Thursday, October 11, 2012

3639 Apt!

Thursday, October 11, 2012 (before the debate)

Human beings are never more frightening than
when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right.
-- Laurens van der Post --

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Aaaagh!  I just choked on a potato chip.   Field called Ryan "Eddie Munster in a suit"!
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4lKG9YpYtFPQe1NS9Fk8rYQYFx2Y6fn4Ghaw-zlwugWb1NdGQXK2rd9jlZUFmfqR1dHrezoi2ZqR9ed5BaNeF6ITSDfdZ9spqsMxBdj-hz2fHANKg-_BbW4-Y5EJrSzLE0ZfIIA/s1600/nx121011Vice_Presidential_De320x350-274x300.jpg

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Update, during debate:   I WANNA VOTE FOR JOE FOR PRESIDENT!!!!
.

3638 Simplistic rant - don't bother reading.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

If your customs allow you to kill on the basis of religious, racial, material, political,
or ideological differences, then you are living in a barbarian society,
and you are a barbarian.
...[T]hose who engage in violence even to spread seemingly well intentioned
political ideologies are barbarians.
-- Michael Hachulski --

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I'm hearing that CEOs are against Obama.  Not all - but the hand-picked ones are being trotted out, threatening layoffs.  Sheesh.  I can't think of a better reason to vote for Obama.  Yeah, sure, if he's elected you're going to kill your own personal golden goose?  Wait a minute.  I gotta find my violin.

And hey, Kodak wants to kill the health care plans for their existing retirees as a means to  emerge from bankruptcy.  Note that retirees are usually on medicare, so all Kodak is paying for is fill-in policies, and for dependents of retirees.  These are older folks and dependents with pre-existing conditions.  Um, did you do anything first about executive salaries?   And if you get Romney, what will these folks do when medicare is strangled, or disabled to the point that facilities will no longer accept it?  How about the 60-year-old dependent who is not yet eligible for medicare?

Oh yeah, I forgot.  Romney has a plan for them.  He said people who don't have health insurance can just go to ERs.  Is he unaware that the ER will just stabilize you, then if you don't have insurance you are not admitted for further care, you are just sent home?  Stabilized means you're not going to die in the next day or two.  The basic condition is not addressed.  That's Romney-care.

CEOs like that, I guess.

-------------------------------

Something to keep in mind - CEO jobs and salaries have not been impacted in the current environment.  The stock market isn't thrilled, but that's because large companies are not expanding.  They are sitting on capital, waiting.  They won't admit it, but they kind of like being able to dictate salaries and conditions to people and unions who are desperate for jobs.

"Don't like it?  Leave.  I can get another just like you for less."

What they don't seem to realize is that nobody's buying what they have to sell because nobody's sure of their jobs, your job could move to India or China next week, and if they have a job they haven't had a raise in six years.  Corporations don't seem to have made that connection.  Chicken and egg.

You can't keep taking away from your workforce, and then expect them to keep buying your crap.

That's the REAL trickle-down theory.
.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

3637 Bare Bones

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

We cannot get rid of terrorism by getting rid of terrorists. We must
get rid of the conditions that create terrorists.
-- Silk --

----------------------------------------------------

Well, here I am.

There you are.

.......... crickets ............

I've got nothing.

Well, a little news.  The Nugget is going to school!

Ok, not really school.  She's going to a day care center three mornings a week, from 9 'til 2.  She gets a "report card" every day.  She likes "circle", stories, colors, and lunch.

This gives her Mommy some time for herself, too.

Nugget hasn't adjusted yet to the change in nap schedule, and since she started "school", she's been up several times during the night, which is upsetting her Daddy, Hercules.  Don't know how that's going to shake out.

Daughter had asked me a while ago to give her sewing lessons, but there was never time.  Well, there was time, but chasing the Nugget around used it up.  So now, after Daughter gets caught up on the list of things she hadn't been able to do for the past year and a half, maybe.

-------------------------------

I think my daughter may be trying to kill me.  Late last week she brought over some beef stew with lots of vegetables (she seems to think I don't eat right).  It was good, but it was loaded with sharp shards of bone that I wasn't expecting until I bit down on one.  She had smashed up a big marrow bone into it.

Today she brought over a chicken stew with potatoes, chick peas, carrots, and lots of stewed tomatoes in it.  Also lots of fingernail-sized bits of what looks like rib bone.  After I discovered the first one I tried to feel around for them in a mouthful (found an average of four or five per mouthful), but then I bit down on a sneaky one and it stabbed between a tooth and gum - so I threw the rest of the stew out.  It was very good, but it scared me.

I hope she's not feeding the Nugget that tonight.

Maybe I should call her and warn her.  On the other hand, she takes offense easily, and my complaining of bones twice within the space of a week will not be taken well.

I never was very good at diplomacy, no matter what my Dale Carnegie trophy says.
.

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

3636 Institutionalized Misogyny

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

"Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact."
-- Bertrand Russell --

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I found this from The Word Detective (http://www.word-detective.com/2012/10/grizzlygrisly/): 
"I actually thought, back in the 1990s, that the increasing popularity of the internet would be a boon for reading and language skills because, back then, reading was the only thing you could do online. Practice makes perfect, yadda yadda. Text is still the bulk of content online, but the catch is that much of it appears to have been written by drunken chipmunks, or perhaps just by people with a very shaky grasp of standard spelling. Oh well, things do fall apart. I used to joke about the inevitable arrival of a “point and grunt” interface for computers, but then the iPhone and iPad arrived, proving that true genius often consists of patenting the stupidest thing you can possibly imagine."
A man after my own heart.

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I found this at Roba's blog (http://www.andfaraway.net/blog/2012/10/08/an-awareness-of-the-universe/):
Behind every man now alive stand thirty ghosts, for that is the ratio by which the dead outnumber the living. Since the dawn of time, roughly a hundred billion human beings have walked the planet Earth.

Now this is an interesting number, for by a curious coincidence there are approximately a hundred billion stars in our local universe, the Milky Way. So for every man who has ever lived, in this Universe there shines a star.

But every one of those stars is a sun, often far more brilliant and glorious than the small, nearby star we call the Sun. And many – perhaps most – of those alien suns have planets circling them. So almost certainly there is enough land in the sky to give every member of the human species, back to the first ape-man, his own private, world-sized heaven – or hell. [Emphasis mine - Silk]

How many of those potential heavens and hells are now inhabited, and by what manner of creatures, we have no way of guessing; the very nearest is a million times farther away than Mars or Venus, those still remote goals of the next generation.

