbies. They had a flat tire on the trailer. I bet that was fun. I'll bet it wouldn't go on a lift, either.
Then I stopped at the post office and picked up a gift that had been waiting for me since last week. One of Jay's sisters has sent me the most gorgeous velour robe, royal purple (that seems to be my new color - everything's coming up purple), and it is exquisitely soft. I've never felt a robe so light and soft. I've never even felt a sweater so soft, not even silk or cashmere.
I got home at 4:30 and started clearing the remainder of the driveway. The snow was that solid packed stuff that makes nice igloo blocks, about 10 inches of it. I was so happy that the extension cord reached from the garage to the edge of the plowed section. There was no way I could have gotten the snowthrower over the plow piles to get it any closer.
It normally takes me 1 to 1.5 hours to clear the entire driveway. All I had to do this evening was half the flat part at the top, and it took me over an hour. The snow was so dense, I had to keep stopping to allow the auger to chew its way through. And this is a BIG machine.
(Something very strange - I just did a spellcheck, and although it highlighted several words, I opted to change nothing. Then, when I got out of spellcheck and read the entry again, I found that "snowthrower", in the second paragraph up from here, had been changed to "contrariety". Huh? It may be an accurate synonym, but how did spellchecker know that? (And how the heck did it get "contrariety" from "snowthrower", anyway?)) I don't understand....
Later update - the 10 inches of snow was an estimate. I just measured. It was 13 inches. For some reason, our street gets more snow than just below the hill on the highway. We are high, but not that high, so I don't know why. And before anyone yells at me, yes, I have had alignments before - at least two, possibly three on this van, I just don't remember where.
When I asked if I could get 4 new tires and an alignment "right now", the dealer said yeah, no problem.
Problem.
They couldn't get the van onto the "alignment machine", whatever that is, because there was some kind of something or other that caught on the dropped floor of the van (the notorious mere 4 inches of clearance - I have the same problem with automatic carwashes). So he called their store in Kingston, and they didn't think they could do it either. I called around myself. A garage in Red Hook that is familiar with the van from other visits thought maybe they could, with some kind of ramp arrangement, so I've got an appointment for the 13th. As in Friday the 13th. A week and a half away.
So I told them to go ahead and put the new tires on, and I'll figure out the alignment later. The folks I ordered the van through will probably know where I can get it done for sure, they handle a lot of Braun conversions, but they're still on vacation.
Problem.
They couldn't get the van on a lift. They had to jack it up and do each side individually.
But I guess I wasn't the worst problem they had today. While I was waiting, a truck pulled in with the biggest travel trailer I've ever seen, one of those gazillion-wheeled jobbies. They had a flat tire on the trailer. I bet that was fun. I'll bet it wouldn't go on a lift, either.
Then I stopped at the post office and picked up a gift that had been waiting for me since last week. One of Jay's sisters has sent me the most gorgeous velour robe, royal purple (that seems to be my new color - everything's coming up purple), and it is exquisitely soft. I've never felt a robe so light and soft. I've never even felt a sweater so soft, not even silk or cashmere.
I got home at 4:30 and started clearing the remainder of the driveway. The snow was that solid packed stuff that makes nice igloo blocks, about 10 inches of it. I was so happy that the extension cord reached from the garage to the edge of the plowed section. There was no way I could have gotten the snowthrower over the plow piles to get it any closer.
It normally takes me 1 to 1.5 hours to clear the entire driveway. All I had to do this evening was half the flat part at the top, and it took me over an hour. The snow was so dense, I had to keep stopping to allow the auger to chew its way through. And this is a BIG machine.
(Something very strange - I just did a spellcheck, and although it highlighted several words, I opted to change nothing. Then, when I got out of spellcheck and read the entry again, I found that "snowthrower", in the second paragraph up from here, had been changed to "contrariety". Huh? It may be an accurate synonym, but how did spellchecker know that? (And how the heck did it get "contrariety" from "snowthrower", anyway?)) I don't understand....
Later update - the 10 inches of snow was an estimate. I just measured. It was 13 inches. For some reason, our street gets more snow than just below the hill on the highway. We are high, but not that high, so I don't know why. And before anyone yells at me, yes, I have had alignments before - at least two, possibly three on this van, I just don't remember where.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
#506 Home, to Snow/Slush
I'm home again. I went to LaGrange yesterday about 1 pm, and stayed until about 6:30 this evening. Ten inches of snow on top of freezing rain was predicted, so I loaded the snowthrower into the van and took it with me. It would make quick work of Roman's driveway. I stopped on the way and arranged for the Hairless Hunk to plow the main part of my drive so that I could get the van (and snowthrower) up when I got home.
The storm started last night with mixed rain, sleet, and snow, and continued all night. I was surprised that in the morning there was only about two inches of very wet slush on the driveway. Then today there were light snow showers all day. But again, there was very little accumulation on the ground, although there were maybe 4 inches of mushy snow on the deck.
Imagine my surprise when I got home and found somewhere between 8 and 10 inches of heavy wet snow in the driveway. A path had been plowed to the top, and the plow heaps were higher than the hood of the van. As requested, HH had not plowed most of the flat area at the top (although he had to do some to be able to turn his truck around).