The intro to Arthur C. Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey
(I have been unable to verify the source, since I don't happen to have a copy of the book here, and different publication dates tend to have different introductions anyway.  But I know Roba to be intelligent and well-read, so I'll take her word for it.)

Roba was remarking on how mind-blowing the size of the universe is.

Me, my first thought was, "Sheesh!  I didn't know Clarke was a Mormon!"

-------------------------------


Ok, now I get into religion.  It's just my opinion, and I'm allowed to have one, even if you disagree.  If I go straight to hell for it, so be it.  If you got here on a search and are tempted to blast me or strive to educate me in the comments, don't bother.  It isn't worth your time to compose or my time to delete, and I won't respond.

Basically, I don't respect The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Yes, they can be very nice people. That's not what I mean.  They shouldn't feel hurt; there are many sects and religions I don't respect.  Join the club.  I just respect you guys less.  A lot less.

What I don't respect are the beliefs.  I'm not talking about gold tablets or (early) polygamy or racist policies, although I have a hard time "getting" any of that.  What gets me is the frank misogynism.

Many religious systems, if not most, are misogynistic to a greater or lesser degree.  Women are considered lesser in the eyes of God, dirty, the bearer and source of sin, tempters.  I'm looking at you, Christians (Catholics in particular), Muslims, conservative Jews, in general any religion invented by (ok, divinely revealed to, if you insist) men of the male persuasion.  But at least in those religions, women are still children of God, even if they are allowed no voice or role.

Of all, Mormons are the worst offenders against women.

If you were born into a Mormon family I can understand why you stay.  We cling to what we know.  I'll give you a pass.  But I absolutely cannot respect someone's choice to convert to that religion.  I can understand why a man might.  The temporal (this life) advantages are enormous.  And the promised afterlife for a man is amazing. (I have a belief that whatever you truly believe will happen to you after death, does.  Any man who also believes that will absolutely love what the Latter Day Saints promise.)

However, I cannot understand why any intelligent, sane, self-respecting woman would convert to, consciously join, a church that tells women that they have no value to God or anyone else except as given to them by a human-type man.  Any woman who does must be missing one of those three attributes.

Here's how it works.  When a Mormon man dies, he becomes a god, literally, and gets a whole planet for himself to be the god of.  He can then populate the planet with women, as many as he wants apparently, who will be absolutely compliant to his wishes and are happy to act as sexually available handmaidens.

Women aren't so lucky.  When they die they don't go to "heaven" (a male god's planet) unless they are called to heaven by a man.  If no man calls them, they stay in torment for eternity.

Thud.

What does that tell women? They'd better find a man in this life and keep him happy until one or the other of them dies.  Shut up.  Be compliant.  In this religion, God doesn't consign you to Hell, a man does.  He can even do it by default. 

Of all the world's religions, this seems the most obviously designed by males, for males, period, the least spiritual religion of all (at least of all I know of).

I don't understand why ANY woman would believe that crap.  I can understand why men would want to, but they certainly get no respect from me for not saying, "Hey, this isn't right.  Something's wrong here."
.

Monday, October 08, 2012

3635 Treasure pits.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Carl Sagan: It doesn't pay to be so open-minded that your brains fall out.
-- Carl Sagan --

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Today I (again) came across the story of the Oak Island treasure pit.  Treasure hunters have dug down 150' into a booby-trapped shaft over the past 200+ years hoping to find pirate treasure.  Several people have died in the various attempts.  It's beginning to look well nigh impossible to get to any treasure that might be at the bottom.

Now, me, I'd never have tried so hard.  I'd figure that anyone who burys treasure wants to come back and get it.  Who would bother making it so difficult?  So whatever might be at the bottom was never meant to be disturbed, whether valuable or not, or, if there is anything there at all, it has no value anyway and no one ever wanted to get it back.

You don't hide something so well that even you can't recover it.

My mother learned that when she was about 10 years old.

Gramma had a pair of Staffordshire dogs that her mother, Great-Gramma, had brought from Wales.  Mom had a fine gold chain necklace she wanted to hide from her brothers, Richard and Raymond.  The dogs looked almost exactly like the ones at the link above, about 12" in height, with a tiny air-hole at the back of the neck. 

Mom decided that was the perfect place to hide her necklace - in one of the dogs.  She fed the end through the hole, and the instant she heard the clasp hit the bottom she knew she had screwed up.  There was no other hole in the dog.  There was no way to get the necklace out.

Gramma asked her one day where the necklace was.  Mom lied and told her she'd left it on her dresser, and it disappeared, one of the boys must have taken it.  Off course they denied having seen it.

Many decades later Gramma moved into a tiny assisted living apartment.  She gave one of the dogs to her sister's daughter, Annette (Mom's cousin), and the other dog to my mother. 

[Absolutely the wrong thing to do!  First of all, every pair of the original Staffordshires is unique and perfectly matched - the old molds were used only once and the hand gilding was unique to the painter - so you don't split them up!  Secondly, it caused a rift between the two previously close cousins.  Each coveted the other's dog.]

Well, when my mother got her dog, she shook it.  No rattle.  Annette had got her gold necklace, too.

--------------------------

I now own two pairs of the tall white Staffordshire dogs, one pair bought at auction, the other at an antiques fair.  Also two pair of smaller more colorful antique copies made for the lower class purchasers.

None of them rattle.
.

Sunday, October 07, 2012

3634 Exploding words

Sunday, October 7, 2012

"Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise,
there wouldn't be religious people."
--  Doris Egan  --

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I thought I knew what terrorism is.  I believed it to be acts or threats of violence designed to create fear in a group loosely represented by the target of the violence, for political purposes.  That word seems to have exploded.

According to the local police blotter, "acts of terrorism" and "terroristic threats" now include stuff like a guy standing on his neighbor's lawn brandishing a baseball bat threatening to kill the neighbor's dog if he doesn't keep it confined, or a guy setting fire to the car belonging to the guy who "stole" his girlfriend.

Um, didn't we already have terms for those acts?  Where's the political purpose?  How is it "terrorism", instead of threatening bodily harm, destruction of property, vandalism, whatever it used to be called?

I don't understand.

Likewise, I thought I understood what "bullying" is.  I believed a bully to be one who used size, strength, position, or credible threats to repeatedly coerce or intimidate another of lesser power, the key in the definition being that the bully starts with power over the victim, and the coercion is ongoing. The bully is not expressing anger.  It's simply an exercise in power to hurt.

This word also seems to have exploded.

News item of a few days ago:  A female TV news anchor received an email from a viewer who commented that he was disappointed in her because she was overweight, and said that as such she was not an good role model for youth.  She made the news by responding to that email on the air.  (First off, I don't understand why it was necessary for her to respond on the air, but that's not the point.)  In all of the articles I read, the guy was called a bully, and the story was linked to October being the anti-bullying month. 