I guess we did get a little more than LaGrange got.
I'll have to finish it with the snowthrower tomorrow. I hope it doesn't freeze solid overnight. I could have a real mess out there.
Also tomorrow I have to do something about the tires on the van. When I drove to New Jersey back before Christmas, I noticed that at about 63 mph the front and the steering wheel were shimmying. I assumed it was the alignment or something. But it has been getting worse. Now it shimmies badly below 35 and above 45. Roman looked at the tires and found a 1-inch jagged tear in the driver's side front tire sidewall. Very strange. How could that happen? Now I'm worried that maybe a belt has shifted? I drove all the way home from LaGrange this evening at 40-45 mph. It took an hour. So not only did I drive home slowly, I had a steel grip on the steering wheel.
There's been something wrong with those tires since day one. They have worn very badly on the outside edges of the tread, but they were never underinflated. They have less than 40,000 miles on them. I think tomorrow I'll replace at least the front two. Next summer, the rear two.
I overstayed my welcome in LaGrange, I think. If we don't have to get out because he has to go to work, that happens. I'm such a pain sometimes. Well, maybe usually. I can't seem to let things go. I attack his reticence. And I can't seem to say goodbye because it's like I'm afraid one of these days he'll come to his senses and this will be the last I see of him. So, I sense he's anxious to get to other matters, and my presence distracts him he says, no matter how I try to stay out of his way, and then I turn kittenish and outrageous, and then things spin out of control. I hate when I do that. But it had been two weeks since I'd seen him last, and I was starving. I don't think he understands that.
.... My insecurities are showing.
To bed early tonight. I hope I can get to sleep in decent time. Much work to do tomorrow.
The storm started last night with mixed rain, sleet, and snow, and continued all night. I was surprised that in the morning there was only about two inches of very wet slush on the driveway. Then today there were light snow showers all day. But again, there was very little accumulation on the ground, although there were maybe 4 inches of mushy snow on the deck.
Imagine my surprise when I got home and found somewhere between 8 and 10 inches of heavy wet snow in the driveway. A path had been plowed to the top, and the plow heaps were higher than the hood of the van. As requested, HH had not plowed most of the flat area at the top (although he had to do some to be able to turn his truck around).
I guess we did get a little more than LaGrange got.
I'll have to finish it with the snowthrower tomorrow. I hope it doesn't freeze solid overnight. I could have a real mess out there.
Also tomorrow I have to do something about the tires on the van. When I drove to New Jersey back before Christmas, I noticed that at about 63 mph the front and the steering wheel were shimmying. I assumed it was the alignment or something. But it has been getting worse. Now it shimmies badly below 35 and above 45. Roman looked at the tires and found a 1-inch jagged tear in the driver's side front tire sidewall. Very strange. How could that happen? Now I'm worried that maybe a belt has shifted? I drove all the way home from LaGrange this evening at 40-45 mph. It took an hour. So not only did I drive home slowly, I had a steel grip on the steering wheel.
There's been something wrong with those tires since day one. They have worn very badly on the outside edges of the tread, but they were never underinflated. They have less than 40,000 miles on them. I think tomorrow I'll replace at least the front two. Next summer, the rear two.
I overstayed my welcome in LaGrange, I think. If we don't have to get out because he has to go to work, that happens. I'm such a pain sometimes. Well, maybe usually. I can't seem to let things go. I attack his reticence. And I can't seem to say goodbye because it's like I'm afraid one of these days he'll come to his senses and this will be the last I see of him. So, I sense he's anxious to get to other matters, and my presence distracts him he says, no matter how I try to stay out of his way, and then I turn kittenish and outrageous, and then things spin out of control. I hate when I do that. But it had been two weeks since I'd seen him last, and I was starving. I don't think he understands that.
.... My insecurities are showing.
To bed early tonight. I hope I can get to sleep in decent time. Much work to do tomorrow.
Monday, January 02, 2006
#505 Satin Sheets to Lie On
I put satin sheets on my bed Saturday night. Not because I wanted satin sheets, but because there weren't any clean cotton sets.
Back when I bought them, a year or so ago, someone had told me not to get the woven satin ones because they were too hot and too slippery. They said to get the knit satin. So I did. This is the first time I've used them.
If this is less slippery, I don't want to think about the others!
The bottom sheet is fitted, and the top sheet has a fitted foot, which is nice. I have a feather bed on top of the mattress, under the bottom sheet, and a lofty down comforter over the top sheet.
I spent Saturday night chasing the comforter around the bedroom.
The top sheet slides off the bottom, and the comforter slides off the top sheet. The fitting at the foot of the top sheet doesn't help any. And since when I had changed the sheets I had fluffed up the feather bed, if I got too close to the edge of the bed, I slid out. And the pillows kept escaping.
Miss Thunderfoot likes them even less. When she jumps up on the bed, the whole surface slides. She got dumped twice, and now she asks me to lift her up.
I gotta wash those cotton sheets SOON!
Back when I bought them, a year or so ago, someone had told me not to get the woven satin ones because they were too hot and too slippery. They said to get the knit satin. So I did. This is the first time I've used them.
If this is less slippery, I don't want to think about the others!