Um, don't we already have terms for guys like that?  "Bully" isn't one of them.  He has no power over her at all, no power to injure her physically, financially, or socially.  It was one email where he proved himself a fool.  He did not bully her.  He did not attempt to coerce her.  He simply insulted her.

When we allow words like "terrorism" and "bullying" to explode, we weaken them.  People are using them to get an emotional reaction.  If we allow that to continue, eventually "terrorist" will simply mean "someone who frightened me" and "bully" will simply mean "someone who annoyed me".

We need to guard words to keep them pure.
.

3633 Getting to where I'll talk with wrong numbers?

Sunday, October 7, 2012

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished
unless they kill in large numbers
and to the sound of trumpets."
--  Voltaire  --

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I've been thinking more about post #3631, about the mortgage rates.  The more I think about it, the more interesting it gets.

If I carry a balance on the credit cards, it's oh, say, 9% or more.  The mortgage would be 2.75%.  The mortgage is obviously a cheaper loan.  If I invest the mortgage money, I'd make say 11-12% on it (I just checked those numbers and am surprised it's so high, given that 1/3 is in bonds that pay very low), and I'd pull from those investments as I need it to pay back the mortgage and pay for purchases that otherwise would have been on credit cards.  PLUS, I get a tax break on the mortgage interest whereas I don't get a break on credit card interest.  Of course, when I pull from investments, I'd have capital gains tax - but there's talk of eliminating capital gains tax, so ....

A difference of like 8-9% on paying out and bringing in?  Damn!

-------------------------------

I'm very socially isolated here.  For the past two years I've talked with almost no one, beyond occasional conversations with Becs and The Man.  Maybe weather and lawn care with neighbor George.  I see Daughter and the Nugget almost every day (except weekends, when they seem to go off somewhere), but I can't really talk with Daughter, and Nugget isn't speaking English yet.  About the only other people I see are store clerks.  None of those contacts involve much in the way of conversation, and certainly never about ideas.  About the only food for thought I get these days is from my reading, either books or internet.  I don't watch much TV and am rarely interested in movies.

Man, I never thought I'd find myself missing coworkers!

Know how you occasionally find little old ladies who leap on any eye contact to engage you in lengthy and desperate-seeming conversation?  Now I know where they come from.  At least I have the internet.

Daughter knows almost everyone on the street, and chit-chats with everyone.  I can't do that.  I don't know how to chit-chat.  Daughter is content with small talk.  I'm not.  Plus I've done the suburban housewife thing a few times in the past, and I just don't want to ever again get caught up in those petty spats and intrigues and social debts and imagined slights.   It leads to more trouble than it's worth.  And it's worse when you're a single woman.

I could have Mensa and various Meetup groups, but although I mark events on the calendar, I don't actually go to anything, mainly because I feel guilty that I'm not making any progress on either house, so it feels wrong to go gallivanting when there's so much that isn't getting done.  That keeps me pretty much nailed in the house (although it doesn't get me up off the chair in front of the laptop).  Besides, the Meetup people are, I don't know, not "deep"?  Again, there's petty spats and intrigues and social debts and competitions.  Some of those people are flat-out crazy.  Some are nasty.  Many are shallow.  I'm not desperate enough I guess to navigate those piranha-infested shoals.

I'm not lonely, though.  Oddly enough, it's not people-contact I'm missing.  If so, I'd get up and go to Mensa, Intertel, or Meetup stuff.  I'm pretty much content alone.  Always have been a bit of a loner.

What I miss is discussing ideas.

------------------------------

Bonus - Nugget 17-month update:

Sudden nap attack.

An installation at Grounds for Sculpture.


Grounds for Sculpture. Everything here except the littlest beer drinker is a statue.

.

Saturday, October 06, 2012

3632 The crystal jar

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Happiness is not something you find; it's something you make.

--------------------------------------------------

October is Jay's month, partly because of that first-week curse (previous post), partly because he'd died at the end of October, and partly because he loved the autumn.  So even though it's eleven years since he left, October is his month.

At his memorial service (which he specifically didn't want but his sisters insisted upon) the pastor spoke of "keeping memories in a crystal jar".  I liked that idea.  I filled a crystal jar on the living room bookcase with slips of paper, each a special memory of him that I didn't want to lose.

I brought the jar down to the new house in September.  This morning I unpacked it from the box, and I read the slips of paper again for the first time in a few years.

I've listed those slips twice already in this blog, on October 27, 2004, and on February 19, 2006.  Here it is again - for Jay.


• The way he played video games with his tongue and whole body

• When something (a hammer, a pen) wasn’t where he expected to find it, he said "It escaped!", and seemed truly surprised

• He always tried to think honestly about his feelings, never hid anything from himself or me

• He never tried to talk me into skiing, never indicated in the least that he missed it

• Twinkling eyes

• He supported me against his father’s strong disapproval when I found the McDonald’s outside Versailles
 
• He couldn’t spell worth a damn

• He gave me the clouds and the moon

• "Carrot cake is a vegetable, right?"

• He loved Pleiades, volcanoes, and meteor showers

• In many ways, he was like my beloved mice - quiet, made nice warm nests, worked hard, personally very clean, and, like a mouse, he left the remnants of his tasks scattered behind him

• How huge he looked behind the windshields of his tiny cars - one wondered how he would ever unfold to get out

• The way he pronounced "oops"

• The mountain of his shoulders in bed, the angle of his hip

• When he stood at the bar of the Marlboro Inn in his three-piece dark suit, among the hunters and farmers - how tall he seemed, how impressively broad his shoulders

• After his diagnosis, he joked that he didn’t understand all the fuss - after all, his illness was just "all in his head"

• The way he could snatch flies right out of the air - and always released them outside

• He explained that there are things that are very clear and understandable, until you try to explain them - there are some things that just shouldn’t be looked at too carefully

• He was unaware of how big and powerful he was - he was timid about walking the streets of Binghamton after dark

• He never complained. Not once. No matter what

• His delicate tapering hands

• The way he gave off heat when he slept

• How playful he was

• The dangerous toiletries

• When he worked on something, he made a terrible mess of his environs, but the work itself was done neatly, delicately, and perfectly

• He acknowledged male hormonal urges and prohibitions - even better, he was able to describe male attitudes and thought patterns so that a female could actually understand and sympathize with them

• The way he couldn’t resist "improving" everything he bought

• How confident he was of his ability to understand/handle/fix anything

• Everybody says you have to work hard and constantly at a good marriage - it wasn’t work for him, he did what came naturally, and it was good

• The way his uni-eyebrow and beard were all one piece, and his nose hairs blended into his mustache

• The way his tongue helped him concentrate

• How sensitive he was to my moods, and always said and did exactly the right thing

• Joy in little things, like Ninja and Baby plowing a figure 8 in deep snow - "Just what I always wanted - a doggy choo-choo!"

• That silky spot behind and below his left ear

• How soft and liquid his eyes could get

• Lying on the ground looking at stars

• Pizza! Pizza, pizza, pizza!

• He was so clean about his body that it took me ten years to discover that he had a severe problem with seborrhea on his scalp, face, and ears.

• He remembered perfectly everything he heard or read

• Music confused him - too much information all at once

• Elfin hairs on the outer curve and lobes of his ears

• His absolute joy in yummies

• LOUD!!! sneezes

• He never got petulant when I consistently beat him at word games like Super Boggle, and he played happily because he knew I enjoyed them

• His delicate artist’s touch

• The wonderful lopsided smile when he saw me coming down the hall at the rehab center

• In the last months, when he was having hallucinations and delusions, he listened to me and believed me, even though everything he "saw" and felt told him differently

• Near the end, he said that one of the things he appreciated most about me was the way I so thoroughly understood him. He didn’t realize that was only because he opened himself so completely to me.

• Incredible force of will - he hung on until I told him it was time to go.

• The cloud formation a few days after he died - his face, with a winking moon eye

• The meteor shower a few days after he died - I got up at 5 am and went out to the deck only because I knew he would want me to, and I counted >50 in the first 2 minutes, then I stopped counting. Later, the newspaper and the astronomy club reported a peak of 30 per hour! I got a private show. I truly believe he arranged it for me.


Is it any wonder I'm still in love with him?
.

3631 Mortgage musing

Saturday, October 6, 2012

“With the enormous expansion of social programs in the 1960's and 1970's,
America waged war on poverty - and poverty won.”
-- Ray Wilson, in an Amazon reader review of Nickel and Dimed in America --

-------------------------------------------------------------

First week of October.  One more day and then the October curse has passed for another year.

Jay and I  had learned to fear the first week of October.
  • That's when his back went out, ultimately requiring surgery.  
  • That's when he had the head-on collision that totaled the car and ended up with him being sued, lawyers and depositions and the whole shebang (his was the third of four accidents on that curve that evening before the county got around to sanding the curve).  
  • That's when he had the first seizure, that led three months later to the brain cancer diagnosis.  
  • That's when the first tumor recurrence showed up on an MRI.  
  • And then the second.  
  • That's when he woke up one morning with someone else's arm attached to him, the beginnings of the loss of the left side of his world.  
  • And that's when he began his final decline from a devastated immune system.
For six years at least, every first week of October brought something bad.  For eleven years since, every fall, I hold my breath for a week.  Yeah, it seemed that the demons of October had it in for Jay, not me, but still....

------------------------------

I don't understand interest rates.

I'd heard that it's difficult to get loans these days.  I hadn't been paying a lot of attention, but I did notice that the interest rates on my credit cards had been creeping up.   No, I don't miss payments, and I'm not late, and I almost always pay off the full balance every month, so the interest rates don't affect me that much anyway, but I killed one of my Visa accounts a few months ago when the interest rate suddenly went to 24% for no apparent reason.  That's ridiculous!  I didn't even bother calling them, except to kill the card.  My other cards hover around 7-9%, and when they creep up to 11% I call and complain and they drop it again.

So, I was under the impression that loan interest rates were high.

On the other hand, banks are paying ridiculous rates on savings.  I don't much think about what they're paying because my money isn't there to earn interest, it's just in savings as less accessible backup.  So yesterday I checked.  My savings accounts (four of them in three different banks) are paying .12% at one bank and .15% at another.  WHAT?!  That's less than a fifth of one per cent!  That's ridiculous!  I haven't bothered with CDs in decades, because they rarely pay even 1%.

So I wondered - if loan rates are high, and savings rates are low, why are the banks crying poverty?

Well, I checked on loan rates.

NJ current average mortgage rates:
3.33% - 30 Year Fixed
2.75% - 15 Year Fixed
2.68% - 5/1 ARM

WOW!

I consider that very low!

Of course, my last experience with a mortgage was when I left Ex#2 and bought the house in Highland, NY, in 1983.  I had a 1/3 downpayment on the house, financed the other 2/3, had an excellent credit history, and yet the best I could do was a 30-year adjustable-rate  mortgage at 16%, with 6 points!  Over the next few years the "adjustable" part took it up to a hair over 17% before it started down again.   90+% of my monthly payments went to interest, not principle.  So I have a horror of mortgages, and have avoided a mortgage on my last two houses since.

Sheesh.  At 2.75% it would make sense for me to take out a mortgage on the city house, invest most of the money in mutual funds (mine are paying 7% and up), and use the mortgage cash instead of credit cards - since I'd be paying like 6% less to use it.

It's not simple.  How much am I willing to pay for simplicity?
 .

Thursday, October 04, 2012

3630 Oh, THAT debate.

Thursday, October 3, 2012

In the movie "The Third Man", a character observes that thirty years of turmoil in Italy under the Borgias produced Michelangelo, Leonardo DaVinci, and the Renaissance, while five hundred years of peace in Switzerland produced the cuckoo clock.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The previous post outlined my own personal disappointments with the debate.

Of course, as expected, Obama exaggerated a bit in a positive direction on the economy, and Romney exaggerated a bit in a negative direction, except when he was making positive but unsubstantiated forcasts for his own plans.

Ho hum, what else is new.

A lot of claims were made and numbers tossed around, and mostly my eyes crossed because I didn't know much about the numbers, except that each was chosen (and inflated or deflated) to create an impression.

So, if you are as curious as I was, you'll find the facts about the numbers (rather dense) at
http://factcheck.org/2012/10/dubious-denver-debate-declarations/.

If you'd like a score card of the truths, untruths, and half-truths tossed around, go to
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2012/oct/03/fact-checking-denver-presidential-debate/.

What's sad is that very few people will bother to read any analysis.  So as far as most people are concerned, everything that was said is "true" to some degree, so the "winner" is he who can tell the most eggregious lies the most convincingly.

Sigh.
.

3629 What debate?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Money cannot buy love, but it can put you in a good bargaining position.

-------------------------------------------------------

Yeah.  The debate.  I yelled at Obama to talk faster, more forcefully, and please please throw in a few quotable lines among those long dissertations, just one would do for cripes sake!  I yelled at Romney to quit interrupting and stop with the pandering.  I yelled at Lerher to take control, damn it, do your job, stop letting Romney blow right over you!