The bottom sheet is fitted, and the top sheet has a fitted foot, which is nice. I have a feather bed on top of the mattress, under the bottom sheet, and a lofty down comforter over the top sheet.
I spent Saturday night chasing the comforter around the bedroom.
The top sheet slides off the bottom, and the comforter slides off the top sheet. The fitting at the foot of the top sheet doesn't help any. And since when I had changed the sheets I had fluffed up the feather bed, if I got too close to the edge of the bed, I slid out. And the pillows kept escaping.
Miss Thunderfoot likes them even less. When she jumps up on the bed, the whole surface slides. She got dumped twice, and now she asks me to lift her up.
I gotta wash those cotton sheets SOON!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
#504 Did You Eat Your Sauerkraut Today?
Yup. Sauerkraut on New Year's Day. Ensures luck for the year. Family tradition. I made it with kielbasa. Yummy. I'm spending the day with Roman tomorrow. Hmmmm. Kielbasa and sauerkraut may be a mistake.
The first thing I did today was clear the driveway. It went really fast this time.
You have to get the hand rhythm on that thing. The thingy to make the wheels go is on the right handlebar, the thingy to make the screws go is on the left handlebar, and the shift is across the middle. Shift into 3-forward. Squeeze with the left hand to engage the screws. Squeeze with the right hand to engage the wheels. Go forward. *Release right hand. When chute is empty, release left hand (screws must be disengaged to shift, and must remain disengaged when in reverse). Shift into reverse. Squeeze right hand. DO NOT squeeze left hand. Back up. Release right hand. Shift into 3-forward. Squeeze left hand. Squeeze right hand. Go forward. Repeat from *.
A problem I've had in the past is that I forget to release the left hand when shifting and when in reverse. I guess because it seems most normal to shift with the right, the left hand has nothing to do, so it just keeps holding the thingy down. Today I pretended to be left-handed, and I shifted with the left hand, and that cured my problem.
Within three or four stiff shifts, it seems to have also cured the snowthrower's problem. We really worked like a team today! So to reward it, I went out and bought it some fresh gas.
Yummy.
The first thing I did today was clear the driveway. It went really fast this time.
You have to get the hand rhythm on that thing. The thingy to make the wheels go is on the right handlebar, the thingy to make the screws go is on the left handlebar, and the shift is across the middle. Shift into 3-forward. Squeeze with the left hand to engage the screws. Squeeze with the right hand to engage the wheels. Go forward. *Release right hand. When chute is empty, release left hand (screws must be disengaged to shift, and must remain disengaged when in reverse). Shift into reverse. Squeeze right hand. DO NOT squeeze left hand. Back up. Release right hand. Shift into 3-forward. Squeeze left hand. Squeeze right hand. Go forward. Repeat from *.
A problem I've had in the past is that I forget to release the left hand when shifting and when in reverse. I guess because it seems most normal to shift with the right, the left hand has nothing to do, so it just keeps holding the thingy down. Today I pretended to be left-handed, and I shifted with the left hand, and that cured my problem.
Within three or four stiff shifts, it seems to have also cured the snowthrower's problem. We really worked like a team today! So to reward it, I went out and bought it some fresh gas.
Yummy.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
#503 NO plans for the Evening!
Well, I didn't have to work up any enthusiasm after all. I looked out the front door at about 4 pm, and there was a dusting of snow. But then it stopped, and I thought, well, ok, that's not a show stopper. A 6:30 pm I heard very loud strange thumpings and bangings and crashings out front, and I looked out the door in time to see the town plowtruck wending its way from mailbox to mailbox gathering crash points. And four inches of snow on the ground. (I hope my mailbox survived....) Now, THAT's the show stopper. The party is a good 40 minute drive away, through woods. If the snow keeps up I wouldn't be able to get up my street, let alone the driveway, when I got home.
(The thermometer on the door says 40 degrees. Nothing nicer on a 350' driveway than frozen slush.)
Well, at least my hair is clean.
But what am I going to do with three bottles of champagne and a bowl of pomegranate sections?
(The thermometer on the door says 40 degrees. Nothing nicer on a 350' driveway than frozen slush.)
Well, at least my hair is clean.
But what am I going to do with three bottles of champagne and a bowl of pomegranate sections?
#502 Plans for the Evening?
In an effort to fix whatever is wrong with the formatting of this journal on AOL, I changed to use a different template (photo, profile, and links on the left, different colors, etc - you just choose one from a selection offered by Blogger). It not only didn't work, it is now broken on Netscape, too! The photo came out on the top left ok, but the profile and links were way down on the bottom. Sigh. I don't understand. I'm going back to the old template. You'll probably see it in a few hours.
I'm half considering going to a party tonight. Depends on whether I can get to the stores in time to pick up something decent to contribute, and whether I can get some stuff finished that has to be done by Monday. And my hair washed. And some kind of enthusiasm worked up.
Piper is going to want some specific stock info early next week - he told me there'd be quarterly reports arriving in December (most of the stock we want to sell is "book entry", no certificates) and I should save the reports for him. Well, I ain't seen no quarterly reports! I'll have to dig and see what I can find of some old ones.
~~Silk
I'm half considering going to a party tonight. Depends on whether I can get to the stores in time to pick up something decent to contribute, and whether I can get some stuff finished that has to be done by Monday. And my hair washed. And some kind of enthusiasm worked up.
Piper is going to want some specific stock info early next week - he told me there'd be quarterly reports arriving in December (most of the stock we want to sell is "book entry", no certificates) and I should save the reports for him. Well, I ain't seen no quarterly reports! I'll have to dig and see what I can find of some old ones.
~~Silk
Friday, December 30, 2005
#501 Why I Need TV
Daughter, you will be thrilled to know that I haven't had a television set on for more than 6 hours total in the past several weeks. The latest Survivor and The Amazing Race ended, and PBS has been screwing around with the schedules and obsessed with the holidays, so I can't get my Ballykissangel fix, so one day I didn't turn a TV on, and haven't much since.
I used to say that living alone, I needed a television on in the background to remind me of time passing, otherwise I'd get lost in time and space. Well, that's true to some degree. Used to be when I heard the pretty lady judge's voice, I automatically started looking for something to eat. When I heard the late night shows, I started thinking about bed.
Now, without the TV, I often discover that it's 11 pm and I haven't eaten anything all day. And 3 am comes on surprisingly fast. But that's not the biggest problem!
I have rediscovered why I need voices in the background.
It keeps the music out of my brain.
You know how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head, and it keeps playing over and over? I get that in spades! When it's quiet in the house, whatever was the last piece of music I heard keeps running through my head. Classical, folk, belly dance, carols in a store, instrumental or voice, it doesn't matter. Sometimes it's so strong and so loud I can't think of anything else. It's driving me batty. One day without thinking I played the Tibetan singing bowls CD in the van as I was heading home, and that night I was ready to shoot myself. The past three days it's been Joan Baez's Please Come to Boston.
Having the TV or talk radio on keeps it at bay.
I refuse to give in to it. I won't be forced to turn the TV or radio on.
I'm trying an experiment this evening. I loaded the CD player with five hours of mixed genres, set it for random, and we'll see what happens.
If you find me on your doorstep in the middle of the night, screaming "Make it stop! Make it stop!", you'll know it backfired.
~~Silk
I used to say that living alone, I needed a television on in the background to remind me of time passing, otherwise I'd get lost in time and space. Well, that's true to some degree. Used to be when I heard the pretty lady judge's voice, I automatically started looking for something to eat. When I heard the late night shows, I started thinking about bed.
Now, without the TV, I often discover that it's 11 pm and I haven't eaten anything all day. And 3 am comes on surprisingly fast. But that's not the biggest problem!
I have rediscovered why I need voices in the background.
It keeps the music out of my brain.
You know how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head, and it keeps playing over and over? I get that in spades! When it's quiet in the house, whatever was the last piece of music I heard keeps running through my head. Classical, folk, belly dance, carols in a store, instrumental or voice, it doesn't matter. Sometimes it's so strong and so loud I can't think of anything else. It's driving me batty. One day without thinking I played the Tibetan singing bowls CD in the van as I was heading home, and that night I was ready to shoot myself. The past three days it's been Joan Baez's Please Come to Boston.
Having the TV or talk radio on keeps it at bay.
I refuse to give in to it. I won't be forced to turn the TV or radio on.
I'm trying an experiment this evening. I loaded the CD player with five hours of mixed genres, set it for random, and we'll see what happens.
If you find me on your doorstep in the middle of the night, screaming "Make it stop! Make it stop!", you'll know it backfired.
~~Silk
#500.3 I Fixed the Missing "About Me"
It was post #495 that was messing up the formatting - AOL as a browser doesn't seem to handle tables very well. I removed the outer table, and I think it's fixed now.
~~Silk
~~Silk
Thursday, December 29, 2005
#500 Searching for...
I have noticed that my journal entries show up in Google searches. Not right away, it takes a while, but eventually. So if I were to put the name of someone I'm looking for in here, and if that person or someone who knows them were to "google" them, they'll see my entry. Wow. A possible source of leads! (I'm finding those stupid people-finder sites to be a waste of time and money. Either they give you a free load of undifferentiated garbage, or they charge you first, then give you garbage.) So, here goes:
I am searching for Raymond S. Gutosky, Raymond Gutosky, Ray Gutosky, born 1943-45, originally from Lopez, Pa., went to Pitt. Univ.
I am searching for Joseph M. Kulsicavage, Joseph Kulsicavage, Joe Kulsicavage, born 1943-45, went to Turnpike HS, Mildred, Pa.
I am searching for Deloris Delovich (maiden name), born 1943-45, originally from Lopez, Pa.
I am searching for Ronald Riordan, Ron Riordan, born 1943-45, went to Turnpike HS, Mildred, Pa.
I am searching for Eugene Richley, Gene Richley, born 1943-45, went to Turnpike HS, Mildred, Pa.
I am searching for Edward Guy Wood, Edward G. Wood, Edward Wood, Ed Wood, born 1943-46, was a member of Washington DC Mensa in the 80s.
I am searching for John Wolford, born 1943-45, went to Benton HS, Benton, Pa.