I didn't learn much.  I'm left with a few questions, like does Romney know the difference between "compete" and "collude" when talking about businesses?  Given his background, I'd wager not.  He might even figure that without regulation and oversight, big business will feel a proper social responsibility to serve their public.  (Unfortunately, big business considers their public to consist only of shareholders.)

And how come nobody anywhere, not Obama last night (I was yelling at him to ask) nor commentators or columnists today, how come nobody has asked how Romney's plan of turning over a lot of federal functions to the states results in lower taxes?  Yeah, maybe it would reduce federal taxes if the federal government isn't paying that bill, but what is the result on state taxes?  How does it help me if my federal income tax drops by 20%, but my state income tax and sales tax double?  Why didn't Obama ask?

I forget exactly when it was, but a few decades ago a lot of social service programs (including medicaid, foodstamps,  education, and so on) were fully funded and administered by the states.  The result was that the quantity and quality varied enormously.  The secondary result was that people in need and dependent on a program moved to states that had better services - with the result that they overwhelmed the system in that state.  Federal involvement leveled the field.  At least, that's my impression.  Have we not learned from that?

Remember a while back when conservatives were agitating to privatize social security, turn it over to the stock market and other investment?  I was yelling then about nobody remembering why social security was started in the first place.  Hey, remember October of 1929, when folks who had saved all their lives suddenly found it had all disappeared, and they had nothing?  Social security was meant to ensure that nothing like that ever happened again, that no matter what happened on Wall Street, they would at least not starve.  So why on earth would anyone want to hang that safety net back on Wall Street?  Heh heh.  Fate in its wisdom saw fit to teach us again why not.  Notice nobody talks much anymore about privatization.

Romney says he'd halt funding of, among other things, Amtrak.  Yeah, Amtrak has some problems.  (So does the deteriorating highway system.)  Um, we desperately need better mass transit systems.   We don't need to kill off what little we have.  You can travel all over Europe by train.  You don't even need a car at all in England.  What the hell???

I just get so frustrated when people don't learn from history, and keep wanting to try things that we've already found don't work.  Hey, I have an idea - let's not declare war on anyone for a while!  Did you know that the recent wars have cost gazillions of dollars, all of which was BORROWED!  And then Romney's party didn't want to raise the debt ceiling, when it was Bush's personal wars that got it so high?  Does anyone else find it interesting that Romney wants to give the military more than they want?  Is there something he's not telling us?  (Why didn't Obama ask, for me?)  Is THAT his plan to increase employment - start another war and hire all the unemployed as gun-fodder?

Ah.  Stop.  I hope for more from the veep debate.  Biden won't be as polite, and Ryan won't be so cool.
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Monday, October 01, 2012

3628 Lung power

Monday, October 1, 2012

Democracy is the worst system in the world - except for the other ones.

---------------------------------------------------------

Leslie Stahl said on Sunday's "60 Minutes" that it was part of Arnold Schwarzenegger's life plan to "win one bodybuilding competition after the next".  I'm having trouble figuring out the timing on that.  I guess that's planning two ahead?

-------------------------------

There's some kind of contest on YouTube.  Regular sponsored vloggers (bleck!  Yes, they exist) have been asked to get their regular viewers to submit videos of themselves for the "Supernote 2012" competition.  (See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whfw7O3bCYA&feature=youtu.be for Lamarr Wilson's call for entries, this morning.)

Basically, you just sustain a note for as long as you can.


Now, keep in mind that I was born and raised in a home where both parents smoked two packs a day.  I'm now a little old lady who's been smoking for 50 years.  I got dizzy blowing up the Nugget's wading pool this past summer.  Still, I figured I'd try it, just out of curiosity.

I took a few deep breaths, fulled the old airbags, and woo'd a note. I held the note steady, sustained with no wobbles, for 37 seconds on the first try.  I think I could go longer with some practice, but given my age and smoking history I figured I'd still get nowhere near contest-worthy.

So this evening I checked to see what responses Lamarr had.  There's about 50 of them so far, and most are young males.  I am shocked that very few of them managed to get past 22 seconds!

Let me repeat that - only a handful got past 22 seconds!

And these were submissions, so you know it wasn't the first try - it was the BEST try.

Wow.  Either I have more lung capacity than I expected, or I know how to conserve air.
...

So, how long can you go?
.
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Sunday, September 30, 2012

3627 Baths and Showers

Sunday, September 30, 2012

"The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures;
but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot." 
--  Mark Twain --

-------------------------------------------------------

So, how often do YOU bathe or shower?  And does one feel less need to bathe as one gets older?  The question came up on another blogger's post.

The myth is that all Americans bathe every day, but judging from the responses on the referenced post, every other day seems more common.
  • Folks on online dating sites always want people who shower at least once or twice a day.  I wonder how many of them actually do.  
  • Jay showered every morning.  
  • My mother complained that one of my brothers showered three times a day.  
  • Ex#2 would bathe only when I told him to.  When we visited his parents, if even if we were there two weeks, he didn't shower or brush his teeth once the entire time we were there.  Not once.  Daughter says he still avoids washing.  When she visits him she has to tell him he stinks and push him into the bathroom.  
  • "The Man" showers every day, possibly twice.  I have to assume that just from what I know of him, because when we've been together he showers (or takes a bubble bath if there's a Jacuzzi available) morning and evening.  I have often tried to talk him out of the evening shower - I love his natural scent, I prefer it to his soap, but he seems to cringe at the very thought of going to bed unwashed.  When he's sweaty after bowling, I'm not allowed to snuggle until after he's showered.  He refuses to believe that I love the smell of his sweat.  I DO!  I do do do !  He seems to have a great fear of offending.
  • Me, I take a bath or shower whenever I plan to leave the house and be around people - anything beyond like a trip to the post office or the quick-shop.  Going to the grocery store will call for a small bath.  If I don't plan to be around people, I don't bother.  I never go more than three days, though, even if I'm playing hermit. I wash my hair about every four days.
Now, the question asked was after 50, does one bathe less?

Babies don't get adult-style body odor.  When they have a clean diaper on, they smell wonderful, even without powders or soaps.  Kids don't get body odor problems, either, until they start adolescence.  That's when they start needing deodorants.

It's hormones.  Adult sexual hormones change the skin, oils, and sweat so that they produce distinctive odors (pheromones, the sexual signals), and when left on the skin the richer exudates foster the growth of odor-causing organisms. 

Really quite simple.