I am searching for Robert Morris Derrick, Robert M. Derrick, Robert Derrick, Bob Derrick, born 1941-44, originally from Shamokin, Pa, big dimple in his chin. [Update 03/12/10 - I have discovered through the Social Security death lists that Bob Derrick died in the late '90s.]
I am searching for Judy Belcher (maiden name), born 1943-45, went to Benton HS, Benton, Pa.
I am searching for Diane Bithell (maiden name), born 1943-45, originally from Ottawa, Canada.
I guess that'll do it for now. If you have any information on these people, leave me a comment with any details you have. Remember, if there is contact information in the comment, I WILL NOT publish the comment. It will remain private between you and me.
If you and I are searching for the same names, hey, maybe you and I know each other!
If you actually know these people, you could point them to this journal (you can send them the link to this entry, found at the bottom of the entry) instead of sending me info. Maybe they'll recognize the photo (20-40 years later? Yeah, sure!) and they can contact me themselves. Tell them it's the itty bitty gal from the air force base. All but Diane will recognize that description. Tell Diane it's her American friend from the 7th grade.
Thanks.
~~Silk
I am searching for Raymond S. Gutosky, Raymond Gutosky, Ray Gutosky, born 1943-45, originally from Lopez, Pa., went to Pitt. Univ.
I am searching for Joseph M. Kulsicavage, Joseph Kulsicavage, Joe Kulsicavage, born 1943-45, went to Turnpike HS, Mildred, Pa.
I am searching for Deloris Delovich (maiden name), born 1943-45, originally from Lopez, Pa.
I am searching for Ronald Riordan, Ron Riordan, born 1943-45, went to Turnpike HS, Mildred, Pa.
I am searching for Eugene Richley, Gene Richley, born 1943-45, went to Turnpike HS, Mildred, Pa.
I am searching for Edward Guy Wood, Edward G. Wood, Edward Wood, Ed Wood, born 1943-46, was a member of Washington DC Mensa in the 80s.
I am searching for John Wolford, born 1943-45, went to Benton HS, Benton, Pa.
I am searching for Robert Morris Derrick, Robert M. Derrick, Robert Derrick, Bob Derrick, born 1941-44, originally from Shamokin, Pa, big dimple in his chin. [Update 03/12/10 - I have discovered through the Social Security death lists that Bob Derrick died in the late '90s.]
I am searching for Judy Belcher (maiden name), born 1943-45, went to Benton HS, Benton, Pa.
I am searching for Diane Bithell (maiden name), born 1943-45, originally from Ottawa, Canada.
I guess that'll do it for now. If you have any information on these people, leave me a comment with any details you have. Remember, if there is contact information in the comment, I WILL NOT publish the comment. It will remain private between you and me.
If you and I are searching for the same names, hey, maybe you and I know each other!
If you actually know these people, you could point them to this journal (you can send them the link to this entry, found at the bottom of the entry) instead of sending me info. Maybe they'll recognize the photo (20-40 years later? Yeah, sure!) and they can contact me themselves. Tell them it's the itty bitty gal from the air force base. All but Diane will recognize that description. Tell Diane it's her American friend from the 7th grade.
Thanks.
~~Silk
#499 Weird Stuff
I had a terrible time with AOL when I signed in this morning. There was nothing in the mail box (last night there were 40+ emails - most are notes from far-flung friends that I am very late in responding to, bad me), nothing in the "Favorites" list, and both journals were missing from the navigation bar. Whoa!
I went to www.aol.com, and was able to at least get to my mail, but it was awkward. I wondered what was wrong with my AOL.
Several hours and much frustration later I figured it out. Last night, just before shutting down, I had switched from my primary AOL id to an alternate screenname to check something, and hadn't switched back. When AOL came up this morning, it was still under the alternate id. Oops....
There's a new meme going around AOL Journals now - you have to describe five weird habits you have. One woman, for example, eats colored candies (M&Ms, Skittles, etc.) only in a certain color order, and never fewer than two at a time. Yeah, ok, that's weird.
That got me thinking about my weird habits.
I can't think of any! Maybe I have some habits that others don't, but there are very logical reasons (like when I will always choose the route with the fewest turns, even if it's longer, simply because it's easier and I can think about other things), and therefore they're not weird. Or something like that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Maybe it's that I don't much form habits. Maybe that's my weirdness. Like I don't change the sheets on any kind of schedule - something has to scream at me "Change the sheets you slattern!", like the smell, or the inch of cat hair on them or something. And I don't remember to balance the checkbook. I'm about two years behind on that now. I keep promising myself I will sit down and pay bills etc. on the 1st and the 15th of every month. I've been making that promise for 40 years now, and it rarely happens. Bills sometimes don't get paid until someone threatens to cut something off (like the electricity, or my left pinky finger). And yet I have an excellent credit rating, so there's no incentive to do better. Go figure.
Here's one, maybe: When I stay in a hotel, I clean up after myself better than I do at home. I even make the bed in the morning if I'm going to be there multiple days, and I leave a note to the maid not to bother changing it. That's probably weird.
Another: I'm always late. Even if I leave especially early for some event, something will invariably happen along the way to make me late. It's so bad most of my friends will tell me something is scheduled a half hour earlier than actual, just to give me lead time. But that's not a habit - that's how my life goes!
Not a habit, more a personality quirk: I can't accept anything just because someone says it's so. I have to examine it and question it and touch it and poke it until I fully understand it and absorb it inside myself. When the doctor first gave Jay the brain cancer diagnosis, I asked "What type of cells are involved?", and she answered "That's not something you need to be concerned about. It wouldn't mean anything to you.", and Jay actually stiffened and gasped and grabbed my arm. He knew that's not something anyone can say to me and live.
Can't think of anything else. Anyone? (And don't get smart! I'm moderating comments!)
~~Silk
I went to www.aol.com, and was able to at least get to my mail, but it was awkward. I wondered what was wrong with my AOL.
Several hours and much frustration later I figured it out. Last night, just before shutting down, I had switched from my primary AOL id to an alternate screenname to check something, and hadn't switched back. When AOL came up this morning, it was still under the alternate id. Oops....
There's a new meme going around AOL Journals now - you have to describe five weird habits you have. One woman, for example, eats colored candies (M&Ms, Skittles, etc.) only in a certain color order, and never fewer than two at a time. Yeah, ok, that's weird.
That got me thinking about my weird habits.
I can't think of any! Maybe I have some habits that others don't, but there are very logical reasons (like when I will always choose the route with the fewest turns, even if it's longer, simply because it's easier and I can think about other things), and therefore they're not weird. Or something like that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Maybe it's that I don't much form habits. Maybe that's my weirdness. Like I don't change the sheets on any kind of schedule - something has to scream at me "Change the sheets you slattern!", like the smell, or the inch of cat hair on them or something. And I don't remember to balance the checkbook. I'm about two years behind on that now. I keep promising myself I will sit down and pay bills etc. on the 1st and the 15th of every month. I've been making that promise for 40 years now, and it rarely happens. Bills sometimes don't get paid until someone threatens to cut something off (like the electricity, or my left pinky finger). And yet I have an excellent credit rating, so there's no incentive to do better. Go figure.
Here's one, maybe: When I stay in a hotel, I clean up after myself better than I do at home. I even make the bed in the morning if I'm going to be there multiple days, and I leave a note to the maid not to bother changing it. That's probably weird.
Another: I'm always late. Even if I leave especially early for some event, something will invariably happen along the way to make me late. It's so bad most of my friends will tell me something is scheduled a half hour earlier than actual, just to give me lead time. But that's not a habit - that's how my life goes!
Not a habit, more a personality quirk: I can't accept anything just because someone says it's so. I have to examine it and question it and touch it and poke it until I fully understand it and absorb it inside myself. When the doctor first gave Jay the brain cancer diagnosis, I asked "What type of cells are involved?", and she answered "That's not something you need to be concerned about. It wouldn't mean anything to you.", and Jay actually stiffened and gasped and grabbed my arm. He knew that's not something anyone can say to me and live.
Can't think of anything else. Anyone? (And don't get smart! I'm moderating comments!)
~~Silk
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
#498 Adversarial Law
Neighbor Nan and I got to talking about mediated divorces yesterday. I complained that as soon as you get two lawyers involved, if things weren't nasty before, they get nasty real quick, because the lawyers aren't really fighting for their clients, they're just fighting to score against each other. Nan said that in Austria, a divorce is handled by one lawyer, who advises both parties on what is equitable, fair, and legal.
That isn't allowed in the US.
I've known a lot of lawyers, and I've found that when you find one who likes to go to court, who looks forward to the fray, he or she is usually less interested in truth and justice, and more interested in simply winning. Regardless of what's right.
I used to laugh at The Company lawyers. When they smelled conflict, you could almost hear the swords rattling against the shields. And once they mounted up, they weren't going to let anything like compromise or offers or new information deter them from battle, from that taste of blood and victory.
In France, according to Jay and his father at least, the object of the courts is to find the truth. Cases are presided over by a panel of judges, who direct the research and investigation, and choose, summon, and question the witnesses. They want the whole truth, not someone's filtered and slanted version of it, and they keep probing until they are satisfied they've got it. Contrast this with American courts, where the object often seems to be to prevent the whole truth from coming out, to pit one attorney's skill at obfuscation and blocking against another's, winner take all.
This means that in the US, the outcome of family, civil, and criminal cases is often determined not by the truth and law, but by whose lawyer could dance faster. Which actually translates to who had the most money. Which explains a lot about the demographics of the prisons.
If I were innocent, I'd want a French court. If I were guilty, I'd want an American court and a rich uncle. That doesn't sound nice at all.
~~Silk
That isn't allowed in the US.
I've known a lot of lawyers, and I've found that when you find one who likes to go to court, who looks forward to the fray, he or she is usually less interested in truth and justice, and more interested in simply winning. Regardless of what's right.
I used to laugh at The Company lawyers. When they smelled conflict, you could almost hear the swords rattling against the shields. And once they mounted up, they weren't going to let anything like compromise or offers or new information deter them from battle, from that taste of blood and victory.