Just as we start life with a bean-shaped body, we end life with a bean-shaped body.  In our first ten years we gain a lot of abilities, and in our last 30 years we lose those same abilities - in pretty much the same order.  If we live long enough, we even end up bedridden or in a "stroller", wearing a diaper and eating soft foods.

As we age, our sexual hormones weaken.  For men, it happens over time (the reverse of their youth), and for women it happens more suddenly (also the reverse of their youth).  So our body odors also change.  We get like kids again.  If older men and women smell bad, it's usually, uh, diaper scents, due to a bit of a control problem, similar to their babyhood.

So yeah, older folks feel less need to bathe.   We instinctively know we aren't "putting out" as much in the way of interesting scents and organism-buffets as we used to.  Even our sweat is less interesting.

--------------------------------

When I was in high school I lived in an area where houses were heated by wood stoves, water came from a hand pump, to be heated on the wood stove, and the "bathroom" was out back, and had nothing to do with baths.  That was true for most of my classmates.  Baths were once a week, in a galvanized tub in the kitchen in water pumped from the well, carried to the house, and heated on the wood stove.  My classmates considered me rich because we had a bathroom, a furnace, and hot water that came out of a faucet.

But back then, even for those of us who had all the conveniences, one took a full bath maybe once or twice a week.  Except for people with exceptionally dirty jobs, the daily wash was hands, face, underarms, and crotch, standing at the washbowl.  We'd have thought that anyone who felt it necessary to take a full bath or shower every day had something wrong with them. 

And nobody stank.  Maybe we were used to it.  Or maybe we expected people to smell like people, not like soap.

I don't know where this fear of being natural came from.  I think it was Madison Avenue.  Make us afraid of being too real, too natural.  Buy soap!  Rinse and repeat!  You are not acceptable unless you buy our stuff to cover your disgustingness. 

Wanna know how bad it's gotten?  People now think it's necessary to bathe cats!
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3626 Grammar

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Why is the gift of intelligence so often given to people too stupid to know what to do with it?
-- Lev Grossman, "Time", 3/15/04 --

-------------------------------------------------------------------

This Harvard Business Review article, http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/07/i_wont_hire_people_who_use_poo.html,  is an essay from a guy who gives a grammar test to prospective employees, and won't hire them if they can't pass it.  He makes some valid points about why, like that if in twenty or more years a person hasn't noticed the difference between "it's" and "its", that's not an impressive learning curve.  He wants people who are aware and detail oriented.

I wish people who hire writers would do the same!

-------------------------------

I found this real comment a few weeks ago on a LockerGnome YouTube video:  "Yore wrong but consistent I luv ur'e house"

That's two interesting and frightening variations on the "your/you're" confusion.

--------------------------------

On "Say Yes to the Dress" last Friday, a woman said that one dress was too plain, it "needs more embezzlement".
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3625 Appalled

Sunday, September 30, 2012

The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they suppress.
-- Frederick Douglas --

-----------------------------------------------------

Nescience is not understanding something you have no way of understanding; ignorance is not understanding something you should understand;  stupidity is not having the ability or desire to understand.

------------------------------------

A few posts back I begged folks to read John Scalzi's list of what it means to be poor (http://whatever.scalzi.com/2005/09/03/being-poor/).  The following is a comment on John's essay, about one major difference between being poor in the US and being poor in Britain:
harasseddad says:
I had no idea. Here in the UK we tend to think all Americans are rich – but
Living in Britain means hospital treatment is free, for everyone.
Living in Britain means ambulances are free, for everyone.
Living in Britain means dental treatment is free, for everyone.
Living in Britain means prescription drugs are free to those on welfare and a maximum of £6.50 for everyone else (that’s under $5)
Living in Britain means a free pint of milk every day for every child in britain until they’re two (till five if their parent(s) are on welfare)
Living in Britain means you might be poor, you might have to go to bed hungry, you might not have a bed – but you will always be able to see a dentist, a doctor, a psychiatrist. And they’ll be the same hospital, the same standard of treatment as everyone else.
I have never been so grateful for the national health service – and more appalled that the richest country on Earth can not achieve such simple goals for its citizens.
Yeah. I am appalled, too.  I don't understand why there's so much opposition.  "Obamacare" is a half-assed attempt to get as close as possible to what is really needed, but it's unweildy because the opposition makes it impossible to go all the way and do it right.

The saddest thing is that I don't think the sheeple even know what they're opposing.

------------------------------

Note for future reference - 9/27 - woke at country house with swollen right index finger.   Firm lump in the middle joint. Jammed?  Spider bite?  As of 10/6, still swollen.  Lump size of large pea.  Finger bends as far as swelling will allow.
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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

3624 True speaking

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

It's always been and will always be the same in the world:
the horse does the work and the coachman is tipped.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Note - I find the music overlay in this clip enormously annoying.)

Ya gotta admit, the man can speak to the people:

[http://youtu.be/xiLun9GcL0M]

But what's more important is that you KNOW, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, that unlike a lot of politicians he completely believes in everything he says.  Nothing is just "political expediency".  

Now, whether you agree with his beliefs and goals is something else.  But you've got to grant him honesty and integrity.
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3623 National recognition for volunteers? Yeah, sure.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The most exciting phrase to hear in science,
the one that heralds new discoveries,
is not "Eureka!', but
"That's funny..."
-- Isaac Asimov --

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Lamarr Wilson (Wilsontech1 on YouTube) made some good points in a recent video blog (now called, Heaven help us, a "vlog") about those nationally televised awards shows, in particular the recent Emmys, but by extension also the Oscars.  He points out that actors are paid, and in most cases overpaid, to act.   So why is there a nationally televised awards show to honor those who simply do their job?  Especially a superficial job, not exactly a great contribution to humanity?

Why not a nationally televised awards show, Lamarr asks, for the best cops?  Or firefighters?  Or teachers?  Or doctors?  Or volunteers? Or my own contribution - why not televise the awarding of the Nobel and Pulitzer Prizes? 

(Lamarr points out that many of the best shows never win awards, but crappy "Two and a Half Men" has won 9 Emmys.  Actually, that's a bit misleading.  Eight of those Emmys were for cinematography, not for a wonderful script, or storyline, or acting.  One went to Jon Cryer for playing Alan, which I can sort of agree with.)

An aside - being nominated for an Emmy is not itself an honor.  Show producers nominate their own shows.  They send in clips for consideration in various categories.  Practically everyone who nominates themselves is "nominated".  Nomination has no meaning whatsoever.  It doesn't matter how wonderful your show is, if you don't send clips or send them in time, then you aren't nominated.  Shrug.  And that's why many of the best most-loved shows never win anything - simply because the producers didn't nominate the show, for whatever reason.  Some producers have been known to hold this over actors' heads.  "Straighten up, or we won't nominate you."

In my opinion, the Oscar and Emmy shows, and the red carpet, and "best and worst dressed", and all the crap surrounding them, are all simply the industry people networking with each other, and the televised parts are nothing more than a multi-hour commercial foisted on us.  Really.  It's just a commercial.  They're selling you their product.

So, are there any nationally televised awards shows for anything that matters?  Anything that contributes to society?  Ok, elections, if you consider public office an award for effective campaigning.  What else?  Hmmmm.  We have beauty pageants.  Talent shows.  Sports shows.

Nope, nothing much that matters.  Bread and circuses.  Ho hum.
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Monday, September 24, 2012

3622 Gas burbles

Monday, September 24, 2012

If there is love, smallpox scars are as pretty as dimples.
-- Japanese proverb --

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I was planning to go upriver this afternoon, so this morning I took Fred The Van to get gas.  His gauge doesn't work any more, so when I get gas I set the trip odometer, and I know he's good for 300 miles.  He's sitting at 287 now, so I knew he'd need filling before the trip.

Nope.  The pump kept cutting out.  It wouldn't even put a few drops in.  The internet lists a slew of possible reasons.  Fred is now at the car hospital getting his throat checked.  Also his hips - he's still leaking transmission fluid.  I'm afraid he may be giving up.  Although he's eleven years old, he has fewer than 65,000 miles on him.

Last time I went upriver I took Hal The BMW.  I filled him before we left, and then I filled him when we got back, just to check for really really (not what the computer says) what his MPG is. 

I was amazed!  This time the trip was almost exactly 300 miles because of some side trips I took, plus I did the whole trip with the top down, and he took 10.2 gallons on return.  Holy Whatever!  That's like 30 mpg!  (Fred gets about 20-23, depending, believe it or not, on how much crosswind we have.)

That's pretty durn good, considering how hot-blooded Hal is.  And his not wearing his hat had to have screwed with his wind resistance. 

Man, I do love manual (standard) shift.
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Sunday, September 23, 2012

3621 US- amputate, Canada- save, is that our choice?

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Success can be redefined.

-------------------------------------------------------------

People who are against "Obamacare" point to the Canadian healthcare system as something awful, something to avoid at all costs.  And somehow they seem to be able to find some Canadians who don't like it.  But it seems to me that there are a lot more Canadians who like it.  Like this one:

http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com/2009/08/19/at-least-she-can-still-give-me-the-finger/

Oddly enough, those Canadians who don't like it are alive and kicking.  And it seems to me that there are a lot more Americans who are dying from depredations of insurance companies, or are financially devastated by the American health care system.

Really, is it only rich Americans, Congressmen, and rich foreigners who deserve American medical care?

I don't understand.
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Saturday, September 22, 2012

3620 It's the Pitts

Saturday, September 22, 2012

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch,
you must first create the universe.
-- Carl Sagan --

----------------------------------------------------

When I heard that Leonard Pitts, Jr., had a new novel out, I leapt to buy it.  I didn't know he wrote fiction.  [Hmmm.  Spellcheck doesn't like "leapt".  That's a perfectly good word!]  I also bought two other of his books that I hadn't known existed.  [So much for not expanding the book collection....]

I have adored Pitts for decades.  I first read his nationally syndicated column in a Washington newspaper**, and then when I moved to NY was pleased to find it in the local rag, the "(town) Freeman".  The man always managed to speak my thoughts.  When the local paper was acquired by some big conservative conglomerate and Pitts' column was replaced by that of some rabble-rousing Rush Limbaugh wannabe who went off in half-cocked indignation with no research and little respect for facts, I was unhappy.  The internet was fairly new then, so Pitts sort of dropped out of my sight.  I'd almost forgotten him.

In the meantime, he'd been awarded the 2004 Pulitzer Prize for Commentary, and had written a few books.  Mr. Pitts, I am very pleased to meet you again. 

The new book is Freeman (absolutely no relationship to that local paper!).  I'm about 2/3 of the way through it now.  It is well written and absorbing, pretty much what I expected of Leonard Pitts.  You don't want to put it down - and that's a problem, because it's in no way a romance or fairy tale.  It's brutal.  It's painful.  I'm afraid that by the time I finish this I will hate all southerners, and the entire southern half of the US.  The author has subtlety made me aware that for a large part of that population, the old attitudes haven't changed in the past 150 years, and I hate them for that.  His characters explain why they feel that way, which may be an excuse immediately after the Civil War, when the story takes place, but it's no longer an excuse.  Stupidity is the only remaining excuse.

As I said, it's well written and absorbing.  The speech patterns and verbal reticence of the educated northerners is annoyingly stilted, but if Pitts says that's the way they communicated back then, I'll accept it.

--------------------------------

** Correction.  He didn't start writing his social commentary column until the mid-nineties, so I would not have discovered him in the Washington paper.  I was in New York by then.
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Friday, September 21, 2012

3619 Getting better

Friday, September 21, 2012

Most people who believe in Hell feel sure it is not their final destination.
Anyone who believes in Hell, I find, also believes in hateful ways of avoiding it.
Fear of Hell tends to make women into victims, men into bullies,
and everyone into line-toeing robots.
-- Gillian Kendall --

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I mentioned that I had refused another kidney test because I didn't think it was worth the pain and danger.  The battery of tests I'd had since the infection and attack in early 2011 all said the same thing.  The stone isn't growing, there are no anomalies, and the kidneys seem to be functioning. 

But there was more.  For the past few years my hair had been thinning, my fingernails had thick vertical (lengthwise) ridges and would split lengthwise along the ridges, and my blood pressure (historically so low I was ineligible to give blood) was too high (150s over low 80s).  I had assumed that was all due to aging.

Apparently not.

Since we stomped the kidney infection (which I now know I must have had for at least two years) my fingernails have strengthened, they're no longer splitting, and the ridges are slowly disappearing, my hair is thickening enough that I'm thinking of growing it long again, and my blood pressure is lower (120 to 128 over 67 to 73, not as low as it had been, but good enough for an old bat).  Even my toenails are celebrating.  The previously ingrown nail has flattened out.

In short, things look good.

The only bad part is that I've gained weight.  Back to measuring servings again, I guess, and ice cream or a donut only once a week.