In France, according to Jay and his father at least, the object of the courts is to find the truth. Cases are presided over by a panel of judges, who direct the research and investigation, and choose, summon, and question the witnesses. They want the whole truth, not someone's filtered and slanted version of it, and they keep probing until they are satisfied they've got it. Contrast this with American courts, where the object often seems to be to prevent the whole truth from coming out, to pit one attorney's skill at obfuscation and blocking against another's, winner take all.
This means that in the US, the outcome of family, civil, and criminal cases is often determined not by the truth and law, but by whose lawyer could dance faster. Which actually translates to who had the most money. Which explains a lot about the demographics of the prisons.
If I were innocent, I'd want a French court. If I were guilty, I'd want an American court and a rich uncle. That doesn't sound nice at all.
~~Silk
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
#497 Tea With a Neighbor
My doorbell rang midmorning today, well before I was washed or dressed. There was a woman on my doorstep, gray hair, right arm in a sling. A stranger. No car in the driveway. She introduced herself in a strong Austrian accent, and said that she had wanted to meet me for several years, and here she is. Hello. She pretty much asked me to invite her in for tea.
Huh?
I explained that my house was not in company condition (neither was I at the moment, for that matter) and opened the door a little more to show her. (Eek!) So she invited me to her house, just down the street, for tea, at 3 pm.
Where I got the rest of the story.
Later, much later, like just a few minutes ago, it occurred to me that her presentation at my door was exactly that of those home invasion teams, where a harmless-looking person asks entry, and then lets her cronies in to rob the occupants. At the time, it never occurred to me to wonder what evil weapon she might have had in that sling. Wow. Until a few minutes ago, if it hadn't been for my mess, I could have been easy pickings!
But, of course, that wasn't the case. She was exactly what she claimed to be.
The story: Back in the early summer of 2001, when Jay was blind, partially paralyzed, and in a wheelchair, some neighbors hosted a block party, and Jay and I went. This woman (I'll call her Nan) was living in Brooklyn and visiting friends on our street , and also went to the party. She says she was very struck by the "obvious care, love, and devotion" I showed Jay that day. She never forgot it. She kept going on about it. It impressed her so much she wanted to meet me.
Two years ago, her friends moved, and Nan and her husband bought the house from them and moved up here. She asked around, trying to find out who I was and where I lived, but nobody was sure (this is not really a very neighborly street, everybody works and half the people are seasonal, and I don't get around much), until the Hairless Hunk recognized her description and told her where I lived.
So that's why she appeared on my doorstep.
I stayed only an hour, had to go to the post office and the bank. She had fallen on the ice two weeks ago and broken her wrist - that's why the sling. She can't drive now, so I offered her my services. Dental appointment coming up, she'll call.
She asked how old Jay was when he died, and I said 49, I was 8 years older than he. That surprised her. She said that I looked so young at the block party, she thought at first I was his daughter, but the interplay between us was so intense it confused her, and people said yes, that's his wife. (Daughter, is it possible that over the past four years she has confused you and me? Were you at that block party? I seem to think you were.)
So, I think I may have acquired a new friend. I sorta wanted someone nearby to have casual kitchen table visits with. On the other hand, I cherish my privacy. On the third hand, she seems to know almost everyone else on the street, so maybe through her I'll meet more people.
Oh, fooey. Stop overthinking it. Just go with it for once.
~~Silk
Huh?
I explained that my house was not in company condition (neither was I at the moment, for that matter) and opened the door a little more to show her. (Eek!) So she invited me to her house, just down the street, for tea, at 3 pm.
Where I got the rest of the story.
Later, much later, like just a few minutes ago, it occurred to me that her presentation at my door was exactly that of those home invasion teams, where a harmless-looking person asks entry, and then lets her cronies in to rob the occupants. At the time, it never occurred to me to wonder what evil weapon she might have had in that sling. Wow. Until a few minutes ago, if it hadn't been for my mess, I could have been easy pickings!
But, of course, that wasn't the case. She was exactly what she claimed to be.
The story: Back in the early summer of 2001, when Jay was blind, partially paralyzed, and in a wheelchair, some neighbors hosted a block party, and Jay and I went. This woman (I'll call her Nan) was living in Brooklyn and visiting friends on our street , and also went to the party. She says she was very struck by the "obvious care, love, and devotion" I showed Jay that day. She never forgot it. She kept going on about it. It impressed her so much she wanted to meet me.
Two years ago, her friends moved, and Nan and her husband bought the house from them and moved up here. She asked around, trying to find out who I was and where I lived, but nobody was sure (this is not really a very neighborly street, everybody works and half the people are seasonal, and I don't get around much), until the Hairless Hunk recognized her description and told her where I lived.
So that's why she appeared on my doorstep.
I stayed only an hour, had to go to the post office and the bank. She had fallen on the ice two weeks ago and broken her wrist - that's why the sling. She can't drive now, so I offered her my services. Dental appointment coming up, she'll call.
She asked how old Jay was when he died, and I said 49, I was 8 years older than he. That surprised her. She said that I looked so young at the block party, she thought at first I was his daughter, but the interplay between us was so intense it confused her, and people said yes, that's his wife. (Daughter, is it possible that over the past four years she has confused you and me? Were you at that block party? I seem to think you were.)
So, I think I may have acquired a new friend. I sorta wanted someone nearby to have casual kitchen table visits with. On the other hand, I cherish my privacy. On the third hand, she seems to know almost everyone else on the street, so maybe through her I'll meet more people.
Oh, fooey. Stop overthinking it. Just go with it for once.
~~Silk
#496 Missing the Photo?
I just discovered that viewed through AOL, the right column (over there--->), with the "About Me" and the photo, is missing. AOL screwed up the formatting somehow. Or the formatting IS screwed up. Looks fine on Netscape, though. So if you don't see the photo on the right, try another browser.
I have been invited to tea at a neighbor's at 3, so I have to run. Will return later.
~~Silk
I have been invited to tea at a neighbor's at 3, so I have to run. Will return later.
~~Silk
Monday, December 26, 2005
#495 Quiz - What's Important to Me
[May 2011 update: A lot of people are getting here through a search for "what's important to me". Please note that the link below still works, I think, but the quiz you'll find there is NOT the same quiz I took way back when. The new quiz is rather short and shallow. And the pie chart I got when I took it no longer shows.]
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
Health is most important in your life.
Having a high focus on health indicates that you are very health-conscious and you realize that if you don't have your health, you have nothing. You are devoted to living healthy.
I don't know why they chose "Health". Seems like they could have just as easily chosen Love, or Fun, or Career. Of course, I eat vegetables and fruit. I guess they thought that was more important than the fact that I smoke/have smoked.
Love or Fun would have been most accurate.
~~Silk
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
Health is most important in your life.
Having a high focus on health indicates that you are very health-conscious and you realize that if you don't have your health, you have nothing. You are devoted to living healthy.
I don't know why they chose "Health". Seems like they could have just as easily chosen Love, or Fun, or Career. Of course, I eat vegetables and fruit. I guess they thought that was more important than the fact that I smoke/have smoked.
Love or Fun would have been most accurate.
I think Money got high because I said I will pick up pennies on the street (I consider them lucky. I don't spend lucky coins.) Family got low because none of my family lives nearby.
This quiz actually reflects more one's circumstances than where one places importance.
~~Silk
#494 Throwing Out, or Throwing Up?
My stomach is still queasy today, worse than yesterday. That "hollow" feeling in the stomach with the "lumpy" feeling in the throat. I can't decide whether to throw up or cry. I don't know whether it's Daughter's virus visiting or the aftereffects of what I saw Saturday, but either way, I wish it would stop.
I intend to work in the basement all day today, throw out some more junk. It's raining outside, so even though I really want to get a long walk in, I can't, without risking a cold on top of whatever else is going on inside me. Although I may still risk a cold - the basement is chilly (and the dehumidifier is iced up again).
What a droopy dreary day. It's 11:30 am, and I have all the lights on. Not conducive to happy thoughts.
Maybe I'll go eat a whole bag of Lindt Truffles. Then if I throw up, it's Win-Win.
See? I can have happy thoughts!
~~Silk
I intend to work in the basement all day today, throw out some more junk. It's raining outside, so even though I really want to get a long walk in, I can't, without risking a cold on top of whatever else is going on inside me. Although I may still risk a cold - the basement is chilly (and the dehumidifier is iced up again).
What a droopy dreary day. It's 11:30 am, and I have all the lights on. Not conducive to happy thoughts.
Maybe I'll go eat a whole bag of Lindt Truffles. Then if I throw up, it's Win-Win.
See? I can have happy thoughts!
~~Silk
Sunday, December 25, 2005
#493 A Glimpse
Quick entry - queasy stomach today, but nothing at all like Daughter had Saturday.
On the way home yesterday, I did one of my favorite things, just wandering on a road I'd never been on before just to see where it went, to find new things, to try to get lost. I do that a lot. It's how I found that amazing omelet I'll never find again.
Out of the blue, I saw something absolutely amazing, something that I truly believe I was meant to see. I would never have seen it had I not taken that road. I would not have seen it had I been a few seconds earlier at that particular spot, or a few seconds later. But there it was, and it was visible only for a few seconds, only at that exact moment! I could pass that spot a thousand times on purpose at different times, and look for it, and would not be able to see it. But I saw it. Out of the blue. I think some greater power put me in that spot at that exact moment. The timing is the important part.
A reward. Something I was meant to see. Never mind what. It just couldn't have been chance.
And people scowl at me when I say I believe in fate.
~~Silk
On the way home yesterday, I did one of my favorite things, just wandering on a road I'd never been on before just to see where it went, to find new things, to try to get lost. I do that a lot. It's how I found that amazing omelet I'll never find again.
Out of the blue, I saw something absolutely amazing, something that I truly believe I was meant to see. I would never have seen it had I not taken that road. I would not have seen it had I been a few seconds earlier at that particular spot, or a few seconds later. But there it was, and it was visible only for a few seconds, only at that exact moment! I could pass that spot a thousand times on purpose at different times, and look for it, and would not be able to see it. But I saw it. Out of the blue. I think some greater power put me in that spot at that exact moment. The timing is the important part.
A reward. Something I was meant to see. Never mind what. It just couldn't have been chance.
And people scowl at me when I say I believe in fate.
~~Silk
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