--------------------------------


I post links every so often.  I suspect folks rarely follow them.  Please do go to this link.  I'm begging.  This is something politicians need to read.  Please pass it on.  It's short, an easy read, just a list.  Please do go.  Please pass it on.
http://whatever.scalzi.com/2005/09/03/being-poor/
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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

3618 More things that jerk my chain

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Tyranny is defined as that which is legal for the government but illegal for the citizenry.
-- Thomas Jefferson --

----------------------------------------------------------

Hey lady, if I can see the underside of your breast, that V-neck is too low.

-------------------------------

Some guy on the radio was saying that Islamists are trying to make Sharia blasphemy laws international, and that this is a very wrong thing, very bad, because it conflicts with the cultures of other countries.

How can that be bad when using armies to internationalize democracy and our theories on human rights, regardless of the culture of the other countries, is "good"?

Goose/gander?  Pot/kettle?  Is something inherently good and should be forced on others because we like it and think others should like it, too, and is something bad just because we don't like it and don't want it forced on us?  Is that really the criteria?  How are they not the same degree of good/bad?


I don't understand.

--------------------------------

How come whenever I see women's shoe commercials on TV, there's always a good half inch of space between the back of the model's heel and the back of the shoe?  Those shoes don't fit!  They're a least two sizes too big!

Then again, I see a lot of women on the street with their toes hanging over the front of open-toed shoes and sandals.  Those shoes are at least a size or two too small.

I guess at least that goes with the current fashion of wearing clothing a size or two too small.  Hey lady, when you have horizontal wrinkles across the front and back of your skirt, and it creeps up your legs when you walk, that skirt is just plain TOO TIGHT!  It doesn't fit you!

--------------------------------

Get off my lawn!
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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

3617 Buttons

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Weak desires produce weak results, just as a small fire produces little heat.

---------------------------------------------------------

I went to the country house this past weekend, and again was overwhelmed.  I took Hal, the little car, so I couldn't bring back much, mostly kitchen stuff, like my electric wok, a large and a small electric grill, the huge electric griddle, a few dishes.  I also brought back two large jars of buttons:

Yeah, I collect buttons.

I put a regular teacup there to show scale. The larger jar is 11 inches tall and 10 inches in diameter. There are three or four more jars about the size of the smaller one still upriver.

Looking into the larger jar:
My grandmother used to keep me busy when I was a toddler by having me sort her buttons. She had about two shoeboxes worth, in a drawer in her treadle sewing machine (the machine I learned to sew on). She'd dump the buttons out on the kitchen table and have me sort them into bowls by color. Next time, she'd want them sorted by material (wood, metal, plastic, leather, pearl, etc.). Next time by shape (round, square, animal, oval, toggle, etc.).   Next time by number of holes (one, two, four).  When I was all done, she'd pick out one button ("There it is, that's the one I was looking for.  Thank you.") and then dump all the bowls together into the drawer.

I LOVED LOVED LOVED sorting buttons.   I'd be quiet and happy for hours!  Some were so beautiful.  Every time I sorted buttons, she'd let me keep the one I liked best to add to my own collection.  Those buttons were the start of my adult collection, planning toward my own grandchild.

I think my collecting got out of hand because I was disappointed in the button pickings these days.  Gramma's buttons were so diverse.  Many shapes, many materials.  These days, you get a choice of round or round, plastic or plastic.  So I search auctions and yard sales for buttons, and have to buy a bag of fifty plain ones ($3) to get the two duck-shaped ones and the one metal one.  I never throw out old clothing without cutting off the buttons.  One of the things I like about Coldwater Creek is that they use nice buttons, and always include extras - which go straight into the jar.  I've been known to pay a dollar for a tattered vintage dress or jacket at Goodwill just for the nifty buttons on it.

Ok, so maybe I'm a hoarder?  But my collections are in categories!  And they're sorted!  And neatly stored! It's just that there's so darn many....
books
buttons
teapots
haoris
porcelain owls
Staffordshire dogs
stone balls
paperweights
necklaces
saris
... oh dear.
I guess there's a lot of categories, too.
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Sunday, September 16, 2012

3616 Proud

Sunday, September 16, 2012

The eternal pessimist: One who feels bad when he feels good for fear
that he’d feel worse if he felt better.
-- In The Misremembered Man, Christina McKenna --

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I am very proud of myself.

I still have a lingering fear of male anger, left over from my childhood.  It's not a problem when the male expressing anger has no control over me, or if the likelihood of my being beaten is low.  I can then give as good as I get and snarl back.  But as the potential for that male to injure me goes up, so does my fear, and I can turn into a quivering puppy.

I saw my urologist's anger in June of last year, when I questioned the wisdom of "blasting" the kidney stone when I have fragile capillaries.  He was furious.  He obviously doesn't like to be challenged.  I was frightened, because he has a lot of control over what happens to me.

I haven't seen him in six months.  At my last appointment, May 8, 2012, as I was heading out the door he wrote a scrip for another test.  This one involved an xray or scan or whatever with a radioactive contrast, another IV.  I tried to question him about the necessity, what were we looking for, but he was brusque and simply said, "The condition is progressing" and went in to the next patient.   He wanted to see me again in six months.

I didn't want to do that test.  Not after what I went through with the IVP.  I never want to go through that again, especially if it isn't necessary.  I've had a gazillion tests and xrays and CT scans and everything, and they all say the same thing - the stone isn't growing, my 1.5 kidneys are working fine, there are no lumps or cysts in them - what exactly is "progressing"?  And if he's so concerned about "progression", then why schedule my next appointment for six months away?

I decided not to go for that test.

Last Tuesday was that six-month appointment.  My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop them.  He looked through my file and asked why I hadn't got that test.  I told him I chose not to, because it would be extremely difficult and painful for me, that I understand that we do need to keep an eye on things, but that I felt we could do that with blood tests, ordinary xrays, and ultrasounds, and if those showed any indication of something to worry about, then we'd go further.

You have no idea how much courage that required.

(I didn't mention another concern - the second chamber in my left kidney isn't draining, so if we fill it with radioactive juice that won't be flushed out easily, um, isn't that a problem?  I was remembering the nurses telling me that even if Jay had been able to kill his tumor, the treatments would have damaged him so much, he wouldn't live much longer anyway.  I don't want to chance damaging the kidney further with tests.)

The urologist didn't get mad!  In fact, he seemed pleased and amused (as he was scribbling copious notes into my file).  There are a couple of ways to interpret his reaction, but I think I'll just take it and run.  The way I'd like to interpret it is that he worries about malpractice, and I just signaled that I'm unlikely to sue, and have given him a defense if I do.  (The other is that maybe he's relishing a future opportunity to say "I told you so.")  He made no effort to convince me that the test was necessary.

My next appointment with him is in January, and I'm to get a blood test and urinalysis between now and then.  That I can handle.
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